Strange and emotional night.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Edmonton, Alberta.
Posts: 398
Strange and emotional night.
What a strange and emotional night I've just had.
My best ever-student is currently appearing in a high-profile show (I sometimes teach acting). It is his first job and of course I went to watch. He was quite brilliant - shining amongst a cast of much more experienced and well-known performers.
We went out afterwards and I was amazed because he thanked me for 'allowing me to believe in myself' and said he loved me. Had to leave before I burst into tears.
It made me realise how little respect I've given to my exhausting, poorly-paid and amazing job in the last three years, and that while I may not currently buy into AA, I really can help other people on a daily basis in a different context. It is such a privilege to work with some of these young, passionate people; something I have largely lost sight of in drink. I have been taking my resentments out on them, planning poorly (or not at all), and generally being an active alkie, with all the rubbishness that comes with it. And I wonder why my students don't react to me the way they used to! I have been talking a lot about 'declining standards' recently, but didn't realise that I meant my own.
I also learned tonight that the woman who inspired me most when I was training died at a horribly early age earlier this year. She was the one who 'allowed me to believe in myself' and I so wish that I had told her. She was extraordinary and I can't believe someone who radiated so much life is gone.
Not quite sure how all this links up, but it does and seems important.
Deeply proud of my boy and heartbroken about C.
Forgive the aimless venting please.
My best ever-student is currently appearing in a high-profile show (I sometimes teach acting). It is his first job and of course I went to watch. He was quite brilliant - shining amongst a cast of much more experienced and well-known performers.
We went out afterwards and I was amazed because he thanked me for 'allowing me to believe in myself' and said he loved me. Had to leave before I burst into tears.
It made me realise how little respect I've given to my exhausting, poorly-paid and amazing job in the last three years, and that while I may not currently buy into AA, I really can help other people on a daily basis in a different context. It is such a privilege to work with some of these young, passionate people; something I have largely lost sight of in drink. I have been taking my resentments out on them, planning poorly (or not at all), and generally being an active alkie, with all the rubbishness that comes with it. And I wonder why my students don't react to me the way they used to! I have been talking a lot about 'declining standards' recently, but didn't realise that I meant my own.
I also learned tonight that the woman who inspired me most when I was training died at a horribly early age earlier this year. She was the one who 'allowed me to believe in myself' and I so wish that I had told her. She was extraordinary and I can't believe someone who radiated so much life is gone.
Not quite sure how all this links up, but it does and seems important.
Deeply proud of my boy and heartbroken about C.
Forgive the aimless venting please.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
It wasn't aimless venting, sobermax - it was a lovely & inspiring thing to share. I'm sorry you lost the lady who was your inspiration, but I feel certain she knows how you feel.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: merseyside
Posts: 54
Must have been a very emotional evening. Sorry about your friend passing. The main thing is you still didn't drink and made it though another day, be proud of yourself.
Don't think it was aimless venting, glad you shared
Don't think it was aimless venting, glad you shared
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