maimai

No I didn't drink, but OMG. I think for me, one of my triggers is just feeling so freaking overwhelmed all the time. I am constantly on the go, work, kiddo, house, etc... Just lots going on (like everyone else, I know)

I know that I have lots to feel grateful for, but sometimes, I feel like my head is going to explode. tonight, got home from store, and house in shambles... hubby had cooked dinner and I walked in and he was eating w/o me.. How silly is that? I am so pi****** that he did not call me in to dinner. What? nuts, I know...

Just for a moment I wished I had a bottle hidden somewhere. But I don't. not anymore. not after years and years of hiding bottles and all that jazz..

so...

I am glad that day 106 is here, but I think I now need to begin some real recovery work. I have been researching different ideologies and not sure where I might fit in. Not really up for the AA in this small town. I have heard of those "reporting" on those they see leave the church after the meeting. nice, right?

sigh..

so.. I may try and check out a meeting near my work, in a bigger city... or something else.

And of course, SR. Thank God for this site!!!

I am going to drink my hot tea and try and calm the heck down...

I hope everyone is having a good, sober day and thanks, as always for listening...

Mai Mai

Dee74

Hi Mai Mai

I found I had lots of triggers I didn't realise I had either - I'd used drinking as a panacea for a lot of uncomfortable emotions and situations.

I think it's a great idea to go to a meeting if that's what you want to do. Support is important

Good for you for recognizing this trigger and getting through it
D

BoozeFree

That's great that you were able to over come that feeling of drinking. I also have been drinking tons of tea these past 2 days, I love it.

Anna

I'm glad you're doing well and that you're taking care of yourself.

When I began to really deal with all the 'stuff', I found a couple of books that really helped me - 'A New Earth' and 'The Power of Now', both by Eckhart Tolle.

MsCooterBrown

Thank GOD for this site..you were able to pound out your frustrations..every little bit buys some time!! "They" (not sure who they are) say H.A.L.T. as in don't get hungry angry lonely or tired. Well it looks good..but..really????? I don't know about anyone else but these are VERY common emotions. So..the trick for me is to try to see things different..change the way I react. I am in a calmer place now tho. My daughters are 18 months apart in age and there were times all hell would break lose. Anyway..now they are grown and things have quieted down. It would be nice if you could somehow remove yourself from the stress temporarily but I know that isn't always possible. I am glad you got thru this trigger and saw it for what it was. My main trigger is anger. I can go apesh!t at the drop of a hat. BUT I am working on it!!

maimai

Thanks, lady. I will check those out....

maimai

It is frustrating, to feel so angry so quickly. I mean, at times I wake up and think what in the world was I so mad about (reminds me of waking up and feeling guilty about drinking). I know that I am not special in the sense of that I won't have problems, issues, etc... but I think I have basically always been an angry person, I just pushed it down with booze.

Looking back in some of my journals, I was so shocked at some of the stuff I wrote.. I actually burned one of them b/c I was so mean. Mean to me.

That should give me something to chew on for a bit. Well, I have had a cup of tea, a piece of cake and I just keep looking over at my 10 yo and smile. She smiles back and just for a minute I think maybe, it will all turn out okay... And by it, I mean life....

One thing she deserves more than anything is a sober Mommy. Her ten years have been filled with some crazy sh** so,... I need to try and make the rest of her growing up as normal as I can. I may not know what normal is, but I know what it is not! She needs a calm sober Mommy... and so does her Mommy...



Thanks, as always, for all the support!!!

Hugs to all!!!!!!

coffeenut

You sound like you are growing in your sobriety. Knowing you need to work on yourself is crucial.

SR is my AA. I also read everysinglething I can on recovery.

Glad you're here.

DayTrader

Nuts....as in abnormal? nah. Bill wrote about it.

...check out p61 for the rest of it. It's a great read.

Get with your sponsor and let them know what's going on....I'm sure they'll have some advice for you.

--edit: it's GREAT that you're writing..... I find it VERY helpful. I find more "real" inventory in the muck that I dig up when I'm writing than just about any other activity that I do in AA. Keep it up, it'll serve you well.

LaFemme

Good work on working through the rough spot. Realizing that you need to do some work is awesome...its so easy to think once you are sober all will be well when in reality sobriety helps usnsee where we need to do some work lol. Like Ana I read a lot of books like Tolls...just go to the self-help section of your bookstore and see what speaks to you. I like meditation and exercise too. I also run nonstop all day but try to takes a moment whenever possible to just be happy...like when my train crosses the harbor bridge in Greenwich and I always make sure to look at the water and be happy.

Congrats on 106 days!

stugotz

Point, shoot, aim. Thats how I used to do it. Now its point, aim, shoot. I had to learn to think about things first. Its much easier than reacting first and having to clean up yet another mess. Just sayin...