oakleaf82

Not drinking during the week is easy. The weekend is another story. I am trying to be strong here. If I stayed home all weekend it would be one thing, BUT my husband is in a band and they are playing three nights in a row at different venues. Two will have alcohol available. We've got friends coming in from out of town etc....

I think most of my anxiety stems from having to explain to people why I'm not drinking. I know I can just order a soda or a seltzer or bring in my own damn bottle of water. I guess I just don't know how to deal with it if someone else questions why I am not drinking. If I say I quit, there's the stigma of "wow she must really have a problem if she had to go and quit". OR someone will inevitably think I'm pregnant (LOL)

Tips on dealing with this? This is part of why I've failed in the past. I know some people will say it's best to avoid the temptation altogether. But I'm really looking forward to seeing friends and listening to great music! I don't want to sit at home hiding.

ANGELINA243

What's wrong with simply saying "I'm not drinking tonight"? You shouldn't feel pressured to explain your situation to anyone else. It really isn't their business.

oakleaf82

I know. It's just highly unusual for me not to drink when out. If I say, "I'm not drinking tonight", they will say "why?"

I think I am envisioning the same discomfort and hostility people get when I tell them I don't eat meat or believe in god. I'm not sure why other people care so much about other people's choices, but for some reason, they do.

ANGELINA243

I see. Well, if you choose to disclose anything about your drinking history (and/or alcoholism)--that is entirely your business. Just don't let anyone else pressure you into doing something you don't want to do...which includes drinking (in this case).

Anna

I would avoid situations like that. For me, I couldn't have done it.

I strongly believe that I don't owe anyone an explanation about what I'm drinking. It's nobody's business but mine.

oakleaf82

It will be a test. It will feel unnatural to be in an environment that I would normally have a drink and not have one. And I'm probably being too self conscious. My rational self tells me it is quite possible that no one will even notice I'm not drinking. Just want to be prepared in case someone does ask me about it.

I think my drinking is a mental rather than physical thing. I'm shy and social situations make me nervous. Having that drink is like a shield. Lowers inhibitions and makes it easier to socialize. I need to learn how to do that sober and that is scary.

daynaolivia

I am 11 days and grateful I got back swaring fors years I never could and we did

oakleaf82

Thank you Anna. I may skip out on Friday. Saturday I'm not worried because there will be no alcohol at that venue. Sunday if asked, I can say Im not drinking because I'm driving and I have to work Mon (both true).

I'm well aware it's no ones business and I don't owe an explanation. It's just, well we all know how nosey and rude people can be!

I'm a very private person and also an extreme worrier. I shouldn't give a damn what people think. I'll let you all know how it goes. Luckily I can access this forum from my phone if I need some resolve.

Dee74

Hi Oakleaf

I'm a musician myself - I still made the decision to walk away from alcohol fuelled situations for a while - those few months I took out to secure my sobriety don't seem much now. I understand people are different tho.

Today I don't feel I owe anybody any explanations.

Those who knew me before know why I don't now - I lost any secrecy I once had by my later years...but if someone pressured me I'd tell them I don't want to. For new people I'd simply say 'No thanks I don't drink'.

That's all anyone reasonably needs to know.

D

Vanilla28

lol i get the same line of questions when i say i dont eat meat too....but you should hear them when i say i dont like cheese!! yikes!

least

And then you just say, "because I'm not." It's no one's business to know why.

MsCooterBrown

"I think my drinking is a mental rather than physical thing"
Red alert here...Mine was mental as well. I am no expert..but I drank for years and when I quit I didn't get the heebie jeebies..I didn't have too many of the side effects with the exception of my mind wandered..but it has always wandered..it just wanders soberly now. The other thing in the first few weeks was the feeling that I should be drinking..it was habit..It is just what I did..I think the mental is the worst thing to deal with..People go thru rehab with flying colors..some relapse upon their return home. The alcohol is long gone out of their systems..It is the mind game of I have gone this long without drinking..I can handle ONE! Best thing I ever did was get the idea out of my head that drinking is an option..You will for sure have to be strong. If you start getting that dialogue banter going in your head be prepared to get the heck out of there..
I think I would be more worried about a relapse than I would be about what to tell people..

ViciousCycle

I owe no one an explanation. I have used the following:

I am on a diet.
Nah, not feeling like it tonight.
I'm driving.
I am on some meds
I have places to go after
I have a headache? lol

I had a gal call me out recently on the water I had in my hand....."is that water??"

I raised the glass and said "you BETCHA!" End of conversation......

You get the idea. It's none of their business.

littlefish

When I quit drinking I had so many of the same fears: what will people think...they have always seen me drink....they are going to ask me questions...so and and so forth.

The first thing that surprised me is that people really didn't care if I drank or not. Several social events went by and nobody asked why I wasn't drinking. I had an answer prepared in case they did, and I have made a few white lies to secure my sobriety at social events: I'm taking a med, I have an early meeting, or, the best reason was that I was driving.
The second thing that surprised me is that I started noticing all the other people at events that weren't drinking or drinking to excess: they were invisible to me before, but suddenly I noticed all the folks that nursed 1 glass of wine for an entire evening or drank soda.
Not everybody drinks.

stephnc

"Why are you not drinking?"

"I'm just not." End of discussion.