Sobriety puts spotlight on my shortcomings
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 6
Sobriety puts spotlight on my shortcomings
I'm going to try to be as clear as possible, though my mind is all over the place, even when I was still drinking.
I am on day 9...for the third time in 1 year and I really feel lost and confused. The easiest thing for me was to admit that I was an alcoholic. It was obvious, I drank every night and sometimes in the morning before work. But now I have this "now what" feeling.
I am the type of person that makes plans to go to the gym and never goes. I planned to go to a meeting today, but felt too tired after work to do so. I didn't call my sponsor today. I just have no hope. But I didn't pick up today, although I wanted to. While drinking, I never lost my job, or family, or apartment. But I never got the new job, or friends or my own apt. But I was ok with mediocrity. I don't have the energy to fight city hall, which is my mind.
I feel deep in my soul that I am meant to do great things and I want to go to graduate school next year. All that is missing is the recommendations, but I haven't sent the requests. What if I don't get in, what if I am a failure.
I have never really tried in my life, except my senior year of college when I took 24 credits. Besides that I was sailing through since kindergarten or before. If I don't see results in 2 days, I quit. I'm not sure what I can do to change that.
I want to do SO much with my life. Be sober, Lose weight, go to grad school, get a new job, become a social worker, get healthy, get a support network and eventually have a family. But since none of that is happening tomorrow, what's the point, even though my actions today directly effect my goals.
I am focusing on my sobriety, but being sober puts a spotlight on all that is wrong with my life. How do I accept myself as is or start working on my goals. I want to do both. I was thinking of breaking up my goals into smaller pieces, but how do I reward myself, My word is NOT bond, it has never been. I know that if I planned to buy a shirt after I went to the gym for a week, I would 1) not buy the shirt 2) not believe that I would buy a shirt and 3) buy a shirt anyway. And I have no one in my life that would or could hold me accountable.
I hope that makes sense. I just feel hopeless and at this point I am hiding under my blankets until I figure something out. All I know is that I can't drink but there has to be more to life than that.
I am on day 9...for the third time in 1 year and I really feel lost and confused. The easiest thing for me was to admit that I was an alcoholic. It was obvious, I drank every night and sometimes in the morning before work. But now I have this "now what" feeling.
I am the type of person that makes plans to go to the gym and never goes. I planned to go to a meeting today, but felt too tired after work to do so. I didn't call my sponsor today. I just have no hope. But I didn't pick up today, although I wanted to. While drinking, I never lost my job, or family, or apartment. But I never got the new job, or friends or my own apt. But I was ok with mediocrity. I don't have the energy to fight city hall, which is my mind.
I feel deep in my soul that I am meant to do great things and I want to go to graduate school next year. All that is missing is the recommendations, but I haven't sent the requests. What if I don't get in, what if I am a failure.
I have never really tried in my life, except my senior year of college when I took 24 credits. Besides that I was sailing through since kindergarten or before. If I don't see results in 2 days, I quit. I'm not sure what I can do to change that.
I want to do SO much with my life. Be sober, Lose weight, go to grad school, get a new job, become a social worker, get healthy, get a support network and eventually have a family. But since none of that is happening tomorrow, what's the point, even though my actions today directly effect my goals.
I am focusing on my sobriety, but being sober puts a spotlight on all that is wrong with my life. How do I accept myself as is or start working on my goals. I want to do both. I was thinking of breaking up my goals into smaller pieces, but how do I reward myself, My word is NOT bond, it has never been. I know that if I planned to buy a shirt after I went to the gym for a week, I would 1) not buy the shirt 2) not believe that I would buy a shirt and 3) buy a shirt anyway. And I have no one in my life that would or could hold me accountable.
I hope that makes sense. I just feel hopeless and at this point I am hiding under my blankets until I figure something out. All I know is that I can't drink but there has to be more to life than that.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Welcome to SR!
I used alcohol as an excuse to fail in life too...scratch that, When I was drinking I never even tried.
The big surprise with sobriety is that things don't change overnight and I'm ok with that. I'm working on myself...spiritually, physically and emotionally, most important I am being patient with myself. I have a life coach who helps me with my goals...maybe youngsurvival should consider that. Also a good therapist or counselor. You can cchieve everything you want but its going to take work and its not going to come overnight.
I used alcohol as an excuse to fail in life too...scratch that, When I was drinking I never even tried.
The big surprise with sobriety is that things don't change overnight and I'm ok with that. I'm working on myself...spiritually, physically and emotionally, most important I am being patient with myself. I have a life coach who helps me with my goals...maybe youngsurvival should consider that. Also a good therapist or counselor. You can cchieve everything you want but its going to take work and its not going to come overnight.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Emilie,
Welcome to the forums!
Congrats on day 9!
Now that is a big list there. I don't have any ready made answers, except that I'd get into some counseling were I feeling that hopeless. I am afraid that immediate gratification is not really going to come immediately if you catch my drift. You didn't get in the situation you are feeling you are in overnight. None of us did. You won't get out of it overnight either.
So if you had to pick one item from your list that you'd like to happen first as a sober person, not a group of them, no perfection and no control issues just one of your list, which would you prioritize as worth working on first?
Lafemme you posted while I was writing thus the duplication. Great minds think alike!
Welcome to the forums!
Congrats on day 9!
Now that is a big list there. I don't have any ready made answers, except that I'd get into some counseling were I feeling that hopeless. I am afraid that immediate gratification is not really going to come immediately if you catch my drift. You didn't get in the situation you are feeling you are in overnight. None of us did. You won't get out of it overnight either.
So if you had to pick one item from your list that you'd like to happen first as a sober person, not a group of them, no perfection and no control issues just one of your list, which would you prioritize as worth working on first?
Lafemme you posted while I was writing thus the duplication. Great minds think alike!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
Welcome to SR!!
Congrats on your decision to be sober. Nine days is a great accomplishment for an alcoholic. What you are saying reminds me of how my mind raced endlessly in early sobriety. Things in my life that I buried with my drinking where all becoming apparent and it seemed totally overwhelming. The one thing I was told was to focus on my sobriety and all other things in life would be possible. I immersed myself in AA, got a sponsor, attended a lot of meetings and worked the steps. The process of working the steps has taught me how to deal with those feelings of being out of control and that things could be done one step at a time. I now realize that when I live my life that way a lot more gets accomplished and I am a lot more relaxed.
Stick with your program of recovery and the things you want in life will fall in place. It takes patience and staying sober.
Congrats on your decision to be sober. Nine days is a great accomplishment for an alcoholic. What you are saying reminds me of how my mind raced endlessly in early sobriety. Things in my life that I buried with my drinking where all becoming apparent and it seemed totally overwhelming. The one thing I was told was to focus on my sobriety and all other things in life would be possible. I immersed myself in AA, got a sponsor, attended a lot of meetings and worked the steps. The process of working the steps has taught me how to deal with those feelings of being out of control and that things could be done one step at a time. I now realize that when I live my life that way a lot more gets accomplished and I am a lot more relaxed.
Stick with your program of recovery and the things you want in life will fall in place. It takes patience and staying sober.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome emilie and congratulations on your 9 days! Is this the longest you've been sober?
I admire you for wanting to address things in your life, but wow, you're just getting sober. My thoughts and emotions were all over the place the first couple of weeks (at least).
You have some great aspirations, but life still involves doing what's in front of us and taking all the little steps to get there. Like sobriety, we can only live one day at a time, so break it down for sure (way down!!). And keep sobriety at the top of the list!
I admire you for wanting to address things in your life, but wow, you're just getting sober. My thoughts and emotions were all over the place the first couple of weeks (at least).
You have some great aspirations, but life still involves doing what's in front of us and taking all the little steps to get there. Like sobriety, we can only live one day at a time, so break it down for sure (way down!!). And keep sobriety at the top of the list!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Welcome Emilie
I always say the greatest irony of recovery is.. there's us - impatient alcoholics, used to instant gratification, most of us used to controlling outcomes ...
and then tell them there's nothing else for it...not only do we we have to wait to get better...but we have to take a leap of faith and trust that we will get better...but not necessarily in our own time.
I know it's hard not to run off with what happened ten years ago, or what ifs and what might happen sometime tomorrow, next week...but I think it really is in our best interests right now to try as much as possible to focus on today - todays the only day you can influence, like it or not.
Focus on what you have to do right now, and the primary task is staying sober.
Stick to that and you'll be that more prepared for any challenges when they arise.
Stick around here too - you'll find a lot of support
D
I always say the greatest irony of recovery is.. there's us - impatient alcoholics, used to instant gratification, most of us used to controlling outcomes ...
and then tell them there's nothing else for it...not only do we we have to wait to get better...but we have to take a leap of faith and trust that we will get better...but not necessarily in our own time.
I know it's hard not to run off with what happened ten years ago, or what ifs and what might happen sometime tomorrow, next week...but I think it really is in our best interests right now to try as much as possible to focus on today - todays the only day you can influence, like it or not.
Focus on what you have to do right now, and the primary task is staying sober.
Stick to that and you'll be that more prepared for any challenges when they arise.
Stick around here too - you'll find a lot of support
D
April 18, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,117
emilie -- Everyone is saying great things. Take it easy. Start with one thing -- staying sober. You've done a great job getting through the nine days. As far as accountability goes, SR can help with that. Let us know about that shirt, when the time comes.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: home
Posts: 205
Welcome!! To feel hopeless and not drink is a huge accomplishment.
Ah something I struggle with for sure. I'm working on this now. I'm learning to accept that I'm a work in progress and learning to accept that failure does come sometimes..And when it does I will survive.
I also struggle with trusting myself to get things done because in the past I have let a lot slide. I've found once you start making good decisions for yourself it gets easier to trust that you will in the future.
I don't think you're OK with meritocracy, I think you're just afraid to work for something more.
Originally Posted by emilie044 
How do I accept myself as is or start working on my goals. I want to do both.
I also struggle with trusting myself to get things done because in the past I have let a lot slide. I've found once you start making good decisions for yourself it gets easier to trust that you will in the future.
I don't think you're OK with meritocracy, I think you're just afraid to work for something more.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by Lilly03
I don't think you're OK with meritocracy, I think you're just afraid to work for something more.
thank you all or your comments. I will take it one day at a time and pray a lot. One of my major issues is being overweight and the fact that I am not drinking to get through the day and night, I really feel it and I want to jump out of my skin. I've been cooking a lot which is good, b/c while I was drinking I was getting take out 3 meals/day. I guess that's a step in the right direction.
I think my alcoholic brain is talking to me. If I can get disappointed and frustrated, I'll go out again. My longest stretch of sobriety was like 45 days in Jan/Feb. But then when I go out, I go out for months. And if I think now is bad, when I go out I am numb and doing nothing but going on gossip sites and wallowing in my misery.
I think I am going to plan small steps, like go to the gym 1 day per week and take a yoga class. and just increase it from there. i'm not good at being kind to myself, but it's time to start, and if I cancel it's ok. It's nothing to drink over.It's all about progress.
I need patience, lol
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 37
Hi,
Your story resonates a lot with me to be honest. I've been a problem drinker almost me entire adult life (18-30). I too have sort of sailed through life. I finished college, worked abroad for a few years. Came home, did a MA and now doing a PhD. I'm an intelligent guy and so have been able to get by doing the bare minimum to be honest. I'll miss days or sometimes weeks of study due to drinking binges but then cram and catch up for example. Recently I realise that I could be doing so much better. I'm continually broke, my health is starting to suffer and like you - I'm the world's worst procrastinator. For example, if I need to go to the dentist it will probably take me a year to get around to doing it, I don't go to concerts or on holidays like I did when I was younger, I make promises to myself everyday none of which I keep. It's a horrible feeling to be continually unfulfilled in terms of doing what you intend to do. I've only been off drink 9 days now myself. Already i feel better, and the key word for me stronger. I don't expect everything to change for me at once but I do know that by approaching my life with a clear head and period of sobriety under my belt I'll have a better chance of becomiong who I want to be and fulfilling the promises, big and small, that I make to myself.
Maybe I haven't explained myself very well.....
Anyway, the best advice is to continue your abstinence. get back in touch with your sponsor, support is the most vital thing. I'm sure you'll find that eventuall things will start to fall into place for you. Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!
Your story resonates a lot with me to be honest. I've been a problem drinker almost me entire adult life (18-30). I too have sort of sailed through life. I finished college, worked abroad for a few years. Came home, did a MA and now doing a PhD. I'm an intelligent guy and so have been able to get by doing the bare minimum to be honest. I'll miss days or sometimes weeks of study due to drinking binges but then cram and catch up for example. Recently I realise that I could be doing so much better. I'm continually broke, my health is starting to suffer and like you - I'm the world's worst procrastinator. For example, if I need to go to the dentist it will probably take me a year to get around to doing it, I don't go to concerts or on holidays like I did when I was younger, I make promises to myself everyday none of which I keep. It's a horrible feeling to be continually unfulfilled in terms of doing what you intend to do. I've only been off drink 9 days now myself. Already i feel better, and the key word for me stronger. I don't expect everything to change for me at once but I do know that by approaching my life with a clear head and period of sobriety under my belt I'll have a better chance of becomiong who I want to be and fulfilling the promises, big and small, that I make to myself.
Maybe I haven't explained myself very well.....
Anyway, the best advice is to continue your abstinence. get back in touch with your sponsor, support is the most vital thing. I'm sure you'll find that eventuall things will start to fall into place for you. Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
It takes some time for all the pieces to fall into place. You're still very early into it so give yourself some time. Peace and happiness will come. What I did to start feeling alive again was practice gratitude. I made gratitude my new habit to replace my drinking habit... and boy oh boy has it paid off. I start and end each day by being grateful for what I'm blessed with. And the more I express gratitude, the more there is to be grateful for. Try it.
We have a gratitude forum, give it a read and post your own gratitude. It's working for me.
I start and end each day by being grateful for what I'm blessed with. And the more I express gratitude, the more there is to be grateful for. Try it.We have a gratitude forum, give it a read and post your own gratitude. It's working for me.
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