NEOMARXIST

Sometimes it may not feel like you really accomplished too much, but if you go to bed sober then that is an accomplishsment that you would have taken back in the madness of active alcoholism. When I have total gratitude for the simplest things like my sobriety then that's when i feel happiest and most contented and peaceful.

For me then I was a total binger, I always say that I don't think I'd have made it to be a 24/7 drunk as I'd have probably been dead long before that. When I think about my drinking and drugging then it was very much russian roulette and if I'd have kept playing then my luck would eventually have ran out and I'd have either ended up in prison for something I did in blackout or more like OD or suicide.

There are programs of recovery out there and they do work. I use AA and SR and much wisdom from elsewhere. However you have to be willing to 'work' it evry single day as part of your natural way of life. I know for this alcoholic then I have to connect with feelow alcoholics and addicts everyday to keep my alkie mind in check or else it wouldn't be long before my irrational alkie mind got the better of me.

I can never take that first drink. I know that alcohol would kill me if I let it back in my life again. I have managed to build my life back up in the past nearly 16 months. I am so grateful for this and so grateful for having SR and AA for me to use as a design for living a life of grateful and contented sobriety.

When I lose that sense of gratitude and contentment then i have to share about it and reach out and search for answers. If I wasn;t willing to help myself then i know my alkie mind would love to see me on a bench with 8 cans at my feet and wallowing in self-pity and letting my life be wasted. I have been there and it's not where I want to be. It's a lonely illusive existence and only brings shame, embarassment and physical, emotional and spiritual pain.

It sometimes can feel like a bit of a struggle to have to be willing to help yourself by reaching out and you just wish that you could just live a life without having to think too much about stuff. But for me I always remember what it was like in the cells and in court as a result of booze and drugs and just thinking "is it really worth it"?

I know that when i finally got sober I went to AA and SR with the sole purpose of getting sober, for me. I was beaten by booze and I knew I was an alcoholic and a drug addict. I am grateful for that acceptance.

Peace

least

THis knowledge is now ingrained in my heart and soul - finally - after several years of fighting it, I now accept this fact with gratitude. All my many attempts at sobriety were exhausting, always fighting the urge to drink. I always felt tired and hopeless. Not so anymore. Since accepting my alcoholism I've stopped fighting it and now my energy is better spent on enjoying my days. I am now happily sober instead of reluctantly sober - what a difference!

Kerbcrawler

Good to see your on better form today Neo, thoughts an feelings..they just keep on coming at us..how you deal with em is what matters, like you my mind races constantly,i used to Analyse and over Analyse everything, a lot better now at not doing that, my battle is the same, Alcohol will kill..if i dont handle the feelings/compulsions/temptations,that drive me to re,offend my better self and pick up, for me now picking up is like Russian Roulette, only each chamber has an extra bullet in,and my odds, of escaping unscathed, Decrease...just had another Heavy Viral like illness, still not cleared yet, i know much of this is the result of Damage inflicted by Excessive Alcohol Abuse...so my Gratitude firstly is gonna be to feel Fit And Healthy, and of course as a result of Waking Sober each day, this Time round Nothing is gonna be taken for Granted,i second what you say Neo in thanking SR, and other good programmes that help give people support when needed. theres a lotta great Helpful people out here,from all over, all the best.

Isaiah

Yes. My drinking also got to the Russian roulette phase. There's no "functioning" anymore and no reason there ever will be.

I know I can't be ungrateful or feel inconvenienced by the recovery tools that are out there. There are worse things out there than "work."