tammy123

I am scared and need help. I drink daily and want so bad to stop, but have not been able to. At 5pm today, 7 hours from now, it will be 24 hours without a drink. I hope I can make it to that point. I've lost my husband, my friends and in financial disarray and still all I can think of is to drink. I would save almost $600 a month if I would/could just stop. I didn't even stop during my pregnancies and for some reason, GOD blessed me with two healthy babies who I adore. I was hospitalized early this year with a lacerated spleen and bruised ribs from a fall I took. I went through withdrawals in the hospital and basically they detoxed me. I was sober for 6 days. I drank the minute I walked into my home. I hide my drinking, I lie about it, I drunk call and can't remember what I said the next day, it's humiliating and yet I continue. I am embarrassed to go to an AA meeting in person for fear someone might recognize me and my secret will be out. I can't have my children's mommies knowing I drink, they'll never let their kids play with mine again. I've prayed, I've cried out, I've begged and screamed and cursed for help, but if God is listening and answering it's falling on deaf ears on my end. Does anyone have any words or advice or any good reading material? Foods that may help with cravings?.....I could stand to lose 75lbs.
Thanks for listening. ~Tammy

caribbean

Hi Tammy,

I can completely relate to how scared you feel right now. Good for you for making it this far without a drink.

The good news is, everybody in an AA meeting is there for the same reason you are. Guess what, we're all a bunch of drunks just like you, and we GET IT!! Even at an open AA meeting, anyone who is there is likely interested in supporting others in recovery -- not doing anything that would harm you. It's especially scary to think about someone seeing you going into that first meeting or whatever -- but once you do it and nothing happens, it gets easier and easier as you realize that the fear was unfounded.

You're assuming your kids' friends' moms don't already know you are in bad shape -- they likely know something is up, although they may not know why. Trust me, if someone finds out you are getting HELP for your problem, it's very different from them finding out you have a problem and are not doing anything about it.

You don't have to go through this alone. AA might work for you; it has done wonders for me (and it took everything I had to get over the fear/guilt/shame of going to my first meeting -- took a few days just to get up the courage to do that. One of the best decisions I ever made). If you try it and it's not for you, there are other options.

Keep reaching out and asking for help like you just did, and your prayers will be answered through people. Big hug to you. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Chan

Don't allow other people's opinions hold you back. YOUR health and happiness is far more important than anything others think or say. Plus if you see someone you know, they will be there for exactly the same thing.

I wish you all the luck in the world. You can do this!

least

I've been told that the book UNDER THE INFLUENCE is very good and explains how we become alcoholics. There are excerpts from it in the alcoholism forum. If I were you I'd give AA a good try. It helped me a lot in my early recovery.

Welcome to SR!

Draciack

The first meeting's the toughest. But I had a choice to make: I could either die a bitter, alcoholic death or do everything I could to get help. Your call, Tammy.

Welcome to SR.

kargy

Congrats. You've made a decision and 24 hours is huge. I have to echo what the others have said, AA can be as anonymous or public as you make it. I know people who where their anniversary coins around thier neck on a chain and I've also walked into meetings and met people I've worked with, people I know from around the neighborhood whom I had no idea they were in recovery. Like the others have said, if you meet someone you know, they're there for the same reason. And if for some reason someone outside meetings were to find out, I'm pretty sure they would be much happier to let thier kids play with the kids of that nice woman in recovery, rather than those kids with the drunk mother.
I think you will find that if you go through the next few days not drinking, and no one here will say its easy, but much of the fear and anxiety will melt away. You may also want to talk to your Dr., and be honest about what you are doing, they may be able to make the next week a lot easier. Detoxing can be very uncomfortable and dangerous for some. Hang in there, you can do this.

LexieCat

Welcome,

I know how scary and embarrassing it is to find yourself in this position. The deal is, none of us CHOSE to be alcoholics--it happened. What counts is what we do about it.

As has been pointed out, your "secret" may not be as secret as you think. And ALL kinds of people go to AA meetings--doctors, lawyers, police officers, priests, nuns, school bus drivers. Only by recovering are they able to keep those jobs. Alcoholism is progressive--if you think it's bad now, trust me, it only gets worse if you don't deal with it. Your only option--your only chance for a happy life--is to recover.

Now, AA is not the ONLY way to get sober--but I went for it because I happen to think it's the BEST way. My first husband has been sober in AA for 31 years. I just celebrated two years. It works. I've seen SO many miracles as a result of the AA program.

If you're wondering what goes on at an AA meeting, here's a cool link that explains what to expect at your first AA meeting. It does a good job of explaining what happens, what are some of the customs and practices you might encounter. I also suggest you take a look at the Big Book--the basic "text" for AA. You can buy a copy at most meetings for $6-7, or here's an online version to get you started.

LawMama

I have been where you are. You are not alone! The first 24 hours are the toughest and it gets easier and easier. It really does. I was scared about my first AA meeting, too, but there is a reason it is called alcoholics ANONYMOUS. Anyone who is there is there for the same reason you are and they can help you. I can almost 100% promise you will feel better after a meeting.

You don't need AA to get sober....there are people here who have done so. For me, AA has changed my life for the better. Before I felt like a bad mom....now my relationship with my son has improved 100% and I get to feel good about being a mom. Before I felt sick and unhealthy every day....now I wake up every day with energy, no headache, no acid reflux, and no wondering what I said/did the night before. Before I was lonely and thought God didn't exist or abandoned me....now I have a better relationship with God than I've ever had in my life. Sobriety has so much to offer you!

Like others said, there are other ways to get sober and stay sober. AA helped me a lot.

Either way, YOU CAN DO THIS. Our disease is a terrible one that will try to overcome us at every turn, but it is beatable.

Stick around....we would love to help.

Dee74

Hi Tammy

Welcome

I'm not in AA but I agree everyone is there for the same reason - and alcoholism is not a moral failing - you're not a bad person - you just need to get better.

Please don't let pride or shame stand in your way of getting help

You'll find a lot of support here
D

Anna

Tammy,

I'm glad you found us.

I don't use AA either, but I do come here to SR every day and I have for years. It's my lifeline. I honestly think that the best way to deal with cravings is to get through it. Each time you get through one, then it will get easier.

Fandy

hi Tammy;

welcome to SR....keep reading and posting and get through the next few hours and day....call your doctor if you feel bad an be honest with him/her...you can get some help and counseling without telling anyone.

and for what it is worth, alcohol is empty sugar calories....cut them out and you are cutting back quite a bit of extra intake...i saw a lot less bloat in both my belly and face.

Taking5

Welcome. I am newly relapsed so we have something in common.

sobermax

Hi Tammy,

very glad you have found this place. Please read and post - there is lots of inspiration and support.

Welcome!

SM

LawMama

Oh Tammy....meant to add I lost 10 pounds when I stopped drinking. Doesn't happen for everyone but I was packing on a lot of calories with my boxes o'wine.

artsoul

Welcome, Tammy - I hope you keep reading and posting. It's quite scary to think of going without alcohol forever but if you can get through the next few days, you'll begin to feel different and think different. The anxiety will start to go away.

Take it a day at a time and don't worry about the next day until it gets here. Just do whatever you have to not to pick up that drink during the next 24 hours. I lived on this forum for a couple days and it gave me hope and helped me stay focused.

There's a lot of people who are here to support you. I hope, no I know, you can change your life around. We were in the same place you are right now. Just know that you don't have to stay there anymore.:ghug3

SSIL75

Hi Tammy how are you feeling today? You sound very scared. I remember the feeling well

The first few days are very hard. It's a big leap of faith to ignore the voices in your head that are screaming for their BFF, alcohol. And believe the whisper in your gut and heart that knows better.

I am not in AA but use some of 'rational recovery''s tools (AVRT, you can google).

As long as you keep drinking you will not be happy. I really had to believe that will all my heart. And take a big leap of faith and just quit. Once you get through the first few days you can focus on buildling your new and wonderful life.

Have you considered inpatient rehab? Can your ex-husband mind your kids while you're taking care of yourself?