Do I need to Change Sponsors?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
Do I need to Change Sponsors?
So I've been posting alot lately about my RAD and her "life coach" advising us to not have contact. My sponsor also gave me this advice.My daughters house mother and our old family therapist felt like we needed more communication. I was ok with no contact for a lttle while.Then it started feeling counterproductive and like both of us were digging in our heels.
i decided to try to talk things out with her. It went really well and we have been having great conversations.
I had alot of problems with some of my sponsors advice..she kept saying i was "checking up on the alcoholic'Which I wasn't. I was trying to have a relationship, not check up.I HAVE checked up on her and know what that looks like. She(my sponsor) wanted me to wait for HER (AD)to come to ME which she already had in several ways.It was starting to feel like a game.My sponsor even used some language to that effect saying"it's like a chess game, you have to plan your next move" or something like that.
My sponsor is not a mom and maybe that has something to do with it, I don't know. It's getting awkward.She has helped me alot, but I am not sure about continuing on after this last bit. Anyone have any experience w/not agreeing with their sponsor?
i decided to try to talk things out with her. It went really well and we have been having great conversations.
I had alot of problems with some of my sponsors advice..she kept saying i was "checking up on the alcoholic'Which I wasn't. I was trying to have a relationship, not check up.I HAVE checked up on her and know what that looks like. She(my sponsor) wanted me to wait for HER (AD)to come to ME which she already had in several ways.It was starting to feel like a game.My sponsor even used some language to that effect saying"it's like a chess game, you have to plan your next move" or something like that.
My sponsor is not a mom and maybe that has something to do with it, I don't know. It's getting awkward.She has helped me alot, but I am not sure about continuing on after this last bit. Anyone have any experience w/not agreeing with their sponsor?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
keepinon
I don't have a sponsor so I'm not sure what to say except that I am very interested in hearing what others have to say on this topic (for when I am able to get a sponsor). What should one do if it just doesn't seem to be the right fit?
I guess if I imagined myself in that position, I would simply talk to my sponsor and say that I respect his/her knowledge and experience but my gut is telling me to handle it this way.
Ultimately, keepinon, we have to live with our own decisions, our sponsor does not. My understanding of a sponsor is that they are to help us and guide us.....not to live our lives for us. Perhaps you can employ the same "take what you need" tactic that we use in our meetings and here on SR with your sponsor?
gentle hugs
I don't have a sponsor so I'm not sure what to say except that I am very interested in hearing what others have to say on this topic (for when I am able to get a sponsor). What should one do if it just doesn't seem to be the right fit?
I guess if I imagined myself in that position, I would simply talk to my sponsor and say that I respect his/her knowledge and experience but my gut is telling me to handle it this way.
Ultimately, keepinon, we have to live with our own decisions, our sponsor does not. My understanding of a sponsor is that they are to help us and guide us.....not to live our lives for us. Perhaps you can employ the same "take what you need" tactic that we use in our meetings and here on SR with your sponsor?
gentle hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
My sponsor was not active in parenting after the ex divorced him. It was an ugly divorce, and she kept the kids from him (they were very young at the time of the divorce).
Yes, there are things we have not agreed on when it comes to being a parent. However he has been a tremendous resource for me over the years in all other areas.
He and I can agree to disagree. That's part of the beauty of our working relationship.
Yes, there are things we have not agreed on when it comes to being a parent. However he has been a tremendous resource for me over the years in all other areas.
He and I can agree to disagree. That's part of the beauty of our working relationship.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Keep, I don't have a sponsor but it seems like a no-brainer to me... ESPECIALLY because she has no children!!! And I think that right there would be a very legitimate "excuse" that you could give her for wanting to try another sponsor. It seems to me like your gut is talking to you loud and clear but you're trying to do it by the book because it's worked for you thus far. That doesn't mean you shouldn't adjust your course every once in a while, eh? XOXO
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Keep your sponsor is giving you good advice.
The RAD NEEDS to focus on HER RECOVERY. Focus on learning how to LIVE CLEAN AND SOBER. This is a slow process.
A lunch meet maybe once a month or so where each can catch up on the others activities might be okay. RIGHT NOW she NEEDS to focus on herself. Bringing mom into the equation takes away that focus.
You will do what you WANT to do, regardless of what is advised, we all seem to, however, if I was you, and yes I am a mom, I would listen to my sponsor.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
The RAD NEEDS to focus on HER RECOVERY. Focus on learning how to LIVE CLEAN AND SOBER. This is a slow process.
A lunch meet maybe once a month or so where each can catch up on the others activities might be okay. RIGHT NOW she NEEDS to focus on herself. Bringing mom into the equation takes away that focus.
You will do what you WANT to do, regardless of what is advised, we all seem to, however, if I was you, and yes I am a mom, I would listen to my sponsor.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
I love it when my sponsor and I don't have the same thoughts - it gives me another side of the coin to look at.
I can ask her - hmm why do you see things that way? can you share more on your perspective? please share your e, s, & h.
Then I can take my thoughts, perspective, emotions with her perspective and go to the God of my understanding and say "Hey God, i see two paths, two directions, two ways of handling the situation - could you please let me know WHICH one is YOUR BEST for me? Maybe neither one of these are the Best one - can you show me YOUR way?"
My thoughts on a sponsor is a fellow recovery friend walking this path of life WITH us - to link our arms thru to help us on our OWN road. Not to take the steps for us, not to be our sole guide, but to be a lighthouse to help us find out way to the shore where our HP is waiting to heal us, comfort us and truly show us the WAY.
PINK HUGS to all,
Rita
Good prayer "Dear God if my prayers limit your plan for my life, please disregard my request"
I can ask her - hmm why do you see things that way? can you share more on your perspective? please share your e, s, & h.
Then I can take my thoughts, perspective, emotions with her perspective and go to the God of my understanding and say "Hey God, i see two paths, two directions, two ways of handling the situation - could you please let me know WHICH one is YOUR BEST for me? Maybe neither one of these are the Best one - can you show me YOUR way?"
My thoughts on a sponsor is a fellow recovery friend walking this path of life WITH us - to link our arms thru to help us on our OWN road. Not to take the steps for us, not to be our sole guide, but to be a lighthouse to help us find out way to the shore where our HP is waiting to heal us, comfort us and truly show us the WAY.
PINK HUGS to all,
Rita
Good prayer "Dear God if my prayers limit your plan for my life, please disregard my request"
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