Help!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Anchorage, AK
Posts: 1
Help!!!
Hello to everyone! I am new to this site but work a program of recovery. I had put quit a few days together but failed to address my reservation of Alcohol; somehow thought since I was an opiate addict that I could still drink, don't think I need to tell you how that worked out but my NEW sobriety date is October 10th, 2010! I'm so grateful I finally realized this!
Now the reason for my posting here, I've been married to a wonderful man, my second marriage, for almost 7 years now. He knew when we got married that I was an opiot addict in recovery; he shared he'd had issues w/cocaine in his youth but no longer used, (though hectic drink) and had gone to treatment. We started a business together and because it is seasonal er travel quite a bit in the winter months, spending a lot of time in Mexico. Over the years his drinking had become increasingly worse along with his treatment of me and others....I was now married to Dr.Jekle/Mr. Hyde! I had taken his to some of my meetings but he felt he could do the steps by himself, LOL, and that he really didn't have a problem; he wasn't one if "us". Long story short he went to visit our kids in Reno, NV took a drink and two weeks and & $20k later he called our daughter for help at 6:00 am and was taken to the hospital for Detox n then a few days at a mental facility. I flew up to be with his and we started going to meetings there and have now returned humans he's gotten a sponsor and is going to meetings daily, all of which I am so very grateful for! Now having been through something similar I am very understanding BUT I am now going absolutely crazy trying to deal with him! One day he's absoluely wonderful, and he's trying so hard to work on his character defects and live in today, but then he reverts back to his Me. Hyde persona and back to the awful behavior and awful character defects! I've stayed through all of this and hate to leave before the magic happens but I'm seriously having a difficult time! I know I was no peach during early recovery but I just don't know how to handle all of this! I try to give him direction as my sponsor would do, and then ask myself if I am trying to work his program or if I'm helping or hurting! I'm so confused andam not sure which way is up, if I'm hurting him or helping him....and in the mean time I'm a wreck!
Does anyone have any experience with this; any suggestion would be helpful at this point! Willing to do what's suggested!
Thanks!
Jana H.
Mtg
Now the reason for my posting here, I've been married to a wonderful man, my second marriage, for almost 7 years now. He knew when we got married that I was an opiot addict in recovery; he shared he'd had issues w/cocaine in his youth but no longer used, (though hectic drink) and had gone to treatment. We started a business together and because it is seasonal er travel quite a bit in the winter months, spending a lot of time in Mexico. Over the years his drinking had become increasingly worse along with his treatment of me and others....I was now married to Dr.Jekle/Mr. Hyde! I had taken his to some of my meetings but he felt he could do the steps by himself, LOL, and that he really didn't have a problem; he wasn't one if "us". Long story short he went to visit our kids in Reno, NV took a drink and two weeks and & $20k later he called our daughter for help at 6:00 am and was taken to the hospital for Detox n then a few days at a mental facility. I flew up to be with his and we started going to meetings there and have now returned humans he's gotten a sponsor and is going to meetings daily, all of which I am so very grateful for! Now having been through something similar I am very understanding BUT I am now going absolutely crazy trying to deal with him! One day he's absoluely wonderful, and he's trying so hard to work on his character defects and live in today, but then he reverts back to his Me. Hyde persona and back to the awful behavior and awful character defects! I've stayed through all of this and hate to leave before the magic happens but I'm seriously having a difficult time! I know I was no peach during early recovery but I just don't know how to handle all of this! I try to give him direction as my sponsor would do, and then ask myself if I am trying to work his program or if I'm helping or hurting! I'm so confused andam not sure which way is up, if I'm hurting him or helping him....and in the mean time I'm a wreck!
Does anyone have any experience with this; any suggestion would be helpful at this point! Willing to do what's suggested!
Thanks!
Jana H.
Mtg
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
Hi Jana
I have no personal experience to share but you'll find a lot of support here
You may also want to check out our Family and Friends forum for those affected by a loved one's drinking or drugging.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
welcome to SR!
D
I have no personal experience to share but you'll find a lot of support here
You may also want to check out our Family and Friends forum for those affected by a loved one's drinking or drugging.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
welcome to SR!
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,518
Hi and Welcome!
I'm sorry that you are in this difficult position.
All I can suggest is that it's best for you to focus on your own recovery and to allow your husband to focus on his recovery.
I'm sorry that you are in this difficult position.
All I can suggest is that it's best for you to focus on your own recovery and to allow your husband to focus on his recovery.
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