Rickie

Hey all.

Okay so I've got a date. Purposefully set myself this challenge, because it's all part of the learning curve right?

So what are your experiences?

Bare in mind I'm 25 and by her choice we meet for a drink. So a glass of wine is pretty much a standard thing here.

Already nervous/anxious (naturally thanks to alcohol most of us are). Most people would see such an event as a pretty good reason to drink.

The scenarios i'm playing around with in my head are:

#1. I drink, but keep on the shandys (even though I can still tell after a few) and try play it cool.
Danger with this is that one too many shandys, I get pissed up and my obvious alcoholism will come flowing out. If she's cool with that, fine, but I can see a rageing pisshead not being too attractive.

#2. Keep sober. Possibly come across as fidgety and anxious OR manage to keep my cool and it's a winner. If conversation flows naturally between us both it shouldn't be a problem. But I barely know her, so it's iffy. Plus, we all know sex is better sober (though in recent times, it's pretty much always been when drunk/hungover).

Anyway, hell yeah. The worst that can happen with #2 is I'm back where I started.

Rich

least

I'd go with number two, just to avoid problems from drinking. Have fun on your date.

1_day@_a_time

"Having a glass of wine is standard here"

Unless of course.....

You are an ALCOHOLIC!

tomtricky

I used to make excuses as to why I don't drink. However I was quite lucky in the fact my partner kinda knew about my recovery (knew I didn't drink or do drugs) and as such I felt comfortable around her not drinking or being pressured as to why I wasn't. I would go with option two. If she asks her be honest. You may be surprised how well people receive things.

Cheers,

Tom x

Manz

Always, always go for number two!
For all of the reasons you mentioned, but mostly for yourself. Dont give up something you have worked so hard at, that alone deserves the respect of your date.

Otherwise, relax and enjoy the moment.

Rickie

In hindsight with my former "serious" girlfriend all we had in common was getting drunk together. Kinda sad really.

At least this time round (one day) that won't be what binds us (whoever she may be).

Bet that's familiar with a few of you guys and girls?

R

MsCooterBrown

"#2. Keep sober. Possibly come across as fidgety and anxious OR manage to keep my cool and it's a winner. If conversation flows naturally between us both it shouldn't be a problem. But I barely know her, so it's iffy. Plus, we all know sex is better sober (though in recent times, it's pretty much always been when drunk/hungover)."

I pick door #2. 1 day @ a time made a very poingnant point!!! Now..you barely know her but have a sex plan figured out? Just wonderin...

1_day@_a_time

Not sure how long you have been sober, but there is an old suggestion in recovery that you don't date/get into a relationship in early sobriety.

I tried dating some myself early (not listening to the suggestion) but I can tell you, I NEVER would have considered drinking on a date. NOR did it ever work out real well. I was really a mess then.....(a bit better now, lol) so how was I to get involved with a lady then?

And hiding my recovery, or making up excuses is not for me.

Candidly, I am very proud of my sobriety, and more importantly the path I have taken in recovery.

The question is always answered the same way:

"I have been a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous for many years".

I really have no interest in developing a relationship with someone who does not respect me and my recovery either.

No thanks.....no way, no how.

EmeraldRose

I'm not sure I understand why you would want to throw away your sobriety for some girl. I think #2 is a no brainer if you're recovering. But that's me...I had been drinking for about 30 years...maybe you don't consider yourself an alcoholic at 25. Heck, at 25 I was just getting started! LOL
At this point of my sobriety (24 days) if someone asked me out for a drink I would go and have a drink...of soda or lemon water or tea...who says you have to drink alcohol?
I know it can be "stimulating" to get conversation going, get sex going, get your courage up...but sooner or later we have to face reality sober. And I'm learning its not that bad!
I hope you have fun on your date with whatever choice you make.

Shirt423

If you are recovering then please don't drink with her. I started seeing someone who (before me) had not had a drink in almost 2 years. I suggested happy hour, I didn't know he was A. If this person is worth anything she will take you being honest and not drinking as strength. I think most people have an alcoholic in their life and if I knew he was I would have never wanted happy hour with him. A cafe or even bowling or something like that would have been just as fun. I know it must be hard to be upfront about this disease but now I am here and he hasn't been able to be sober again since that date. My uncle died in his forties from alcoholism, so I would have not have been turned off if he didn't drink with me, if anything it would have been more attractive because he was overcoming something that my uncle couldn't.

Eventually she will find out anyway if things work out, and she will feel betrayed in a way that you kept something like that from her.

Just my personal experience, and I am 26 so its not like I have so many years of wisdom behind me. Good luck, choose # 2.

Kmber2010

Sober is the way to go Rickie. Don't ruin your progress.

Unless she is a lush well I wouldn't even be thinking of sex....lol.