Relationships - Language of Letting Go Jan. 6
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Relationships - Language of Letting Go Jan. 6
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Relationships
If we are unhappy without a relationship, we'll probably be unhappy with one as well. A relationship doesn't begin our life; a relationship doesn't become our life. A relationship is a continuation of life.
— Beyond Codependency
Relationships are the blessing and bane of recovery. Relationships are where we take our recovery show on the road.
Each day, we are faced with the prospect of functioning in several different relationships. Sometimes, we choose these relationships; sometimes, we don't. The one choice we usually have in our relationships concerns our own behavior. In recovery from codependency, our goal is to behave in ways that demonstrate responsibility for us.
We're learning to acknowledge our power to take care of ourselves in our relationships. We're learning to be intimate with people when possible.
Do we need to detach from someone who we've been trying to control? Is there someone we need to talk to, even though what we have to say may be uncomfortable? Is there someone we've been avoiding because we're afraid to take care of ourselves with that person? Do we need to make an amend? Is there someone we need to reach out to, or show love?
Recovery is not done apart from our relationships. Recovery is done by learning to own our power and to take care of ourselves in relationships.
Today, I will participate in my relationships to the best of my ability. I will make myself available for closeness and sharing with people I trust. I will ask for what I need and give what feels right.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Relationships
If we are unhappy without a relationship, we'll probably be unhappy with one as well. A relationship doesn't begin our life; a relationship doesn't become our life. A relationship is a continuation of life.
— Beyond Codependency
Relationships are the blessing and bane of recovery. Relationships are where we take our recovery show on the road.
Each day, we are faced with the prospect of functioning in several different relationships. Sometimes, we choose these relationships; sometimes, we don't. The one choice we usually have in our relationships concerns our own behavior. In recovery from codependency, our goal is to behave in ways that demonstrate responsibility for us.
We're learning to acknowledge our power to take care of ourselves in our relationships. We're learning to be intimate with people when possible.
Do we need to detach from someone who we've been trying to control? Is there someone we need to talk to, even though what we have to say may be uncomfortable? Is there someone we've been avoiding because we're afraid to take care of ourselves with that person? Do we need to make an amend? Is there someone we need to reach out to, or show love?
Recovery is not done apart from our relationships. Recovery is done by learning to own our power and to take care of ourselves in relationships.
Today, I will participate in my relationships to the best of my ability. I will make myself available for closeness and sharing with people I trust. I will ask for what I need and give what feels right.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I once felt that my life was defined by my relationships...my mother's daughter, my son's mother, my husband's wife, my employer's employee...all based on how others saw me and not on who I really was.
And, I believed that each of these people held the key to my happiness. If any one of them was unhappy with me, then I spent my day trying to "fix" that. I became a people pleaser to all people, an impossible task for anyone.
Recovery, my program and my sponsor taught me that I alone hold the key to my happiness. It took time but I got to know that stranger called "me". I got to like her, warts and all. And I learned how to make her happy...without depending on anyone else.
Learning to be at peace with solitude, learning to connect with nature and the universe helped me find a new hobby, photography, that helped me get out of myself, out of my house and has brought me much joy over the years. It is something I can do with a group, or with a friend, or all by myself and find happiness.
Once I could be happy without depending on others, I found the rest fell into place. Finding happiness with others became easier because I was no longer needy, I no longer had expectations that might leave me in the dust, and I could just be myself and let life unfold.
Relationships can be wonderful...when they are healthy, when WE are healthy and when we choose healthy friends.
Hugs
And, I believed that each of these people held the key to my happiness. If any one of them was unhappy with me, then I spent my day trying to "fix" that. I became a people pleaser to all people, an impossible task for anyone.
Recovery, my program and my sponsor taught me that I alone hold the key to my happiness. It took time but I got to know that stranger called "me". I got to like her, warts and all. And I learned how to make her happy...without depending on anyone else.
Learning to be at peace with solitude, learning to connect with nature and the universe helped me find a new hobby, photography, that helped me get out of myself, out of my house and has brought me much joy over the years. It is something I can do with a group, or with a friend, or all by myself and find happiness.
Once I could be happy without depending on others, I found the rest fell into place. Finding happiness with others became easier because I was no longer needy, I no longer had expectations that might leave me in the dust, and I could just be myself and let life unfold.
Relationships can be wonderful...when they are healthy, when WE are healthy and when we choose healthy friends.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
I have real trouble with being a people-pleaser, too. I make decisions based on what I think other people would want. Then, I get myself in trouble because I'm not taking care of my own needs. I've had this issue with work lately. I really want to please my new supervisor. So, I tried to work on days when I really was too sick to work. I was so worried about letting her down, that I forgot that I need to worry first about letting myself down. In this case, I also have to worry about my job, so there is that aspect.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Ann
Thank you for sharing this. It hit a chord with me today.
All of these things describe perfectly how I have felt with certain people (including my RAS) throughout my life.
I am also getting to know myself. I am accepting myself and all of my shortcomings. I am trying to recognize those shortcomings and improve them. I fall quite short of perfection (lol) and I'm ok with that. I, too, like myself, warts and all. I am realizing that I am worth taking care of. I am worth protecting.
Thanks again for sharing.
gentle hugs
Thank you for sharing this. It hit a chord with me today.
Do we need to detach from someone who we've been trying to control? Is there someone we need to talk to, even though what we have to say may be uncomfortable? Is there someone we've been avoiding because we're afraid to take care of ourselves with that person?
It took time but I got to know that stranger called "me". I got to like her, warts and all. And I learned how to make her happy...without depending on anyone else.
Thanks again for sharing.
gentle hugs
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