Untoxicated

I'm in a very inquisitive mood today and I was thinking about recovery and the purpose of my recovery.

I see my recovery as a way to reclaim my life, to finally understand who I am, to live the life that was meant for me, to use the necessary tools to break through my self-limiting and self-defeating beliefs, and to offer hope and help to those who need it (both in recovery and in general).

My question and potential concern is the depth at which I invest in recovery. I think my investment at this stage of my sobriety is of paramount importance to my success. However, I can see a possible danger of becoming too invested - everything in moderation so to speak.

Is it possible to become so invested in recovery that you lose sight of why you wanted to recover to begin with...to use recovery as a security blanket in fooling yourself that you aren't ready for the real world or to make excuses as to why you haven't done X, Y, and Z? In other words living for recovery rather than recovering to live???

Thanks in advance.

Freyakitty

I think what you post is true - I believe that if you are moving towards something in your recovery ie reclaiming your life, self understanding, helping others along the way, etc...then you are focussing on something that requires the recovery process but is greater than the recovery itself and will therefore will naturally take you beyond recovery. However, if you are moving away from your addiction and focus on recovery without new outcomes except to avoid your DOC, then I don't think one would recover because the focus is still on the DOC. It's like the saying "don't think of a pink elephant" and what does one think of? So if you say don't drink/do drugs or whatever you are addicted to, the focus is still on that and we tend to move towards that which we think about so then I believe what you said which is that you are living for recovery so as soon as you "recover" there are chances of relapses because you repeat the loop so to speak.

RobbyRobot

My recovery from the illness of alcoholism is like night and day vs drinking with active alcoholism so for me losing sight of my whys for recovery is simply impossible if i maintain my spiritual fitness. I remember when I first started I gave my all into recovery and the payback is my now living a recovered life.

Do I work as hard at recovery today? No, and only because the work I do today is so much more efficient and powerful than my early times so less is more now!

Was my recovery ever a security blanket? Yes! and I'm still happy I used my recovery experiences as a sheltering, healing times and places in different aspects and events of my sober life. I was very damaged, very ill and sick, lost and confused, angry and in despair: I was a mess. Having the security of learning to live a life of recovery was very helpful for me to eventually become recovered.

I have found that any excuses I invent for not facing my real life are generated not from my experiences of recovery but from my fears of past failures and from my slowness to be rigorously honest with all of what makes me me and the life I now live. I do like to keep things simple and yet my life still manages to get complicated, lol. It's not always easy to keep up to myself, if you get my meaning <G>

I do know some recovering alcoholics get lost in their alcoholism without drinking and for them it could certainly seem like they are living for recovery and not recovering for living a good life. For me that speaks to their illness of alcoholism and not to their recovery. Alcoholism is a cunning, powerful fatal illness. It is with great sadness and sorrow that I have come to realize now these many years of experiences working with others that not all alcoholics stay sober and get on with a recovered life. Many alcoholics just stop awhile in between drinks. Many alcoholics die not having really (ever been) recovered. It's a horrible realization but the truth is out there big as life for all to see for themselves.

Having said all that, so I don't myself see how anyone could put too much into their recovery. For me, the more I give (gave) the more I get (got) back. What's there not to like about that?

Rob

coffeenut

Interesting. I suppose, as with anything, you can become obsessed with sobriety.

I think in the beginning you Must become obsessed with it, though. Until it becomes part of who you are.

This should be a good thread!

NEOMARXIST

I love my recovery and it's given me a new life which I am so grateful for. I have experienced a peace of mind and sense of clarity and calmness that I would never have experienced if I wasn't an alcoholic living in the solution.

For me then recovery is a never ending process, I will always be growing and experincing new things about myself, others and the world. For me then by living my recovery then it enables me to gain all of the wonderful gifts of sobriety - both material but far more importantly priceless things like peace of mind. Peace of mind is ultimately what I always wanted and I have been blessed to have experinced this in my recovery but I know that I will always have to put my recovery as No1 priority in my life or else I would lose everything anyway. I love my recovery and genuinely enjoy it and it's given me a path in my life what I'm so grateful for. It's so rewarding and the more I put into it, then the more I'm rewarded.

For me then living for recovery is what enables me to live. To stop recovery and get complacent would spell disaster for this alkie and I would lose everything as the old thoughts and feelings began to consume me. However my recovery is a lot different now to what it was when I was earlier in my sobriety as it evolves with time as I develop and grow in my recovery. It hasn't been about alcohol or drugs for a long time now but rather getting on with living life again, I have had to learn how to live life from the beginning again as I was mentallly and emotionally broken when I got sober.

I think it's easy to overthink stuff in general and I know 'keep it simple' really helped me, as ultimately I'm still sober nearly 18 months later and have been rewarded immeasurably thanks solely to my sobriety and recovery. I love my recovery and it's given me a sense of purpose which is priceless to me and also I carry myself as the person I want to and ultimately this has a great knock on effect on making those close to you experience you in a positive way as ultimately the 'spiritual' life or whatever you want to call it is quite a peaceful, contented persona to be around.

Peace

MsCooterBrown

When I finally woke up..only way I can describe coming out of my self induced HUGE HAZE..I had a few people around me either get in alcohol induced car wrecks or die. I got angry and quit drinking. I then experienced the clarity that I have not known for my adult life. That clarity brought me peace of mind. I realized most of my problems stemmed from drunken stupidity and high drunkin drama. I found this site. It is here that I realized the power of people helping each other. The support and EXPERIENCE of what others struggle with and how they overcome that struggle on a daily basis was another wake up call for me. And..from that..I try to carry that into "real life" by helping others when I can. I have spent YEARS being so selfish. Very high functioning alcoholic..but always the main goal was get out of my way...I am off work..time to get drunk ..come hell or high water. Sorry about your luck..I would help..but I have to fade out now. Been waiting all day to drink. Anyway..this is the only way I can sum this up. Still learning. So VERY grateful to be living the life of sobriety.

laurie6781

I won't deny that the first 2 to 3 years of my recovery I was 'obsessed' with recovery. I went to at least 10 meetings a week, all my 'friends' were also in recovery, my 'fun times' were AA conventions and round ups, etc. I was learning how to LIVE sober and I was a slow learner, lol

However, by about 3 years I was branching out, had made a few new 'friends' (normies) not in recovery, just nice folks. Started doing some different things, going to a few less meetings a week, etc. But, by then I HAD THE TOOLS, and I still USED those TOOLS daily!

Right up to today, over 29 1/2 years later, I am still very aware that I am an alcoholic, that I cannot take that first drink. Today, I, to the best of my ability, keep myself in 'fit spiritual condition' and just be the best person I can be.

I have seen it with many, myself included, the various stages of recovery, the obsessions of 'have to get this now', 'have to keep working hard on recovery', 'fear of lapsing', etc and finally as one starts to feel like maybe just maybe they can do this and have a good life, the smiles start to come naturally, the laughter becomes real, one starts to appreciate new things again, the clean air smell after a rain, new puppies, children playing in the park, and one starts to feel the 'feelings and emotions' one buried for so long.

Yes, recovery is an ongoing process, of GROWTH and CHANGE. As I have grown and changed and watched others do the same, I have seen all of us that stay in recovery, become able to deal with the vicissitudes of life be they happy or sad and move on.

So, yes, at first I was living for recovery, then I recovered to live.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Zencat

My recovery (addiction treatment) is part of the larger picture: self-improvement. Things like diet, exercise, mood management, continued learning and the like all need my attention as well. Abet addiction treatment is the means that allows me to be focused on self-improvement. I still need to live a balanced life and not concentrate entirely on addiction recover to the determent of other concerns that need improvement in my life.

After all, my life was woefully unbalanced in active addiction. I don't want to bring that lopsidedness back into my life as a sober person.

Untoxicated

I completely agree with both of your observations.

Your entire post was very impactful and resonated strongly with me, thank you Laurie.

WakeUp

I'm still pretty new in recovery, but it I see people who are in recovery but seem to want to stay "sick". Not sick, but not realizing their self-actualization either. They'll say "I'm crazy, man I need a meeting" (9 years), "I plant myself in this chair bacause I don't trust my head" (36 years!), "I'm still screwed up but thanks for this 5 year coin", ect, ect, ect.

I'm recovering AND reclaiming my life lost to addiction. I'm ready to grab life by the cajones, I'm ready to be the person I can really be. This is what I believe is living in the fourth dimension, living with that new source of power that I didn't have before.

I'm not going to let my alcoholism keep me sick. I choose to live.

LaFemme

Certainly the first months were completely about recovery...the stronger I get the less that is the case. The focus is on my entire health physical, mental, emotional, artistically.

I expect this to be a lifelong journey. I don't think I will ever "arrive" and that's a good thing. Sobriety is just one aspect of the journey. I expect next year I will be in a very different place and I am looking forward to the ride.

Nyte Byrd

There is no doubt, without my sobriety being foremost and first, in my life, nothing else matters, for without it, I lose everything that follows.

I was listening to a Joe and Charlie tape some years ago at a meeting, and it helped explain why I felt so obsessed with recovery initially. It said "the only thing that can take the place of an obsession is another obsession". But I realized it was a 'good' obsession. If some wished to call it brainwashing, sobeit. It was not necessarily a meaning with a derogatory definition. My mind was dirty and it needed a cleaning. It was like taking a dirty glass of water and as some clean water was slowly being added, it was filtering out the dirty water (irrational beliefs I once held).

For about 5 years sober, I would say, Hi, I am ....and I am an alcoholic, and I am IN AA!! But after 5 years, things seemed to change. I was no longer IN AA. I was IN LIFE!! I was now an alcoholic, sober, and a MEMBER of AA....but I was actually in LIFE doing all the things other people seemed to be doing and dealing with life on life's terms. All because I simply took some suggestions they gave me at those meetings, with a sponsor and worked the steps. I realized despite any differences I had, despite any 'other' problems or issues I felt I may have had, if I just did what some of them did, it could work for me, too. Just don't drink, go to meetings, stay close to the winners.

Today, I still go to some meetings but I do not live to go to AA. I go to AA to help me learn to live and to give back unselfishly what was given to me. A reprieve and a chance to stop thinking about ME all the time. I don't have the time nor the right to whine about what I 'think' are problems in my life. If it can be 'fixed' it is not a problem. And if someone does not wish to take the action to fix it, then than maybe one day the seeds some plant will take root and they will find the willingness to take the same action to do more than just have good intentions.

My good intentions I found in 1984 and 1985 didn't measure up to my smallest deed in 1987 when I walked into those rooms again and sincerely asked for help.

Anna

For me recovery is simply a way I want to live my life.

In "The Power of Now", Eckhart Tolle, writes about the significance of living in the moment, the benefits of letting go of past baggage, and the belief that emotions do not need to control us. He says that "the primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it". This was huge for me.

stanleyhouse

For me recovery is about spirituality, enlightenment, giving, sharing, and being kind to others. In a sense, it is about love. You don't want to avoid life when you are in recovery because taking care of day to day activities and being responsible helps you know you've done your part. Now it's time to let go of worry and fear and be peaceful about the outcome.
SH

flutter

I totally get what you're saying.. and yes, I think recovery can become a new and not always healthy addiction.

The process of recovery to me, the ways I changed my life.. enhanced ALL areas of my life, only one small part of that is that I no longer drink alcohol.

I remember when I first went to a few AA meetings.. and people went around, sharing about their recovery time and experiences, jealous of 'what they had', until a very very nice gentleman shared that he had been in recovery for over 25 years, went to at least one AA meeting every day, prayed most of the day outside of the meetings that he would have the strength to remain sober, and called his sponsor upon waking, and bedtime for support. I did NOT want what he had.. but he was grateful for how he was living his life.

I guess we all have to find our own balance. Yes, absolutely at first recovery 'work' should be more important than pretty much anything, at least for me it had to be, this was life or death, or could be.. and I needed to get my **** together for the long haul. After about 6 months of really intense work with a therapist, which only helped me to find new ways to live my life (to cope, to celebrate, to relax, to do the things I was using alcohol for), I branched out on my own.

SR has been part of my daily recovery 'check in' for over two years, keeps me grounded, grateful, and connected to the recovery world.

I no longer see a therapist, and I do not use a formal program.

That's just me

dubbguy

This is why I have no interest in AA.
I don't have to work hard at this. Not wasting money on poison that turns me into a lunatic is about the easiest thing in the world to do.
Just like I don't have to work hard at not putting burning tobacco leaves in my mouth that cost 25 cents a piece to slowly give myself cancer anymore.
I don't wake up thinking "not going to smoke cigs today"...
I'm done with that, I quit..I'm a non smoker.
While I know AA does alot of people alot of good it does seem like it makes things into too big of a deal. We are not heros because we don't drink anymore.
We are just doing what we are supposed to do.
I'm not a hero because I've never been to jail. You are not supposed to go to jail in the first place.
Actually, its ironic because I was not able to quit smoking cigs until I really got it through my head that it is not the hardest thing I can possibly do. Not even close.

Thinking it was so hard just gave me an excuse to relapse after a day or two.

WakeUp

I stopped smoking cigarettes on a dime. I once had a house full of Vicodin and never took more than one at a time for the control of pain.
I couldn't stop drinking without a spiritual experience and a quality program of recovery.

Nyte Byrd

Actually, if one of things I have learned through AA attendance, it is that there are no big deals anymore. And you're absolutely right. Life is 10% of what happens to us, and 90% how we respond to it. Don't sweat the small stuff, and it's ALL small stuff. I don't have to work hard at this either. I am glad it comes easy for you as well.

And in these past 23 years sober in AA, often I have found it difficult to accept praise about it, because I tell them the 'real' heroes I know are the ones who dealt with all the stuff I had to early on in life, and "DIDN'T" spend their time hiding in a bottle or with a needle in their arm as I did for 18 years because I didn't want to feel the pain of living. THEY were my heroes. Today I, too, am aware I am just doing what I was supposed to have been doing what I was supposed to. But I am also aware that when I go up to receive a medallion in celebration, it is not about "ME". It is about others being given a chance of hope that they may also have the same chance to be given what I have. I can't do that for someone else if I do it 'alone'.

It's been quite awhile I can even remember that I felt it was 'so hard' less recalling when I had some excuse to be given for a relapse after a day or two. I guess something took root a long time ago, when I was told 'no one, nothing, or no place' can ever make me drink or drug again. The next one would be on me...and I would have no one else to blame but me. No more alibis.

I am thankful for the rooms of AA. I know no one else knows loneliness as an alcoholic. Without the rooms, it is even moreso. I am thankful I found the interest and found it was actually the 'easier, softer way'.

Kmber2010

Great post Untox and thank you all for sharing your experiences. This was a nice read for me today....thanks!

SSIL75

I'm conscious of this and it's one of the reasons I didn't want to go to AA (I now know not every AA person spends their lives in church basements though!). But in spite of my best intentions I do find myself quite 'into' recovery Like, I think about it a lot. It's only been 4 mos for me now so I'm still kind of kicking things around my head. And everything is so new, still.