A frightening epiphany
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
A frightening epiphany
Whew. A real tough one. I just realized my Higher Power isn't going to fix piddly squat.
I've got to do it.
That's pretty daunting. I know there are those with lower bottoms than mine. I'm not in jail. I never killed anyone while smashed on booze, pills or other drugs. I survived a 10-day stay in a shrink ward in a foreign land after going mad during withdrawals from living on 20 milligrams of Klonopin a day and slamming booze on top of it.
I nearly died.
After a few small decades living impaired, my remaining functioning neurons realize with crystal clarity the damage I've wrought to others and myself. Seems irreparable.
So I work the steps. I go to meetings. For the first time in my life I accept a Higher Power. I pray. I question what I'm doing and where I'm going and give it up to God to land me where I may.
But he's not going to repair what shrinks couldn't -- the major depression and panic disorder that shrinks only medicated for 20 years. Shoot.
He's not going to see me thorough bankruptcy, let me sit and collect disability checks and twiddle my navel nor restore the respect of my children.
How do I deal with that? Truck my butt to a meeting. Damn. Accept the things I can't change and muster the courage to change the things I can. Ouch. I'm approaching my sixth month of recovery.
When did you have that moment? What'd you do?
I've got to do it.
That's pretty daunting. I know there are those with lower bottoms than mine. I'm not in jail. I never killed anyone while smashed on booze, pills or other drugs. I survived a 10-day stay in a shrink ward in a foreign land after going mad during withdrawals from living on 20 milligrams of Klonopin a day and slamming booze on top of it.
I nearly died.
After a few small decades living impaired, my remaining functioning neurons realize with crystal clarity the damage I've wrought to others and myself. Seems irreparable.
So I work the steps. I go to meetings. For the first time in my life I accept a Higher Power. I pray. I question what I'm doing and where I'm going and give it up to God to land me where I may.
But he's not going to repair what shrinks couldn't -- the major depression and panic disorder that shrinks only medicated for 20 years. Shoot.
He's not going to see me thorough bankruptcy, let me sit and collect disability checks and twiddle my navel nor restore the respect of my children.
How do I deal with that? Truck my butt to a meeting. Damn. Accept the things I can't change and muster the courage to change the things I can. Ouch. I'm approaching my sixth month of recovery.
When did you have that moment? What'd you do?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 41
I pray to God for direction in overcoming my challenges, faith to believe that He has a plan for me, and peace that passes all understanding. In the process of living my life and making key decisions, I am blessed with answers to my prayers. I'm led down different paths than the ones I would choose and the timing of things is seldom when I want it, but I feel peaceful that God is helping me live a fulfilling life.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
The first few months were the hardest for me in terms of "facing the music." I was in danger of losing my house and though part of that was due to being an artist in a floundering economy, I certainly wasn't performing in my best capacity. I also had to face the fact that I wasn't fully present in the lives of family/friends. Somehow I managed to avoid DUI's and the like.
It was a little overwhelming at first and my finances didn't change overnight. But I tried to be grateful for what I had and build on that. The thing that kept me going was the faith that I was doing all I could do and the hope that my baby steps in the right direction would eventually pay off.
I'll bet if you think about it, things have definitely improved in the past 6 months. Think where you could be if you didn't get sober......
It was a little overwhelming at first and my finances didn't change overnight. But I tried to be grateful for what I had and build on that. The thing that kept me going was the faith that I was doing all I could do and the hope that my baby steps in the right direction would eventually pay off.
I'll bet if you think about it, things have definitely improved in the past 6 months. Think where you could be if you didn't get sober......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
Well, since posting that, I remembered one amazing thing. My HP is a Loving God. I also see that I'm angry. I still have a long way to go on self-will instead of God's will. Growing here, folks, a baby step at a time. Or maybe I'm not even walking, just crawling. But your posts help. That's why I'm here.
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