The secret.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Rugby, England
Posts: 20
The secret.
I’m approaching my 100th day without alcohol, the longest I have managed in 10 years of heavy drinking and know that this time I will not fail. I have learnt through many attempts at sobriety that giving up alcohol is the hardest thing I have ever tried to achieve and this time I am prepared.
I’m not going to lie, this attempt has been as difficult as the others. There have been days where I have felt so awful that I just wanted to close the curtains, climb back into bed and hope that when I awake again I’ll start to feel better. Of course life doesn’t allow that which makes the early stages of sobriety so difficult. I have to continue doing everything in my busy life with the additional burden of not feeling at all well. Not everyday is like that of course and the good days remind me what life can be like now that I’m not poisoning myself every day.
Why am I so confident that this time will be different? Over years of failed attempts at sobriety and reading thousands of posts on forums such as SR I developed a plan that was personal to me and helped me through my most difficult moments. The most difficult challenges in my sobriety are the following
• Trying to do too much
• Boredom
• Not working my own plan
• Temptation
1) Whatever I do is enough! When I stopped drinking, reality hit me like a ‘ton of bricks’ and I started to see all the things that I’ve not done well over the years whilst drinking. The standard of my professional work, the way I speak/engage with my family, the amount of quality time I spend with my kids, jobs that I just haven’t done around the house. The list is endless. When faced with the reality I tried to fix all the problems straight away which just lead to feelings of inadequacy and failure. I now recognise that I’ve lived the past 10 years ‘below par’ and will not fix everything over night and shouldn’t try to. When I feel good I try to improve something or get a job done that I’ve put off for years. When I’m feeling not so good all I ask of myself is to get through the day and not put any pressure on myself to do anything other than the minimum effort required.
2) I now have hobbies. Over the past 10 years all of the things I enjoyed when I was younger have been replaced by drinking. On previous attempts at sobriety I failed because I didn’t know what to do with myself as not drinking left a huge void in my life. I had not given this issue enough thought in the past but now realise that it is essential to start thinking about what I enjoyed doing and what activities I would do in my leisure time. I decided on the following….
Gardening. I have built (together with my dad) some raised beds in my garden and will start to grow fruit and vegetables from next year. This is something I think I will enjoy and I can get my two young children involved in and start spending more quality time with them. I’ve spent time planning what we’ll grow and have purchased all the seeds already.
Walking. I enjoy walking and have grown up with dogs so I’ve decided to buy one. I put a deposit down on a chocolate Labrador a week ago and the pup should be ready early next year for collection. I’ve talked about buying a dog for years but always found an excuse not to but now I’ve taken the plunge and we’re all really excited about it.
3) I’ve learned that my situation is unique. It’s true that I share so many experiences with other members on SR but the reality is that we all recover at different speeds, suffer different symptoms when in sobriety, connect spiritually and mentally with different people and have a wide variety of pressures in our lives. I’ve learned to listen to all the advice and tailor it to my situation. I used to be worried if I read a post that said they felt better after 4 weeks whereas I still felt lousy after 8 weeks or if I had symptoms that other people didn’t have. Work your own plan, do what’s right for you but just don’t drink.
4) I haven’t put myself into situations where I may be tempted to have a drink. Social functions, meals out, having any kind of alcohol in the house etc have been temporarily put on hold until I feel confident enough to tell everybody that I don’t drink. Don’t get me wrong, I am proud of my achievements so far but just don’t feel confident enough yet to stand up in front of people and tell them I’m a non-drinker. I did this once before and over the course of the evening was persuaded that drinking in moderation was fine and that one wouldn’t hurt me. That lead to another 3 years of bingeing.
Always interested to hear what works for other members. Let me know. And remember, whatever your plan is, if it means you don’t pick up the bottle……….. it works!
Cheers
Downster (94 days)
I’m not going to lie, this attempt has been as difficult as the others. There have been days where I have felt so awful that I just wanted to close the curtains, climb back into bed and hope that when I awake again I’ll start to feel better. Of course life doesn’t allow that which makes the early stages of sobriety so difficult. I have to continue doing everything in my busy life with the additional burden of not feeling at all well. Not everyday is like that of course and the good days remind me what life can be like now that I’m not poisoning myself every day.
Why am I so confident that this time will be different? Over years of failed attempts at sobriety and reading thousands of posts on forums such as SR I developed a plan that was personal to me and helped me through my most difficult moments. The most difficult challenges in my sobriety are the following
• Trying to do too much
• Boredom
• Not working my own plan
• Temptation
1) Whatever I do is enough! When I stopped drinking, reality hit me like a ‘ton of bricks’ and I started to see all the things that I’ve not done well over the years whilst drinking. The standard of my professional work, the way I speak/engage with my family, the amount of quality time I spend with my kids, jobs that I just haven’t done around the house. The list is endless. When faced with the reality I tried to fix all the problems straight away which just lead to feelings of inadequacy and failure. I now recognise that I’ve lived the past 10 years ‘below par’ and will not fix everything over night and shouldn’t try to. When I feel good I try to improve something or get a job done that I’ve put off for years. When I’m feeling not so good all I ask of myself is to get through the day and not put any pressure on myself to do anything other than the minimum effort required.
2) I now have hobbies. Over the past 10 years all of the things I enjoyed when I was younger have been replaced by drinking. On previous attempts at sobriety I failed because I didn’t know what to do with myself as not drinking left a huge void in my life. I had not given this issue enough thought in the past but now realise that it is essential to start thinking about what I enjoyed doing and what activities I would do in my leisure time. I decided on the following….
Gardening. I have built (together with my dad) some raised beds in my garden and will start to grow fruit and vegetables from next year. This is something I think I will enjoy and I can get my two young children involved in and start spending more quality time with them. I’ve spent time planning what we’ll grow and have purchased all the seeds already.
Walking. I enjoy walking and have grown up with dogs so I’ve decided to buy one. I put a deposit down on a chocolate Labrador a week ago and the pup should be ready early next year for collection. I’ve talked about buying a dog for years but always found an excuse not to but now I’ve taken the plunge and we’re all really excited about it.
3) I’ve learned that my situation is unique. It’s true that I share so many experiences with other members on SR but the reality is that we all recover at different speeds, suffer different symptoms when in sobriety, connect spiritually and mentally with different people and have a wide variety of pressures in our lives. I’ve learned to listen to all the advice and tailor it to my situation. I used to be worried if I read a post that said they felt better after 4 weeks whereas I still felt lousy after 8 weeks or if I had symptoms that other people didn’t have. Work your own plan, do what’s right for you but just don’t drink.
4) I haven’t put myself into situations where I may be tempted to have a drink. Social functions, meals out, having any kind of alcohol in the house etc have been temporarily put on hold until I feel confident enough to tell everybody that I don’t drink. Don’t get me wrong, I am proud of my achievements so far but just don’t feel confident enough yet to stand up in front of people and tell them I’m a non-drinker. I did this once before and over the course of the evening was persuaded that drinking in moderation was fine and that one wouldn’t hurt me. That lead to another 3 years of bingeing.
Always interested to hear what works for other members. Let me know. And remember, whatever your plan is, if it means you don’t pick up the bottle……….. it works!
Cheers
Downster (94 days)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Congratulations and thanks for the share...its always helpful to hear what others are doing. I find my dogs a wonderful motivation for sobriety and now Ian thinking that maybe I will try a garden in the spring as well. I tried one two years ago but drinking and gardening don't seem too compatible...lol.
Congratulations on 100 days:-)
Congratulations on 100 days:-)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Scotland
Posts: 60
Downster,
Congratulations, you are doing really well, great post.
I'm 18 days sober and so far it's going well, but i know i will have trying days, I'm getting a lot out of going to AA meetings, like the face to face contact as well.
Good luck with the pup, i'm sure you will have lots of fun with it and the kids.
All the best
Nawneet
Congratulations, you are doing really well, great post.
I'm 18 days sober and so far it's going well, but i know i will have trying days, I'm getting a lot out of going to AA meetings, like the face to face contact as well.
Good luck with the pup, i'm sure you will have lots of fun with it and the kids.
All the best
Nawneet
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,963
Most excellent post Downster.
I can so relate. Thank goodness that the will to concur can...when its at its most deepest desire.
Blessed be the victory over addiction....at the persona level.
I developed a plan that was personal to me and helped me through my most difficult moments.
Blessed be the victory over addiction....at the persona level.
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Great post - thank you!
My experience is similar (my sober time, too I think). Basically buildling and enjoying the sober life that the rest of the world seems to enjoy has been huge for me. I am learning that everything is NOT better when you add alcohol to it (au contraire!). Sober things are not lame. They are fulfilling in ways that drunk things never were.
My experience is similar (my sober time, too I think). Basically buildling and enjoying the sober life that the rest of the world seems to enjoy has been huge for me. I am learning that everything is NOT better when you add alcohol to it (au contraire!). Sober things are not lame. They are fulfilling in ways that drunk things never were.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
