noobie

I'm very amazed and gratefull for a recovery forum like this. I haven't read any of the other post yet but will after this post here. Last nite i watch a very powerful movie (Legacy). Its about one man. One room. One mission. Hes held up in a room he rented and hes struggling with his demons/actions from a failed mission in Eastern Europe. No spoilers its on the back of movie case, just in case people want to check it out. What i do understand about its message is for me atleast. Is a choice between life or living a lie. I'm not dependent on alchol but it does creep up on me atleast twice a year. Because of me chosing to live in a lie. What i dont understand about the movie is how do i overcome my demons? When people dont accept me for who i am. I'm in a SATOP group atm for a DUI. I'm tempted to let the group know why i am the way i am. I was wondering if exspressing some of those demons might help me come to terms and accept them for what is. Has anyone eles told a group of people about embarrassing actions they did in there addictions? What eles could i do if any to be more comfortable with being me? I also have a tendacy to read to much into problems so idk...Thanks for reading my post...)

Dee74

Hi Noobie

I'm not really sure I fully understand your situation from this one post, but I think if you want to talk, here might be a better place to do it. You'll find a lot of support here.

Look forward to hearing more of your story.
Welcome

D

noobie

I guess my the main purpose of my post is finding out ways to come to terms with my actions in my addiction. And if telling people in my SATOP group about those actions would help lift some of the weight i've been holding onto. I dont know what to do about my past actions and how it has effected me today? My past has made me desensitized to emotions, fun, trusting of another person and has really took a toll on me mentally. I do have alot of pain to deal with but just dont how...

Ghostly

Welcome noobie! Go ahead and share with your group if you think it will help. I don't have a lot of experience talking about my addiction with people outside of SR, and none in a group setting.

Either way stick around here. I like movies and comparing life to them.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Dee74

I think dealing with the past is something we all have to do - for me it helped to accept that what was done was done.

You can't change history - but you can change the way you do things from now on - doing the right thing now, today, helps me to forgive myself for past transgressions

D

noobie

The quote from John Mellencamp really helps alot. I can only be me, and if im honestly being me, i cant be wrong, even if other people has a problem with it. I have a short term memory but over all i'm an honest happy guy. Putting myself out there in the public eye/AA meetings is the only way i'll learn what works for me. Even if i will stumble alot being where im at in my life. I'm not sure i will say anything about my past in group. Talking in any kind of group setting makes me nervous. As long as i stay willing to try talking in groups and AA meetings it will only get easier. I just hate being judged for being such a noob at life at my age. It is my fault tho, cuz i give up to easy. I hate snobs as well the most. Even thought of this little saying. (Put your nose in the air and roll your eyes like you just dont care). I care now. THXS DEE_ GHOSTLY..))

artsoul

Welcome - I think sharing can be really cathartic, and if you're here or in a meeting, I'll bet there wouldn't be much you could share without someone else relating to it.

Recovery is a process, too - trust yourself to know when and how much you want to share. And try to stay in today as much as you can - you're making a new start.....

LaFemme

Welcome!

First....what's SATOP? as for demons and exorcising them...if they are really serious you might want to see a therapist or counselor. My demons are a pretty tame lot and I have a counselor so I'm a big proponent of that.

You can always share here...we don't know who You are but we are a pretty kind and non-judgemental lot

MsCooterBrown

SATOP=Substance Abuse Traffic Offender Program. I googled it.
SATOP ALSO means Space Alliance Outreach Program.
FWIW.

noobie

What other people think of me does count. It causes tension in the air and durogatory coments. Not much i can do but just try and improve myself. I give up easy, but with my last DUI im at the point where its a need to work AA meetings. A need to stay away from bad habits. Thxs i want to share as well but it wont change anything. Its something i need to accept and leave in the past. My first post i was thinking that people would better understand me if they knew what i've been threw. That would be self-pity. Thxs everyone for your interest in my post. I got 2 more weeks left for satop, and i'm just trying to learn how to live in the moment. ))

Dee74

Thanks for the update noobie
I'm glad you're making plans for a sober future

D

valerieeilers

Hello,
If you truly believe in demons (I absolutely do), find a good Catholic priest. They have been given authority to cast them out. It is not discussed much anymore, but I have found this to be especially critical to my recovery. God bless you!

dcg

God is discussed all over the place here; Catholic priests given authority to cast out demons, not so much.

jhonnyspa

Hi Noobie,

From the title of the post I thought you were going to post that actual demons had possed you to answer your question yes, I have told a group of people about my past drinking behavior First, was a packed courtroom full of people in a county of 16000 people so of course there were people that knew me but who cares they all had their own problems to worry about mine and then when I finally did sober up I told a room full of law students about my struggles with alcohol addiction and my past criminal behavior and even though they might not have been alcoholics the complimented me after .Thirdly, I told a group of senior solicitors/lawyers about my past criminal history and how my alcoholism played a role in this and you know what the gave me a no pay back grant for disadvantaged students worth at least 20000 and said when I finish my law exams to be a practising lawyer/Solicitor that they would grant me a licence to practice despite my past as I was entitled to a second chance as the crime's I commited DUI, Drunk and disorderly three times, minior drugs convictions,minior assualt was commited in my youth 15-27 age.So as you can see from my experience people like honesty and I even think that most of these people have been or know someone who has been affected by alcoholism thus causing foolish mistakes in life.Good luck whatever you decide but I would say get things off your chest and then you can rebuild your life without the demons haunting you.

Berrybean

Im in AA and shared all my 'stuff' with my sponsor. Since then I have chosen to share some of that 'stuff' with others in a group situation, but a lot of it I prefer to keep private. However, the fact I have told someone has taken the power out of those things - I am no longer held hostage to those secrets that grew and grew in my head, so much so that my past took over my present.

I dont suppose there are many people in that program you are in who don't have the same kind of fears as you regarding things they've done, but unless you are assured of anonymity and people there respecting that what is seen and heard in those sessions does not get repeated outside the room, then that might not be the best place to choose to share.

BB

Venecia

Of note: The original post is more than seven years old.

Dee74

Welcome to SR valerieeilers

D