jacksdaughter

Okay I have to throw this out there. My father was an awful alcoholic for more than 20 years. He did finally go to AA and was great for approx a year. Then unfortunately he had a stroke and of course is not the same. My mother has lived her whole life in denial so that's not new. Just last night we were all out the dinner togehter and she proceeded to give him a 1/4 glass of wine which my husband and I indicated we didn't think it was a great idea, but we didn't pour it. My sister than proceed to show up to have dinner with us and made it very clear that he was to have no wine. Now she is on tirade about the whole incident. Okay my question is were my husband and I in the wrong. I just can't nor do I want to go through all this drama again. I guess I should mention both my parents are in there late 70's. Thanks for any input. I just always hate being put in the middle of these situations.

StarCat

You voiced your opinion that you didn't think it was a good idea, but they are grown ups, not invalids, and perfectly capable of deciding things for themselves.

I feel that you needed to do what you were comfortable with. It seems you felt comfortable just voicing your opinion, but letting them decide how to proceed, and so that's fine.
You didn't have to say anything at all, if you didn't want to.

Your sister can also react how she feels appropriate - by voicing your same concern, by ignoring it, by setting a boundary that if he's drinking she won't attend the dinner - but she cannot try to dictate anyone else's behavior. This means not dictating your parents' behavior, and also not dictating how you and your husband "should have reacted".

My two cents.

smacked

Well.. Your father can drink if he wants to. Whether you or your sister are ok with being around him if he choses to is where you set your boundary.

jacksdaughter

I honestly don't think he will be drinking again, as he is jut not right anyway with the stroke. I agree that he shouldn't have any at all with the meds he takes, so I can't figure out what my Mom is thinking. I remember all to well the hell she went through and yes enabled all those years. Personally though I am at a point in my life now I don't want to be arguing with my sister about what they do anymore it's been going on way to long. And I'm tired of always being made to feel like I did something wrong. Again that has gone on way too long too. I am not a drama type person.