julez

Hi guys! First things first.... Happy Halloween! I'm very proud to say this is my first sober Halloween I've had in a very long time.
Now the next thing I'd like to address, is my Higher Power. OK, when I get certain "signs" I believe that they are the result of my Higher Power trying to help steer me in the right direction. I actually do BELIEVE that. But, when I'm not receiving any signs, or looking for any for that matter, I don't seem to have that blind faith. Why is that? Why is it I find it hard to "hand it over to God", even though I do believe? Does anyone else feel this way? Is this a crazy thing to ask? I suppose I'm not as developed in my spirituality as I could be. I have decided to work on it, and have bought some reading materials. I don't know that me working at it alone is enough though. Aside from AA, and regular church, what things should I be doing? Any answers will be appreciated. Thanks so much!
xoxo
Julez

LaFemme

Hi Jules and BOO!

I'm not in AA but I'm deeply spiritual and have always had a close relationship with God...I actually don't really ask God for a whole heck of a lot. When I drank I prayed For help all the time...I finally got it (well it was always there I just had to accept it, if that makes any sense). Anyway, I feel one of the most important things in spiritual awareness is to always be open to God...that means seeing him "in a grain of sand or a blade of grass" or whatever. I enjoy reading poets like khalil gibran and Blake and I meditate on Gods love (though not enough ). I just really think for me, always being tapped into my spirituality is the key to my own happiness.

Hope that helps and isn't too out there for you:-)

LexieCat

Just because you don't see neon flashing signs doesn't mean God isn't there. When we are "in tune" with our Higher Power, our intuitive skills are improved. We also ask ourselves what is the "next right thing" to do. If it isn't clear, we ask (pray) about it. Sometimes our Higher Power speaks through other people, too.

It isn't drama all the time (thank God--I had ENOUGH drama). Often it's just putting one foot in front of the other, and being open to the power.

artsoul

Years ago I read that for the last ten years of Mother Theresa's life, she felt that God had left her totally alone after a lifetime of feeling His presence.

Anyway, it seems that when it comes to God/the Universe/Energy, there's always another challenge, another question!

I really like what LaFemme and Lexie both said - maybe it's just about being open and that there's more to life than what we can perceive with our senses.

Eddiebuckle

Julez,

I found the third step to be difficult, but I suspect that in large part was because I was/am still "coming to believe." My ability to truly turn it over is limited by my spirtuality/faith. One book that was helpful: "The Spirituality of Imperfection" by Ernest Kurtz & Katherine Ketchm. Here are a couple of excerpts:

Addiction represents the ultimate effort to control, the definitive demand for magic... and the final failure of spirituality. Turning to the "magic" of chemicals signifies the desperate (and doomed) attempt to fill a spiritual void with a material reality - to make "magic" a substitute for miracle. (pg. 120)

What blocks Release more than anything else is the refusal to let go" that comes from the demand for security, for certainty, for assured results. Release, like spirituality itself, requires risk. (pg. 169)

gratitude is a mind-set, a way of seeing and thinking that is rooted in a remembrance - the remembrance of being without the gift. (pg. 176)

I don't know that my lack of spirituality was a cause of my drinking; I know plenty of non-spiritual people who have no issues with alcohol or drugs. But I do think that spirituality is key to my staying sober. It's hard to explain, but without that connection I'm certain that I would have relapsed by now. I don't think spirituality is an absolute thing, it is a process. It's not how much you have that's critical, its what direction you're headed that counts.

Edd

oak

I love this thread. I've been thinking about how to increase my sense of connection to spirituality for the last few months.

I like what everyone else said.

For me, it helps to remind myself to slow down enough to notice the wonder and connection in any given moment or situation. Even if it's just a few seconds of connection and wonder- I think it helps.

I also see awareness and connection to spirit/universal energy/god as a continuum. So if I do something that gets me a little closer, that is fine. I try not to see it as all connected or all disconnected. I agree with others that the connection is there, even when we are unaware of it.

You could think about what activities or when you feel most connected to spirituality/higher power. And find ways to do more of those things. For me, I think it is partly about action (meditation, stopping and redirecting my mind to really connect with other people and the world, spending time in nature, purposely contemplating the beauty and wonder of something, reminding myself that the earth gives me everything that I need to live- food, water, air, shelter, and company).

I cannot say I 'hand it over to God'. But I am feeling more and more aware of being connected and supported by the earth. Far from perfect, but making progress.

Julez- Congrats on a sober Halloween!!!

xuse

Good thread

julez

Thanks for all the responses. You've certainly given me some things to think about and be aware of. Some of you are aware of the ongoing struggles I've been having as a parent, and I think my quest for more spirituality has as much to do with that, as it does to help with sobriety. Right now both of those issues are overwhelming for me, so I'm trying to believe in "Gods" plan, that everything happens for a reason, and that I can reach out to God and He will help me see things and deal with things better than I have been. I need to find an inner peace, due to the chaos all around me. I'm going to work daily with a dear friend to try and understand better. What I am hearing from a lot of your responses is to slow down, be one with nature, and find my Higher Power in everything. This Monday morning, this November 1st, I am going to start on a new journey. You guys are the best. Thanks

Toronto68

I don't think I can add anything to this, because I think of myself as the kindergarten version of spiritual. But once in a while, when something reassuring happens, I find myself thinking (to It, or Him), "You did this for me, didn't you?" Ha ha.

I didn't end up doing anything to observe Hallowe'en, but that was my first sober one in ages too. (Twenty years? Fourteen for sure.) I have one special day on the calendar left before I've run through them all, and that's Remembrance Day. Then I'll be really close to hitting a year.

HideorSeek

Congratulations on a sober Halloweeen, Julez, FIRST AND FOREMOST!!!!

It's funny that you should bring this up, b/c something just happened to me yesterday that I felt was a God Shot. I agree with everyone else that it's the "little things" that sustain us, but every so often, I get a BAM!

So, I was watching a National Geographic special on Galaxies and have always thought that the images from Hubble are some of the most inspiring evidences of the divine. I mean they are just THERE, quietly in their grandeur and not a "response" to a request or plea and I think of God as like that...there, when we are ready and willing to see. But as I was watching and appreciating those beautiful spirals, I thought of the satellite images of the current caribbean hurricane and then I thought of the cross section of a Nautillus shell and then I thought of the microscopic images I have seen of atoms and you know what? The patterns are all the same! At that moment I felt such a sense of insignificance, but also a part of an immense plan. As above, so below. And it was sublimely comforting. I may not always be able to "feel" God in the way that I want to, but by simply being aware, there is such quiet evidence of His presence.

jamdls

Hi Julez, congrats on your soberHalloween. All I have to do is watch the sunrise or set, or see birds fly or animals play, or look in my grandkids eyes to feel God's presence; I have found the greatest peace and connection to God by seeing and appreciating the basic aspect of life. My spirituality also expanded by reading the bible and the book "The Purpose Driven Life" and practicing the things outlined in the book; I actually had to read the book twice over the course of a year to really put it into practice but it was time well spent.

DayTrader

I found I had plenty of belief that there was some sort of God out there but even after 18 yrs of Catholic schooling + church EVERY Sunday for as long as I could remember, I too "believed" yet seemed to have no real "faith" (not THAT there was a God but faith IN that God.....faith that He/She/It was and would continue to work in my life). Now honestly, I didn't think my lack of faith (.....you could also call it a lack of trust) was the main problem. While I saw it as A problem, I didn't think it was that big of a deal. As it turned out for me, once I started cleaning up that "not so important" area of my life.....everything else started falling into place. Just about all the other issues that were plaguing me started to straighten out. Hmmmm, guess it was a bigger deal than I thought, huh? Ya see, "trust" or "faith" didn't come naturally to me because the only thing I ever had faith or trust in was ME. I was the boss....I was in control.....and when that's the case, there's no room for God, you or any HP in my life. It's all about me, what I want, when I want it.....and hopefully if I can get all that (which I rarely did...) then maybe I'll be happy. Sadly enough, even when I did, the happiness didn't last long.

For me, once I truly hit bottom emotionally....once, even "dry," I realized I was still sick and tired of life.....I was sick and tired of the way I was living it and sick and tired of the results I seemed to keep on getting - failures, disappointments, fears, lack of control, inability to get things to just line up like I thought I could get them to...etc.... once that happened.....once I finally saw just how powerless and unmanageable my life REALLY was.... that's when I really started giving the 12 steps and AA a fair shake. I had to LEARN how to step aside and trust God. I had to practice it.....daily......as much and as often as I could. All my life (well, for a long time anyway...) I tried to convince myself that a positive attitude would bring about good results. That if I stayed upbeat in spite of "problems" they'd work out. ...all that.....that was just more of me running the show as I saw fit, exercising my will and my control, and living in denial and the delusion that things would just work out if I learned to do "this" or "that" right. The actual reality of it was that those tools didn't work anymore and I needed new stuff to work with. I needed a complete change of my outlook on my life, life in general, my thoughts, how I handle situations that scare or baffle me,....everything needed to change. I needed to learn how to trust someone and something other than me.....I learned how to trust God.

I found out how to do it in AA. I found a new way of living, a new way of thinking..... it came slowly but I had to learn it from watching everyone else do it and follow their lead. It was a grown-up copy-cat. Pretty simple, huh? I held a lot of reservations at first though. I didn't want to do most of that stuff, didn't want to get a sponsor. Didn't want to "join the club." Didn't want to be a part of any of it. Remember, I didn't trust anyone but me.... Over time though, usually as the result of more and more pain that came from MY rule and MY governance, I finally started to try that AA stuff.....simply cuz I ran out of options. Nothing else worked for me.

Keep looking, keep trying and keep searching......but I'd ask you..... pleeease consider that maybe "your best judgment" isn't the tool to be using from here on out. My best thinking landed me in the mess I was in - it wasn't the tool to use to get me out of that mess. Maybe it's time to try one of the things you've ruled out as being unnecessary??

GettingStronger2

GHUG!!!!!!!!!!!

So proud of you for yesterday! I won't weigh in on your question, since we have had conversations about it. But I know you will get there. . .you are making the journey, and what you seek, you will find.

Love you beautiful!

amy

Kmber2010

Happy Halloween right back at ya Julez. This is a good thread and lots of good input.