clearcoyote

day 14 for me

last weekend (days 6,7,8) was very tough. very nearly relapsed on the Friday, unable to engage with people; dark depression. The Sunday was horrible too, switched off from wife and my two young children, very depressed..

what a difference this weekend! played golf on Friday and in the past I would always hit the bar at 5pm and drink beer after beer thinking about how late I could stay out, then it would be home with 2 bottles of red wine, one glass for my wife.

..this time around the whole family went to a neighbours for dinner and then out to a fireworks display. In the past, if I did ever attend these events, I would be praying for them to end to get home to bed or to the pub. what can I say.. I had a great time. at one point during the display, after casting my eyes over my 3yr old & 5 yr old, I welled up and had to hide my tears from them, a feeling of utter joy in the moment...tinged with some remorse that there haven't been more days like this.

later there were 10 of us around a table playing card games with family and some teenage neighbours. we drank tea and (SHOCK HOROR) it was fun!!!

last night was a bit tougher.. we went to a kids / adults party. the beer & wine was flowing. as soon as I arrived it was "ok, Red, White or Beer???". i quite innocently said that I was not drinking and had soda and ginger (which was very nice actually ) strangely I finally relaxed when a guy turned up with a half filled bottle of Jack Daniels and presented it to the host. the pity I felt for him gave me real strength and I had no desire to be that person. later on I was amazed at how many people are relatively SOBER at these events, they seem to drink 2-3 glasses of wine and then STOP. In the past I just assumed that everyone was as drunk as me. as we left you could spot the hardcore who had all "found each other" and were well on there way.. watching them from a sober perspective, they just seemed so sad.

anyways, enough of my ramblings, I guess all I am trying to say is that it does get easier as time goes on, and that we can find joy in the small things in life..

wishing you all the best on your journey x

crisplover

I needed to read that! I sat here on day 3 and im panicing about money, the future, christmas, money again and the whole time this little voice is saying 'have a drink, you're stressed' and also 'who are you trying to kid that you're gonna make it through xmas'

But you're post made me realise that what im feeling tonight won't be how i'm feeling tomorrow or next week.

Thanks.

kdr143

Congrats on 14 days!!!! I loved reading your post...i can relate to what you said
"I welled up and had to hide my tears from them, a feeling of utter joy in the moment...tinged with some remorse that there haven't been more days like this."

I have a 6 and 7 yr old and i think this too all the time when we are together!

I love playing golf too and always thought golf sucked without beer...I'm hoping to play sometime soon with some sober friends....
there is this place here in mississippi called the sobriety zone its a pool hall without the bar
i went with my boyfriend and how weird it was to play sober i actually suck playing sober but hey thats not gonna be an excuse to drink.........i might not be as good at pool but i'm a better person, mother, and friend.
thanks for the post
muah

Dee74

Congratulations on 14 days

D

artsoul

Great post! I was amazed as well to find out that not only was I getting through things without a drink, but I actually enjoyed alot of it. I thought that kind of positive feeling about life was reserved for other people, other alcoholics.

Every day is not bliss, but that's a part of staying sober, too. At six months, I'm still learning acceptance.

Congratulations on seeing the positive in sobriety and on 14 days. Thats GREAT!

least

Congrats and big hugs on your sober living. It's so worth it, isn't it?

Kerbcrawler

thanks for that too, i know how tough weekends can be especially,the good old british reserved culture of lack of expression, unless eased up with Alcohol, quality sober time with your kids..the best...thanks and good going.

clearcoyote

thanks all for your kind words

crisp, I have been reading your posts (lured by your profile pic lol) & I really hope that you can celebrate your achievements each day and realise just how great you are doing already. don't forget that people on here are right behind you.

I find sometimes that I get into a mood where my mind has put me in "worry mode" & it is only AFTER this point that the "worry subject" (money, kids, whatever..) enters my mind. I have realised that often worry is a state of mind rather than a manifestation an real issue that needs to be addressed (sorry, quite hard to explain lol)

I am sure that sobriety makes life's challenges more manageable and places them into the correct perspective. we may even tackle them with a smile one of these days.

topspin

Great posts, Clear Coyote

I was amazed, like you ;

"how many people are relatively SOBER at these events, they seem to drink 2-3 glasses of wine and then STOP. In the past I just assumed that everyone was as drunk as me.

Congrats on your early (and well-deserved ) sobriety !

Anna

Good for you, Coyote!

VeeTee

Great Post Coyote - thanks.

Same surprise here about not everyone else aiming to get buzzed to bits every time they go out.

vee

Itchy

Well said! Thanks.

coffeenut

Welcome!

I remember going to a restaurant and being amazed at the people NOT drinking alcohol. How in the world could they do that!