Uncertain - day 24
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 135
Uncertain - day 24
I've made it to day 24. Longest I've not had a drink in over a year I figure. If I can get to two months it will be the longest in 8-9 years.
I have a networking event to go to after super. It's important for business. It's at a bar. I'm not worried about having a drink per say. But I'm aware of the irony of it.
Had my first full doctors exam today. The doctor looked pissed off when I told him how long I had been drinking and how much. I even cut the amount down from what it really was. Told him about how my side hurt when I drank. He said I was ok as far as he could tell. Still waiting for the blood work. It's strange I almost want them to find something with my liver so that I can be like, "see I told you your livers's messed up now. You can't drink."
I don't do AA or any type of support group other that SR forums. As I've been felling better and work is going fantastic I feel like my resolve is sleeping. Maybe it wasn't that bad? Maybe I should go to the family Christmas party and drink? But then I think about what my life was like. How much damage I did. How miserable I was. And I think no. I tried that. That did not work for me. even now if I was to drink I'm not trying to kid myself. I would get a litre of wine and a bottle of scotch and get plastered.
I think I need to recommit to sobriety. Move forward with exercise and such. Positive things. I've picked out a couple of night classes for January at my local college. Performance Engine Rebuilding and Fiction Writing. Keep busy move forward and not backwards.
It seems easy to forget all the pain. In a way I guess that's natural too. If we "felt" every painful thing we ever experienced as fresh as the day we received those wounds we would all go nuts.
Time heals all wounds?
I have a networking event to go to after super. It's important for business. It's at a bar. I'm not worried about having a drink per say. But I'm aware of the irony of it.
Had my first full doctors exam today. The doctor looked pissed off when I told him how long I had been drinking and how much. I even cut the amount down from what it really was. Told him about how my side hurt when I drank. He said I was ok as far as he could tell. Still waiting for the blood work. It's strange I almost want them to find something with my liver so that I can be like, "see I told you your livers's messed up now. You can't drink."
I don't do AA or any type of support group other that SR forums. As I've been felling better and work is going fantastic I feel like my resolve is sleeping. Maybe it wasn't that bad? Maybe I should go to the family Christmas party and drink? But then I think about what my life was like. How much damage I did. How miserable I was. And I think no. I tried that. That did not work for me. even now if I was to drink I'm not trying to kid myself. I would get a litre of wine and a bottle of scotch and get plastered.
I think I need to recommit to sobriety. Move forward with exercise and such. Positive things. I've picked out a couple of night classes for January at my local college. Performance Engine Rebuilding and Fiction Writing. Keep busy move forward and not backwards.
It seems easy to forget all the pain. In a way I guess that's natural too. If we "felt" every painful thing we ever experienced as fresh as the day we received those wounds we would all go nuts.
Time heals all wounds?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 85
Fiction Writing sounds exciting!
It is really good that you are looking for new ways to spend your time. You will find an amazing amount of joy soon as you discover all the things you've been missing. Try to really get into things, keep an open mind.
I think writing is a great activity to add to recovery.
Keep up you sobriety, one day at a time!
It is really good that you are looking for new ways to spend your time. You will find an amazing amount of joy soon as you discover all the things you've been missing. Try to really get into things, keep an open mind.
I think writing is a great activity to add to recovery.
Keep up you sobriety, one day at a time!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Tendencies, I commit to sobriety every day. That's what works for me. I try to keep balance in my life, and if things start to slip, then I need to take action and get centered again.
I hope your evening goes well!
I hope your evening goes well!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
I found that early on I had to immerse myself in my recovery program. The more active I got the more I felt committed to sobriety. Alcoholism is a very powerful disease and the more sobriety related activities we have the better our chances. If you are losing commitment you may want to turn up the volume on your recovery program.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,937
The doctor looked pissed off when I told him how long I had been drinking and how much. I even cut the amount down from what it really was.
I've heard that Dr.'s are well aware of patients not being truthful about how much they drink. So they take what patients tell them and double both the amount and frequency that they are told. I don't know if that is true or not, but Dr.'s are pretty smart people so I think they probably know.
I've heard that Dr.'s are well aware of patients not being truthful about how much they drink. So they take what patients tell them and double both the amount and frequency that they are told. I don't know if that is true or not, but Dr.'s are pretty smart people so I think they probably know.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
I've relapsed way too many times and now am dead certain that I can never moderate or drink 'normally' again. I used to get those thoughts too. That I wasn't 'that bad'... Like Anna, I work on my sobriety every day. I say thanks for it when I wake up and thanks again when I go to bed.
And by practicing gratitude my desire to drink is gone, wiped out by being grateful for my blessings.
And by practicing gratitude my desire to drink is gone, wiped out by being grateful for my blessings. Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 135
So I went to the bar....
So I did the networking event. I even ordered a beer for my buddy and got myself an ginger ale. It was fine. I was talking business so the focus was there.
Tonight 'm doing some work and will relax of course. Tomorrow is another day.
Christmas does have me worried. It's hard to beat 18 years of programmed drinking. It's like the holidays are wired for booze and indulgence.
Thanks all for your thoughts.
Tonight 'm doing some work and will relax of course. Tomorrow is another day.
Christmas does have me worried. It's hard to beat 18 years of programmed drinking. It's like the holidays are wired for booze and indulgence.
Thanks all for your thoughts.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Glad you kept in business mode...that was a victory...
My first sober Christmas ..I helped feed the homeless at a church kitchen
then went upstairs for their services
went to an AA club for snacks/games dancing ..stayed for meetings.
The 25th is also my DOS....it was 9 months that year.
There are alternatives to getting drunk ..regardless
of where you live....
My first sober Christmas ..I helped feed the homeless at a church kitchen
then went upstairs for their services
went to an AA club for snacks/games dancing ..stayed for meetings.
The 25th is also my DOS....it was 9 months that year.
There are alternatives to getting drunk ..regardless
of where you live....
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