Aysha

Well its official. I am leaving Next Tues. I'm taking the train because it is cheaper and I dont have to pay for luggage. What is that about anyway? They wanted to charge me $60 for 2 bags on the airlines.
Plus it will be nice to relax and look at the passing scenery. I have never taken a train before. Once in Cleveland but it was like a local train to get around. It will take 25 hrs to get to WPB.
I have alot of luggage. I hope I am not over doing it.
I dont know what its like in Penn station where I will be changing trains. Just hope I can lug all that stuff and it isnt too far.
Man, I am so excited. I dont know how long it will be before I will be able to get back online after I go. My friend doesnt have a computer. But I will be locating the nearest library until I can get a laptop.
This Wed I am treating myself to getting my hair cut and colored. Buying a new pair of shoes to go with my new outfit I bought. I even got a pretty pair of new earrings.
I am tired of looking and feeling busted down.
I am lucky I still have my looks. I have been down playing them for a long time. Time to shine. I feel so good lately. Like a woman should feel.
Ok so that was a little arrogant. Wasnt trying to be. But I know considering the crap I have done to myself , I still got it.
Now I gotta make the inside match the outside.
I have a good feeling yall.

Dee74

wishing you well T

D

LexieCat

Penn Station is pretty easy to navigate. I was just up in NYC a couple times in the past month.

I LOVE traveling by train--it's so much more relaxing than flying.

Have a great trip!

artsoul

So glad you're feeling positive and have plans for your life! That's awesome. Taking the train sounds lovely, very relaxing..... I wish you all the best!

Aysha

Wow..Nerves hit me now. I am thinking beyond just getting there now.
I will have alot of hard work to do. I am literally starting with nothing. I will be relying totally on myself for everything. No more vehicle, no more family to fall back on for everything.
Whoa...But it will be a great lesson and one I have needed for a very long time.
It will def be very humbling.

Toronto68

That's definitely one of your better posts, when it comes to sounding like you've made up your mind about something that you are looking forward to doing.

Train should be great.

Good luck with the new chapter.

michelle01

T you sound very happy and excited, that's understandable, I hate casting any clouds and hope you enjoy your new surroundings. Just keep your expectations on the level, life goes on under its own terms wherever you are and there's no place safe from the scene, so keep the recovery going. Don't try to rush to where you want to get too quick, one day at a time and one step at a time. Because in the past you have really had some ups and downs.

Lol I've done bad stuff to myself and should've paid more consequences in terms of looks but people still underestimate my age. It was only really towards the end I could see the effects in the mirror. My hair began falling out etc. Just count myself lucky and don't want to do any more damage.

Aysha

Yea, I am very grateful. I am disease free, healthy and no serious injuries. I have alot of scars but they are hidden. They are a great reminder though of some of the worst times in my addiction. All I have to do is look at my scars and remember how lucky I really am. I should be dead many times over. Must be some kind of plan for me.
I dont look my age either. Thanks to the asian gene. Most asians look younger than they are. I have been losing alot of weight. I feel so good right now. I feel like a woman and pretty and worth attention. I dont feel disgusted when I look in the mirror anymore.
That I think will def help in me staying the course.
I think what may have happened when I came home was I picked up where I left off when I got arrested. They say time stops for people in lock. I was on a mission that day and kinda was locked in that frame of mind the whole time I was gone. Mostly over the guy. But now that I got that out of my system and am over the guy. My head is clear and my determination is back.
I dont want to be that girl that is known for being the addict. I want to liked for me, not for what I can do for you. If I want to find someone, I cant be doing like I use to. Nobody wants to be associated with someone like that on the real. And its not even really about that. I want to be able to know that I can overcome something like active addiciton. That would be the ultimate accomplishment. At times it seems impossible to ever lose the obsession. But I know its possible. I see it all the time. So if they can do it. I should be able to. I just need to keep at it and stop saying F it just one time wont hurt. Thats what it is all the time. One time , its been a long time. One time just lets it loose and out of control.
I am serious. And if I can make it in Florida. That is a bigger accomplishment. Thats where I was my worst. Its been 8 yrs since I have been there.
But this time I will be out on my own. No one to depend on. If I screw up, I'm really screwed. I dont do good homeless. I am spoiled. I couldnt survive in those circumstances.
Its critical now. But I know its something I have had to do for a long time. I am very excited to be starting this new life of responsibility and independence.
I have alot to look forward to.