Vandawglier

Okay.

So my 18 year old son, who is in trouble with the law and is failing college, brought his friend over to study.

this is the friend who he has done drugs with and who got busted himself a month ago with a big bag of pot, scale etc.

My son says they are going to study then they are going to an NA meeting.

I let the kid in but I CAN'T STAND HIM!!! Everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie.

It's eating me up to be civil to this kid - yet could this actually be a positive thing.

I know this is stupid and you all have more important things to do than put up with my paranoia.

dollydo

Your house, your rules. If you don't want the kid in your house, just say no. They can study in the library.

Just my two cents.

suki44883

Where do they study? In his room or out in the open where you can keep an eye on them? If you don't trust this other kid, then if you allow him in your home, I'd make sure I knew where he was and what he was doing at all times. Of course, you also have the right to not allow him inside your home.

hello-kitty

???

Is that what your gut is telling you?

Vandawglier

Okay - so they were here and supposedly studied for a while. they then got ready to go to a meeting.

But before they left, my son wanted to show me that he had recorded a show for me to watch. He brought up the recording:

"Marijuana - the chronic history"

He says to me, "Mom, you should watch this - you might learn a few things." He says it with a big smile on his face. I look over and his friend the drug dealer can't wait to give me his sales pitch on how it's not a bad drug.

I lost it - yelled at them. Told them it doesn't matter what they think - it's illegal. Don't try to tell me how it's okay when their lives are on the edge of destruction with drug charges etc.

How can they be so dumb?????

dollydo

They are kids, all excited about drugs, it makes them feel grown up. Years later they will be toothless addicts, unless they seek recovery, and the only way they will do that is if they fall to their knees, and, are not coddled and enabled.

Again, I say, it is your house, you do not have to allow this friend in. Make some rules. mean what you say and mean what you say.

tjp613

Your son sounds just like mine 2 years ago. If you want a glimpse into your (or his) future here is my son's story: His drug of choice has always been marijuana but did lots of other things when he could get his hands on 'em. He failed college and wrecked his new car for the 3rd time. When i took the car away and asked for a drug test he ran away (literally) in the middle of the night...stayed gone for 3 days and I had no idea where he was. Finally found him and told him he either went to rehab or he was on his own. He chose rehab. We sent him to the best program in the state and he relapsed 3 weeks after he got out. He was kicked out of our home and was homeless for a couple of weeks. (This just about killed all of us.) He then went to live in a sober living house for a few months and convinced us he was ready to go back to school, this time in another town. We believed him. He flunked out another semester (his third) because all he did was party. He threatened suicide and ended up in the psych ward for a few days. After that he came BACK home until he broke the very simple rules and he again was on his own. He is now working long hours hauling junk and getting paid $8.50/hour. He lives with 2 roommates in a crappy, filthy house and does as he pleases. We give him no money but he is surviving. I don't know what kind of drugs he is doing, but he can't afford much. He isn't "happy" but he's OK and learning quite a bit about life now. He still thinks marijuana is harmless and I just shake my head. He just doesn't get it. Don't know that he ever will.

Do not allow druggies into your home. Period.

Kindeyes

I remember when my son was in high school and college. He had a few friends that I really didn't like. I thought that they were bad influences on him. It never dawned on me that he could actually be just as bad of an influence on them. It never dawned on me that other kids parents cringed when my son came around because he was trouble. Not my son! He was raised in a nice home with good, hard working, honest parents!

One of those kids I didn't like I had known for years. He was a nice kid in grade school and middle school. I really liked him in those younger years. But once he got involved in drugs.......I thought it was in my son's best interest to run interference and try to keep him away from that kid. Needless to say, it didn't work.

Another one of the kids I didn't like I had also known for years. He was really a bright young man. But he also got heavily involved in drugs and went sideways. I refused to let him in my house. I didn't trust him. And I simply didn't like him because he was an alcoholic and drug addict.

Fast forward ten years later.....the first young man is dead. He died of an overdose. The second young man was recently instrumental in getting my son into treatment and is working hard to live a sober life.

I'm not sure what the moral of this story is and not sure why I told it. Perhaps in the wise words of Forrest Gump's mother "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get."

gentle hugs

puddinface

I always would get a feeling about certain friends that my son would bring around. (A gut feeling that something just wasnt right.) I had a very hard time being nice to them because I didnt trust any of them. I also didnt trust my own son. My son would always make a comment to me that I didnt like any of his friends. So, he stopped bringing them around. That being said...every single one of them...that I had that feeling about....has been addicted to drugs....arrested for drugs....been in and out of rehab several times...or in jail for robbery or drugs. Every single one of them!! It seems to me that when our gut is telling us something...we are usually right.

sojourner

I absolutely agree with all the stories above. What is also disturbing is that these young people into drugs are either themselves criminals or are hanging around with criminals. And by criminals i mean breaking into homes looking for money.

How many of us have been victims of theft from our home either by our own offspring or by one of the "friends" they brought around who are getting a good look at our home and our "stuff."

I was recently broken into and robbed. The police said whoever did it knew my habits and knew a good time to break in. The police also said that whoever did this was/were young adults looking for drug money. So that means it was somebody on my street. But I gotta say that my AS or one of his "friends" is on my list of suspicions too. AS has his girlfriend's sister living at his place who is an active heroin addict. NO WAY do I want that situation touching my home.

so that is why I do not allow my son or his "friends" into my home anymore.

Hope that helps. If not, just forget it.

keepinon

When I started taking the focus off the other "influences" on my addicted daughter, I actually saw that she was attracted to people who were dangerous, did drugs, etc.if I got rid of one of them, another was waiting right around the corner.SHE had to change.Now she has sober friends..but only after she lost EVERYTHING and wanted recovery for herself. The real question is..what boundaries will make YOU and your FAMILY comfortable, safe, and not enable your son.When my kids had their druggie friends over I was uncomfortable in my own home..finally I told them NO mORE and I stuck to it..and beleive me they tested it over and over.BVut now my home is peaceful.