The mind games they play in relationships
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 3
The mind games they play in relationships
Me and my ex-boyfriend are over. I have been through sooo much with him. Rehabs, jail,etc. He has had a problem for years way before I met him. Oh the lies addicts tell...I could go on and on. He broke up with me because he said I couldn't trust him!!!! That is humorous. lol. He has pawned things from me and his family. He doesn't attend any 12 step program because he says he cay CONTROL it. Yeah that is humorous.
The mind games he plays is ridiculous. He had me convinced I was crazy, would always be alone because nobody would put up with what he did, etc. I realize now after being away from him just how much damage he has done to my life. I broke up with him many many times but he always knew how to play the guilt trips on me.
This time is different it really is. NEVER AGAIN will I give an addict or anyone else for that matter the power to control me or my life. All the times I spent worrying about him, the money I spent paying his tickets, putting up with the mood swings, listening to the outright lies he has told me, being treated like a doormat. Never again.
The mind games he plays is ridiculous. He had me convinced I was crazy, would always be alone because nobody would put up with what he did, etc. I realize now after being away from him just how much damage he has done to my life. I broke up with him many many times but he always knew how to play the guilt trips on me.
This time is different it really is. NEVER AGAIN will I give an addict or anyone else for that matter the power to control me or my life. All the times I spent worrying about him, the money I spent paying his tickets, putting up with the mood swings, listening to the outright lies he has told me, being treated like a doormat. Never again.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
stillalive- you post sounds liberating! good for you. the lies are patholological and ridiculous. i have caught so many and they are so quick to refute the accusations. they are pros. and we are pros at accepting them, until we quit. i'm not there , but you are and that is great to see.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 3
I know
He lied so much it was funny. The funniest thing was when he broke up with me saying it was because I didn't trust him. Really? Why should I?
Everytime I would break-up with him he would turn around and make it look like he broke-up with me like he never heard me say it was over. Too funny
Everytime I would break-up with him he would turn around and make it look like he broke-up with me like he never heard me say it was over. Too funny
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19
Isn't it funny how it's the same lies, same situation, said by different people, and each time it seems like they really believe their lies? Part of the disease of addiction is the addict thinking that they are in control, when really they are being controlled by the addiction into thinking that. By saying they are in control they are trying to minimize the issue so that it's no longer a problem and they are able to continue on fulfilling their addiction.
Since my recovering friend's addiction has become active again he has told me that he disappoints people, that's just what he does. It's sad and frustrating that addicts can realize these things about themselves, but I think it gives them a sense of control that that knew that we can't trust them or that they will hurt us instead of taking a chance and trying to make it different.
You sound like you are getting clarity about the situation, and distance is giving you a new, strengthening perspective.
Since my recovering friend's addiction has become active again he has told me that he disappoints people, that's just what he does. It's sad and frustrating that addicts can realize these things about themselves, but I think it gives them a sense of control that that knew that we can't trust them or that they will hurt us instead of taking a chance and trying to make it different.
You sound like you are getting clarity about the situation, and distance is giving you a new, strengthening perspective.
Yankee
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 183
Stillalive,
You sound like I did when I broke up with my exab 5 years ago. Just be careful when you come down from the *angry* stage and the start to *miss* him stage. Not saying that you will, but just in case, be aware of the *suck* zone (where they suck you in) we have all been there!!...Stay stong Sister!
You sound like I did when I broke up with my exab 5 years ago. Just be careful when you come down from the *angry* stage and the start to *miss* him stage. Not saying that you will, but just in case, be aware of the *suck* zone (where they suck you in) we have all been there!!...Stay stong Sister!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Denham Springs, LA
Posts: 5
Almost everything you wrote is exactly what I went through but it was only for 3 months. Luckily, him breaking up with me was the best thing that could've happened, you should also realize that and keep moving on.
Once you cry enough and realize what he did and look at it from the outside you'll begin to heal and move on. I'm not sure how long you were with him but at least it's over now. Change you number if you have to, don't answer the door if he shows up, and start doing things with your friends and family again.
Good luck!
Once you cry enough and realize what he did and look at it from the outside you'll begin to heal and move on. I'm not sure how long you were with him but at least it's over now. Change you number if you have to, don't answer the door if he shows up, and start doing things with your friends and family again.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
if your full of alot of anger and break it off, thats the easy part or time, its when you calm down and have time to think is when your vulnerable to go back.
very important for you right now to concentrate of yourself, seriously think about what you will live with and what you want out of a partner.
very important for you right now to concentrate of yourself, seriously think about what you will live with and what you want out of a partner.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 44
Stillalive,
I can relate. My exab tells so many lies I can't even keep up. I don't think he can either. He left when I was 3 months pregnant and he went through great lengths to convince me it was because he was scared and wanted to get his life together. Even had some of his "friends" help try to convince me too. In my heart I knew but he is so good at deceiving. I was naive and trusted him so much I almost believed him. Until his real friends told me about his addiction and what was really going on. And even after I found out he denied everything and made me feel like everybody else was lying.He had me going crazy. I never dealt with an addict so I didn't know too much but after months of his deceit I now know better. It's sad because now I know he's just living a lie. He tells me he's getting help so he can be a good dad but I don't trust a word he says. And to make matters worse the addict girl he left me for contacts me telling me now that neither one of them do drugs and I am just preventing him from being the father he wants to be because I can't move on. And on the same day he had just finished telling me he was in rehab and was doing so much drugs the day our daughter was born he was out of his mind.
He stole, lied, cheated and I have hate towards him that I never felt before. I'm not quite at my breaking point but hopefully will be soon. Congratulations for reaching yours!!
I can relate. My exab tells so many lies I can't even keep up. I don't think he can either. He left when I was 3 months pregnant and he went through great lengths to convince me it was because he was scared and wanted to get his life together. Even had some of his "friends" help try to convince me too. In my heart I knew but he is so good at deceiving. I was naive and trusted him so much I almost believed him. Until his real friends told me about his addiction and what was really going on. And even after I found out he denied everything and made me feel like everybody else was lying.He had me going crazy. I never dealt with an addict so I didn't know too much but after months of his deceit I now know better. It's sad because now I know he's just living a lie. He tells me he's getting help so he can be a good dad but I don't trust a word he says. And to make matters worse the addict girl he left me for contacts me telling me now that neither one of them do drugs and I am just preventing him from being the father he wants to be because I can't move on. And on the same day he had just finished telling me he was in rehab and was doing so much drugs the day our daughter was born he was out of his mind.
He stole, lied, cheated and I have hate towards him that I never felt before. I'm not quite at my breaking point but hopefully will be soon. Congratulations for reaching yours!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Miles City MT
Posts: 1
I totally agree with you still alive.. I am tired of how my husband uses the label "addict" as a license to be an ******* and do whatever he wants and then run and hide behind "im an addict, its not my fault" and the lies.. ugh. I have been and am where you are right now..6 months ago I had filed for divorce but then I was dumb and took him back. now I am pregnant with our 2nd child and am more or less trapped due to financial and health issues.. but I hope you stay strong and do what you need to do!
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