Turning Point
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
Posts: 28
Turning Point
I hope today is a turning point. I am 26 year old male and deep down I know I am an alcoholic and that alcohol is killing me slowly.
I've always had a problem controlling my alcohol intake but I use to be able to limit it to 3-4 days a week. My brother died 2 months ago and now I am drinking every day to try and hide the pain and help me sleep. But the problem is alcohol is now having the opposite effect, I am so depressed and am suffering from insomnia, hence the 2am post.
My head and body hurts after constant drinking, I realise my body is telling me to stop drinking this poison, I can't take it anymore. I can no longer put my family through this pain, they are already in pain from my brother tragically passing away. They have been begging me to stop drinking but I haven't been listening - today I know must start listening. My long term partner has recently left me and this has been a big reality check. I want to remain sober to prove to her that I can be a good person.
I am scared that i'm not up to the challenge of being sober, all my friends and social gatherings are based around going to the pub. What will I replace alcohol with? What happens when I get over my latest hangover and feel like a drink?
I hope sober recovery can help me beat this awful disease and at some point I can help others.
I've always had a problem controlling my alcohol intake but I use to be able to limit it to 3-4 days a week. My brother died 2 months ago and now I am drinking every day to try and hide the pain and help me sleep. But the problem is alcohol is now having the opposite effect, I am so depressed and am suffering from insomnia, hence the 2am post.
My head and body hurts after constant drinking, I realise my body is telling me to stop drinking this poison, I can't take it anymore. I can no longer put my family through this pain, they are already in pain from my brother tragically passing away. They have been begging me to stop drinking but I haven't been listening - today I know must start listening. My long term partner has recently left me and this has been a big reality check. I want to remain sober to prove to her that I can be a good person.
I am scared that i'm not up to the challenge of being sober, all my friends and social gatherings are based around going to the pub. What will I replace alcohol with? What happens when I get over my latest hangover and feel like a drink?
I hope sober recovery can help me beat this awful disease and at some point I can help others.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome tpoint - I'm sorry to hear about your brother. Life can throw some pretty awful things at us and it makes it easy to want to numb ourselves. But, as you know, alcohol really isn't a solution.
I'm glad you're here and facing your problem. It's scary to think of life without booze, but try to stay in today and do whatever it takes to get through that day without picking up a drink.
Most of us have to forego the pub scene for a while.
This is a great place to get support, so keep posting and reading!
I'm glad you're here and facing your problem. It's scary to think of life without booze, but try to stay in today and do whatever it takes to get through that day without picking up a drink.
Most of us have to forego the pub scene for a while.
This is a great place to get support, so keep posting and reading!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,518
Hi and Welcome,
I'm glad you found us and I'm very sorry about the loss of your brother.
I also found that alcohol worsened my depression/anxiety and insomnia.
Yes, you can do this and we are here to offer support.
I needed to make a lot of changes in my life when I stopped drinking. I know that early recovery often requires big changes so that we can recover. I couldn't be around alcohol for quite a long time.
When you begin to feel better in a couple of days, why don't you come here and read the post you wrote tonight? It might help you to continue with recovery.
I'm glad you found us and I'm very sorry about the loss of your brother.
I also found that alcohol worsened my depression/anxiety and insomnia.
Yes, you can do this and we are here to offer support.
I needed to make a lot of changes in my life when I stopped drinking. I know that early recovery often requires big changes so that we can recover. I couldn't be around alcohol for quite a long time.
When you begin to feel better in a couple of days, why don't you come here and read the post you wrote tonight? It might help you to continue with recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
Posts: 28
Hi artsoul and Anna, thanks for your replies and advice. I will try and stick around as its obviously a really helpful community.
I feel I need to give up booze for my brother. After reading his diaries I realise he had a problem with alcohol and use to leave messages around his apartment telling himself to give up alcohol but he could never manage it, so I have to do it for him.
I feel I need to give up booze for my brother. After reading his diaries I realise he had a problem with alcohol and use to leave messages around his apartment telling himself to give up alcohol but he could never manage it, so I have to do it for him.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
Hi tpoint
Welcome
You'll find lots of people here who live happy healthy lives without alcohol - it really is possible.
Support made all the difference for m - whether it's staicking around here, or trying some face to face support like AA or whatever - support really helped me to not only quit - but stay quit.
I'm really sorry for your loss. Have you considered counselling? It's a far better and more effective way to deal with grief than alcohol, IMO...
D
Welcome
You'll find lots of people here who live happy healthy lives without alcohol - it really is possible.
Support made all the difference for m - whether it's staicking around here, or trying some face to face support like AA or whatever - support really helped me to not only quit - but stay quit.
I'm really sorry for your loss. Have you considered counselling? It's a far better and more effective way to deal with grief than alcohol, IMO...
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Tpoint...my condolences on your loss.
I think Dee has a good point about counseling...I dealt with grief by drinking and it took me 5 years to get sober. I'm sure your brother wouldn't want that for you.
Get sober for him...but more importantly, get sober for you.
Hugs, LaFemme
I think Dee has a good point about counseling...I dealt with grief by drinking and it took me 5 years to get sober. I'm sure your brother wouldn't want that for you.
Get sober for him...but more importantly, get sober for you.
Hugs, LaFemme
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Hi tpoint
I'm really sorry for your loss. Have you considered counselling? It's a far better and more effective way to deal with grief than alcohol, IMO...
I'm really sorry for your loss. Have you considered counselling? It's a far better and more effective way to deal with grief than alcohol, IMO...
Thanks
tpoint
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Tpoint, also very sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. All the best to you and your family.
I think it's in all of our instincts that when we finally come to really see what our drinking has done and what we've lost that we want to work to get those things back. But the first step of that process has to be getting sober, getting rid of that thing that lead to so many bad decisions.
People always told me at first that I had to make my own sobriety the priority. That was hard because I am the type of person who would rather take care of my loved ones before myself; it took a while to realize I really couldn't take care of anyone or anything so long as I kept drinking, I'd just keep digging the hole deeper.
What you replace the pubs with? Could be your family. Could be your friends if you can pull some of them away from the pubs and out to a dry place for the evening. This can also be a good way to reinvest in some sort of hobby or even experiment with a new one. Even if you have to resort to something banal like television, it's still good to distract yourself some while you get some time away from the bottle, as early sobriety is the most challenging period. Above all I would suggest plotting and thinking about what kind of plan you can make for long-term sobriety; this is a place that can help you with that.
And if you feel like a drink, just realize that you only feel like drinking. Feeling is not a truth itself, and doesn't mean we have to do. I feel like marrying Zooey Deschanel, but that's clearly a feeling that I have to put aside and think of what I ought to do instead.
I think it's in all of our instincts that when we finally come to really see what our drinking has done and what we've lost that we want to work to get those things back. But the first step of that process has to be getting sober, getting rid of that thing that lead to so many bad decisions.
People always told me at first that I had to make my own sobriety the priority. That was hard because I am the type of person who would rather take care of my loved ones before myself; it took a while to realize I really couldn't take care of anyone or anything so long as I kept drinking, I'd just keep digging the hole deeper.
What you replace the pubs with? Could be your family. Could be your friends if you can pull some of them away from the pubs and out to a dry place for the evening. This can also be a good way to reinvest in some sort of hobby or even experiment with a new one. Even if you have to resort to something banal like television, it's still good to distract yourself some while you get some time away from the bottle, as early sobriety is the most challenging period. Above all I would suggest plotting and thinking about what kind of plan you can make for long-term sobriety; this is a place that can help you with that.
And if you feel like a drink, just realize that you only feel like drinking. Feeling is not a truth itself, and doesn't mean we have to do. I feel like marrying Zooey Deschanel, but that's clearly a feeling that I have to put aside and think of what I ought to do instead.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 284
TPoint: tomorrow I will be 46 years old. I have almost 60 days sober. I wish I had quit 20 years ago, when I was your age. You have a fatal disease. The only cure is not drinking. Go to meetings. Keep coming here to SR. Your life is precious, don't waste it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
TPoint..I am truly sorrow for the loss of your brother. And on top of that..your partner left you.
I dealt with loss by numbing myself in mass quanities of alcohol. But what they (whoever they are) say is if you drink happy..you are in a happy drunk. If you are sad and drink...you sink even lower. Whatever your mood is..it is enhanced with drinking. BUT all I know is alcohol can turn on you in a heartbeat. It started to take away my spirit..I felt isolated and alone. Depression..anxiety ..insomnia..I suffered from all these things before I tossed in the towel and wagged my flag. Life is sometimes butt ugly to deal with..but it is dealt with so much more when you have a clear head.
My wish for you is peace and clarity! Stay with us.
I dealt with loss by numbing myself in mass quanities of alcohol. But what they (whoever they are) say is if you drink happy..you are in a happy drunk. If you are sad and drink...you sink even lower. Whatever your mood is..it is enhanced with drinking. BUT all I know is alcohol can turn on you in a heartbeat. It started to take away my spirit..I felt isolated and alone. Depression..anxiety ..insomnia..I suffered from all these things before I tossed in the towel and wagged my flag. Life is sometimes butt ugly to deal with..but it is dealt with so much more when you have a clear head.
My wish for you is peace and clarity! Stay with us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: London
Posts: 28
Thanks for your replies everyone.
Isaiah - some good ideas about what to replace the pubs with. I suppose the scary thing is that I have to do this for my rest of my life and I know this means changing my life drastically. I just hope I can be strong enough.
Isaiah - some good ideas about what to replace the pubs with. I suppose the scary thing is that I have to do this for my rest of my life and I know this means changing my life drastically. I just hope I can be strong enough.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Wa
Posts: 32
hang in there dude. Its tough but it will get easier with time. The advice that has already been given is great. I know exactly how you feel about those social occasions as I am a 27 year old male with only 5 months of sobriety. I was in a real deep dark place and I thought for years that the booze was just a way of self medicating for depression. I think that what you'll find with some sombriety that thngs will get better. Its just going to be tough. But believe me dealing with life and not just numbing yourself is actually a really nice change. Stay strong man and sorry to hear about your brother.
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
It gets less scary the more the whole obsession and addiction to drink gets. For one, once the cravings settle and you start finding other things to do I think most people start to realize that alcohol really isn't all that much.
When I first took a shot at sobriety I felt like I had nothing else in my life. I had moved to a strange town to be with a fiancee (when that broke apart my alcoholism began.) I didn't know anyone, I had a degree but a lousy job that barely paid, my plans to travel Europe were shattered when I lost my savings due to a hospital bill... there wasn't much to be sober for. So I could maybe get a couple weeks but then I'd go binge for a few days because I was depressed and bored with my life.
Eventually I just got so sick of it that I attempted suicide and it's quite remarkable I am even alive today. After that I realized it didn't matter so much what I felt like doing, I just knew I had to do something. So I got more involved in AA, I went into intensive therapy, but I also started writing, making music, reconnecting with old friends, doing charity work. A big part of it was just being terrified of not having something in front of me but over time I got calmer and started really enjoying these things I was doing.
So I guess I would just say, go explore, get busy with something even if it doesn't appeal to you right away, have fun even. Life is not so bad without alcohol, there are a thousand things you can put yourself into. And eventually I think most recovering alcoholics start to see that it's not an entire lifetime without alcohol that is scary, but knowing that in active alcoholism it is an entire lifetime of nothing but drinking and all the suffering that comes with it.
When I first took a shot at sobriety I felt like I had nothing else in my life. I had moved to a strange town to be with a fiancee (when that broke apart my alcoholism began.) I didn't know anyone, I had a degree but a lousy job that barely paid, my plans to travel Europe were shattered when I lost my savings due to a hospital bill... there wasn't much to be sober for. So I could maybe get a couple weeks but then I'd go binge for a few days because I was depressed and bored with my life.
Eventually I just got so sick of it that I attempted suicide and it's quite remarkable I am even alive today. After that I realized it didn't matter so much what I felt like doing, I just knew I had to do something. So I got more involved in AA, I went into intensive therapy, but I also started writing, making music, reconnecting with old friends, doing charity work. A big part of it was just being terrified of not having something in front of me but over time I got calmer and started really enjoying these things I was doing.
So I guess I would just say, go explore, get busy with something even if it doesn't appeal to you right away, have fun even. Life is not so bad without alcohol, there are a thousand things you can put yourself into. And eventually I think most recovering alcoholics start to see that it's not an entire lifetime without alcohol that is scary, but knowing that in active alcoholism it is an entire lifetime of nothing but drinking and all the suffering that comes with it.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,966
Hi TPoint
Originally Posted by tpoint
I suppose the scary thing is that I have to do this for my rest of my life and I know this means changing my life drastically. I just hope I can be strong enough.
Sure, its not a cakewalk to turnabout ones life. There will bumps in the path. Yet equipped with a proper attitude, one can manage those bumps and even turn them into an advantage for learning.
Stay committed to your addiction treatment plan. BTW SMART has some very useful Recovery Tools that makes a great addition to anybody recovery program. And continue sharing your recovery journey here at SR. You'll be glad you did
.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 1,130
Again, sorry to hear about your loss and your troubles. I completely understand the allure of pubs and bars and the social opportunities they provide, especially after suffering losses. For me, reading more books has been a tremendous benefit. Also, spending a lot more time planning my menus and cooking. I live alone but that helps.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
tpoint,
I got sober 21 September 2010 and am doing very well with it. I won't say I know how you must feel about your loss because it is something I had to deal with too. In the last week of October 2010, just a month or so ago, my younger brother (2 years younger) died suddenly of a massive heart attack. On the following Monday my 1st cousin who is my age also died suddenly, same thing. All this while I was in my first two months of sobriety. I sure didn't go back to the bottle but dedicated the rest of my sobriety to living as well and decently as I can for them, and my nieces and nephews. It isn't much, but it is all I can do. Be there for the rest of the family and be the head of one branch as best I can. Life isn't always pleasant, but it has its joyful moments. That doesn't mean I am strong or anything. Nor that I don't have very strong feelings of grief and loss. It does mean that my drinking would not help them or the family one bit, in fact the opposite. Loss and unpleasant circumstances are not directly tied to drinking anymore for me. Stuff happens. We learn to deal with it. Then life must go on. Sorry for your loss of your brother. It doesn't get any easier the older you get.
I got sober 21 September 2010 and am doing very well with it. I won't say I know how you must feel about your loss because it is something I had to deal with too. In the last week of October 2010, just a month or so ago, my younger brother (2 years younger) died suddenly of a massive heart attack. On the following Monday my 1st cousin who is my age also died suddenly, same thing. All this while I was in my first two months of sobriety. I sure didn't go back to the bottle but dedicated the rest of my sobriety to living as well and decently as I can for them, and my nieces and nephews. It isn't much, but it is all I can do. Be there for the rest of the family and be the head of one branch as best I can. Life isn't always pleasant, but it has its joyful moments. That doesn't mean I am strong or anything. Nor that I don't have very strong feelings of grief and loss. It does mean that my drinking would not help them or the family one bit, in fact the opposite. Loss and unpleasant circumstances are not directly tied to drinking anymore for me. Stuff happens. We learn to deal with it. Then life must go on. Sorry for your loss of your brother. It doesn't get any easier the older you get.
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