kia

he phoned me today on a right rant apparently the thing about his mum was true she has died and i hadnt believed it but as he only found himself this morning i couldnt surely be blamed for not going for for thinking it more alcoholic bs and he didnt believe it either till phone call this morning from his nan and he had a mate with him too who confirmed he was on the phone to her.But hes gone right off the scale making up things i never said about his mum calling me disgusting names and me i just felt sorry for him hes lost his mum and lashing out at me but none of whats happened makes it right to behave the way he has done i can see it.

Yeh he triggered me again but well a death will always do that to no matter who they are or what they have done thats me cant help it

smacked

HE only found out this morning? That makes no sense. He told you this days ago..

Sorry you got sucked back in, but that's your choice hun.. you can get off the crazy train anytime you want to.

kia

i know tell me about it nothing comes from his mouth makes any sense i asked why it took so long to find out if it was true and he said his nans been trying to find out and finally did today so why have a go at me when they didnt even know suppose the answer is cos he can the last 3 days with no contact where good although i did worry nothing like this head spinning stuff so its back to no contact got suckered in cos he used a mate to get to me my phone was upstairs so hadnt heard it ringing hes been taken off my fb and msn but i dare say the phone will go quiet for few days cos he will not be working out whats next move least he cant use his mate anymore hes moving tomorrow along way from him and im not in contact with any of his few other friends so apart from the phone he cant contact me

Tally

Could always change your number.

JenT1968

or block his number or put the phone down when he rings.
nothing he says makes sense, everything that happens is an excuse for him to call you disgusting names and abuse you. His friends could well be lying too and in all honesty it doesn't matter whether his mum has died or not, he dishes this treatment out to you whatever is going on.

How is alanon going? are you still managing to get there?

kia

i did put it down quite a few times got quite alot of voice mails i would change the number but i do like this number for first time ever i can remember, but anymore of his rants or calls to be honest i can call the provider and block his number from coming through and will do if theres anymore. And yeh they could be lying for him seems he has alot of drinking friends and yes still going to al anon and was good meeting on tuesday i spoke this time and admitted am having some probs and listened to alot of other women who stayed with the drinkers and they are down trodden and beaten and i dont wanna become like that in 5 -10 years ,cos thats gonna happen if i stay with this cos hes not gonna get sober any day soon and all this madness is gonna carry on if i let it. Well im getting an early nite tonite and try and turn off all thats gone on today and start my new day tomorrow and today will then be the past and i will be able to let go of it and my new day will be so much better than today and will read a little of the al anon book i was lent by a member the one about self respect she told me to read

TakingCharge999

kia, go no contact you know what "no contact" means right. the question is, do you want to be free? or are you willing to go on like this the rest of your life. I vote #1 but its your decision.

IMHO he is worth nothing.

kia

your right talking charge xxxx

Bolina

kia, love, this all stinks to high heaven.

Even if it were true, what difference does it make to you and him? I know you'd want to be "there for him", but at what cost to you? People die every day, sadly, yet you can't be there for everyone who has lost someone, let alone be there for someone who treats you with the contempt that this man does for you.

Read back over your old posts, sweetie. This is not about booze. This man is just not good for you.

Tally

Do you ever think to yourself that you can't do better or you're not worth more? I used to, all the time, I'd blame myself for him flirting online with other girls, thinking if I was thinner or prettier he wouldn't do it. All that did for me was make me feel worse about myself. I didn't realise it at the time, you feel downtrodden so you accept it.

It's strange how we can get angry when someone treats someone we care about badly yet if it's us we accept it.

Imagine for a second that he was your daughters boyfriend and he was doing all this stuff to her. What would you say then? What would you do? How would it make you feel?

TakingCharge999

Recently in my new single life I have realized when its only me, things get done, concerts/events are enjoyed, and others are great to me. Just this weekend I went out on a holiday and it was INCREDIBLE. I got a room upgrade just because the owner liked me and we talked about yoga lol. And when I got in it was perfect and beautiful like a spa. And there was NO ONE there to tell me I was fat. To make me feel "less" or not "good enough". To insult me in the terrace then hug me and cry to me and promise "never again". Only it happened again and again and he couldn't care less about my emotions or feelings... 2 years later he can't care less about me, or anyone... they have a huge issue no one else is able to solve for them. Their act is superb, but once you know the truth there is no looking back.

So in this hotel room it was only me, peace, the E! entertainment channel, flowers, music from far away. A festive atmosphere without anyone abusing me.

I really wish kia that you give yourself the opportunity to live similar things. I was so happy and sensitive I cried just because it was so PEACEFUL and SILENT in MY ROOM. Because I knew that it was MY DECISION. I could have stayed and I could have gone with XABF but what for??? to step all over me?? to disrespect me over and over again?? I am realizing I am worth more than that and I hope you give yourself the chance to live something different than this!! it is worth the effort..

TakingCharge999

PS When janitors sympathize more with you than your partner you know something is wrong. When cab drivers are more friendly than your partner you know something is wrong. When an overseas coworker is more interested in your health, than your partner is, you know something is wrong. When the hotel's recepcionist gives you a hug when your partner would never ever do it in public you know something is wrong.... this man is not the only person on Earth, kia