Redheadsusie

Answer me a question - My son just confided in me tonight that Ah had been getting high with him - Ah had the weed and offered it to my son on the boat for the past2 Summers. My son had not wanted to tell me as he did not want to upset me but tonight he wanted to come clean as he knows how crazy AH is acting. My son is a college student but he does not smoke much pot - I know he has tried it and smoked some at his fraternity. Believe me I am not acting like my son is an innocent victim - he accepted the weed and smoked it but this is My baby who has worked so hard to get where he is at Virginia Tech and doing great. I am so upset right now - This is the final straw. Who gets high with their step son. He has been in his life since he was 10. How f'ing sick is that? I just want to throw up.

Phoenixthebird

Redheadsusie,
Your AH has betrayed your trust in him by getting high with your son. Trust is a difficult thing to gain and once you lose it, some say it is impossible to regain. While lies, betrayal and broken promises are painful, they don't always have to be the end of a relationship. There may be some situations where broken trust simply cannot be regained. If the betrayal was too large, and neither partner is unwilling to forgive, nothing you can do will ever make up for it.

The wounds we gain from being hurt by those that we love, admire and trust run deep and they are not easy to get over. These wounds sometimes shake the very foundation upon which a relationship was built and threaten to destroy the relationship forever. However, the first thing you need to know about rebuilding trust is that you cannot change or "fix" the other person. You can love someone like crazy and get hurt because of something they did and struggle with all your might to repair and rebuild your relationship because loving someone means loving all of them - flaws included.

No, it isn't easy. Repairing your relationship may be one of the most difficult undertakings you ever do. Trust is important though, it is a vital ingredient to a relationship and you need your trust to keep your relationship healthy and growing.

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The following quotes share the feelings of broken trust:

"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you”

“Trust is like a vase.. once it's broken, though you can fix it the vase will never be same again.”

“The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be...... and when they're not, we cry.”

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“Without trust, words become the hollow sound of a wooden gong. With trust, words become life itself.”

“Without trust there is nothing.”

“When mistrust comes in, love goes out.”

HoopNinja

Redheadedsue-my xah did this with my nephew (who is old enough to make his own decision). My nephew was 25 at the time and working as a waiter at a restaurant near where xah had a weekly gig. So he would go in and have a drink and listen to xah after work. Then they started to drink together (my nephew--not sure if he is an alcoholic, my guess would be yes). But then they started to get high too. So a 49 year old man was drinking and getting high with my 25 year old nephew (and yes, I know he has his own stuff--but still he's my nephew). It was just wrong.

It got so bad that my nephew did not even want to be around xah but xah would show up at my nephew's apartment when he got done with his gig looking for dope and he was always completely trashed. Finally one day my nephew threw him out and told him not to come back. Also, my nephew's friend came home from work one day and found his roommate smoking crack with xah.

When all this came to light I thought-at what age will he start to get high with the kids. He saw absolutely nothing wrong with getting high with my nephew, going to my nephew's house blasted to mooch dope or going to my nephew's friend's homes to smoke crack. I remember once, during a brief period when he was ashamed of his behavior I asked him that question. I asked him if he really wanted to F up his children’s lives like he had F'd up his own. He had nothing to say. This was shortly before I left.

I am sorry this happened. In your son's case it is even worse given that he does not have the problems my nephew has. Good for your son for telling you. It probably felt so good to get that load off his chest. It is great that he trusts you enough to tell you this happened.