bobbonez

Hey everybody, ive been feeling a little down latley. ive come here to seek advice and companionship with addiction. Ive been smoking pot since i was 12 years old. and drinking since i was 13. My biggest problem in my eyes (and this is a little bit embarrasing) is that i have been masturbating since grade 4. I know that im addicited to the first and the last for a long time. i dont see smoking pot as being a problem in my life. sure i spend about 140 dollars on it a month but my parents are more or less "ok" with it, i havn't ever been busted with it and its never caused any problems. I am a social drinker and it has caused multiple problems for me. i dont "crave" alcohol but when i do drink, i get about 3 or 4 drinks in me and im feeling pretty good but all of a sudden, BANG i black out and when i come out of the black out, i am very drunk. usualy when this happens i end up doing something stupid, such as kicking my house doors in because i forgot my jacket with my keys in it at the party i was at. on one occasion, i came out of a black out in a strange house standing in someones bedroom. i remember the people in bed looking at me with a look on their face wondering if it was a dream or if this was really happening. when they asked each other "who is that?" i responded, "He is in the wrong place" i dont think i did anything bad in that house and as soon as i realized what was happening i left the house and found my way home. It is things like this that made me want to stop drinking. When i told my dad (an active AA member) about the black outs he told me that is a sign of an alcoholic and i started to think about it.

Now to the big problem, like i said earlier, Ive been masturbating for a LONG time (i forgot to mention i am 20 years old) i have taken naked pictures of my girlfriend while she was sleeping to masturbate too. she eventually discovered these pictures and we nearly broke up. it was about this time that i took the first step, i admitted to myself that i have an addiction. i saw a counselor once and stopped masturbating for about a week. No avail i still do it. my girlfriend thinks i have stopped, have been doing it in secret for about a year and a half. i know a fair bit about addiction and i know i cant hid it forever. today i was looking up addiction and discovered that people can be addicted to love. This startled me a little bit and i started to look at my life with my girl friend. she sometimes can be pretty nasty, take her anger out on me when there is nothing i can see that she should be anger about. I just sit here and take it. I didn't go to college like i was planning to because she didn't want to move out of town with me. we have been together for over 3 years and have invested alot into our relationship. we have our own apartment. i guess what im wondering is, is it a problem with me? her? or us? she grew up with an alcoholic mother and drinks her self. she has been wondering if she is suffering from depression latley and im starting to wonder too. i lover her but sometimes i feel i need to get away from her. but because of the time we have invested in each other i feel compelled not to break up. at time we are happy with each other and at times we are not.

My life feels unmanageable and lost. I feel like i should keep writing but i have to get back to work. any questions, advice, and comments are welcomed and greatly appreciated.

Toronto68

I wonder if the substances and the masturbation could be connected. I don't know whether they are an addiction for you, but I would say that there is brain chemistry tied to our emotions and the things we consume or partake in.

Did the counsellor think this is addiction at work? I wonder if you can see an addiction counsellor.

The part about you waking up at someone else's house is quite concerning. You could get yourself implicated in allegations that you may never have had any part in if that type of behavior became more frequent. No idea if it is repeatable, but not worth assuming it is not.

Not really worth commenting on the college plans, but it does seem like you are allowing the relationship to determine a lot of life plans. But who am I to get in the way of relationships? Just something to think about.

Dee74

Hi Bob
Welcome to SR.

There certainly seem to be some issues in your relationship you might need to address.

Counselling is a great idea, and there are 12 step and other kinds of support groups for sex addiction although I have no experience with them. Google Sex Addicts Anonymous.

Reading your post, I'm also worried about the addictions you say are smaller problems. Those black outs would worry me, as would the $140 on pot.

D

bobbonez

like i said, other than spending the money on pot it doesn't seem to be a big deal, i dont smoke at or before work, i smoke a joint or a bowl after work and before bed and that is about it. and Toronto it was an additions cousiler that i saw i would have kept going too except that he wanted me to call back and make another appointment rather than booking the next one while i was there. never got around to it. one other thing i forgot to mention was that i smoke ciggerettes too, again not a big deal other than the health and issues and cost of it, but i have been trying to quit those too and failed. quitting is obviously not my strong suit.

Toronto68

Do you think you would be willing to get in touch with that place again to see either the same counselor or a different one if you didn't like the first one enough?

There is also a section here "for Men" and there might be topics in there that cover things you are looking into.

CarolD

I too think you would benefit from an addiction professional.
And your AA Dad could be a wonderful resource too.

Welcome to SR.....

LaFemme

I knew a guy who sleep walked like you do when he drank...it can be scary and is reason enough to quit.

I hate to say this but you are pretty young to feel chained to a relationship after investing 3 years in it. Believe me better to find out now then in 10 years...would it be possible to take a break from the relationship for a trial period? If its meant to be it will work out.

Stick around...this is a good place to learn about addictions.