seekingcalm

I am feeling guilty, and know that I should not.

My teenage children are staying at their dad's right now. We have joint custody. Dad is not my A, btw. I am working today, and had plans to go food shopping after work, and then go home and make a fire, cook myself a nice dinner, and watch a movie.

I am tired and achey from shovelling snow yesterday, and have a very busy workweek coming up.

Well, my daughter asked me to pick her and a friend up from the mall later, and I said I couldn't, I have plans. She can ask her dad, or her friend's parents.

Also, my son wanted to borrow my car tonight, and earlier in the week I said he could, but we had a lot of snow, more to come, the roads will be slick tonight, and I would rather not have the car out on the roads.

I know this is codependent behavior, feeling bad for not doing what everyone else wants me to do. But I want very much to just stick to my original relaxing evening, and not worry about my car and my son.

Thanks for listening...helps to write it out. Maybe I am asking for permission, so feel free to tell me it's all good

suki44883

It's all good. You have every right to change your mind, especially if relevant factors change. Not wanting your son out on the snowy roads in your car is entirely your choice.

You deserve to have a quiet evening by the fire. Your needs matter just as much as anyone elses. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Enjoy your evening!

Learn2Live

Damn right that is all good! You are entitled to maintaining your peace and serenity. They are not losing anything or being harmed by your decisions. Good for you for recognizing what you need and taking care of yourself!! If we all did this, IMO, we would all be much happier. You are an inspiration for me to do better about looking out for my needs and taking care of myself. Thanks for sharing.

Verbena

You are doing a fine job. Your daughter is spending the weekend with her dad. Let him do his job and manage her and her friends. Geeze.

Not letting your son take the car out on a slick road is wise behavior.

What's to feel bad about? You did your job. Your daughter just figured out that she can't take advantage of you. Your son will probably not be in the hospital tonight.

You can make yourself crazy trying to label every feeling you have.
Pat yourself on the back. You deserve it.

StarCat

Your interests were in your own mental sanity, and the safety and health of your children - there is no crime in that whatsoever. You are not manipulating, you are not being unsafe, you are being thoughtful and considerate for both your family and YOURSELF - all good things, nothing to feel bad about. <3

seekingcalm

Thank you so much for your support and validation. SR and the fine people here are a blessing to me.

P.S. Had a lovely evening, just me and my puppy. Warm fire, home cooked meal, nice hot shower, and early to bed. Spending time alone is good for my soul

coffeedrinker

sure, i guess it's sorta co-dependent.

but the more important thing going on with you, i think, is that you DID not give in to the tug that said "do it".

i think that's the truly good news in this story.

a little guilt....oh well. it's setting boundaries, and sticking to them, that matters most. and i think those guilty times will decrease.

practice, practice, practice.

escape artist

that is good enough for me. can you just tell them that? i get the same thing, and it is good for my kids to know i have boundaries with them as well. God knows i let them run over me enough, but there are days when i say this=esp. when it is their nite to be with their dad.