Gossip
rode hard and put away wet
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 999
Gossip
My home group is basically a newcomer group. I know people gossip and so most times, I try to get outta there when gossip starts after or before a meeting because I know me and I know I am one who loves me some juicy gossip. I am too early in my recovery right now to risk it and I know how dangerous gossip can be.
But this time I was a target of gossip and it's causing a whole load of damage. Or it has the potential to make a mess of an already wobbly situation in my life. I am trying to pray and maintain some sanity in the midst of all this.
My sponsor has been helpful. She likes to say that some are sicker than others and for some reason, that is comforting.
I just need to listen to my HP on this one. But if anyone has any insights and experience, I would love to hear some. Because right now I am having a hard time staying on my side of the street and staying on the beam.
Thank you in advance.
Namaste.
But this time I was a target of gossip and it's causing a whole load of damage. Or it has the potential to make a mess of an already wobbly situation in my life. I am trying to pray and maintain some sanity in the midst of all this.
My sponsor has been helpful. She likes to say that some are sicker than others and for some reason, that is comforting.
I just need to listen to my HP on this one. But if anyone has any insights and experience, I would love to hear some. Because right now I am having a hard time staying on my side of the street and staying on the beam.
Thank you in advance.
Namaste.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I've been on both sides myself......gossiper and gossipee. Being the "target" is a valuable lesson though. It teaches you all too quickly to avoid the other side....tempting as it may be sometimes. 
You're doing the right thing Bella... hitting up your sponsor and leaning into your HP. Can't really go wrong with that plan. It'll be uncomfortable for a while but know this...sometimes we go through stuff like that JUST to learn the lesson.
...and yer sponsor's probably right but I like to look at it this way instead since it helps keep my out of the seat of judgment: you don't know what they're recovering from. - We all come in as alcoholics or drug addicts, but the use of those substances, we learn, is just a symptom of and underlying problem(s). Maybe those folks had childhoods and adult lives that were SOOO bad, they're actually doing pretty will by "just" gossiping about you right now.
Keep speaking to your HP....asking for understanding, knowledge of His will and the power to act upon it. He'll deliver.... count on it!
You're doing the right thing Bella... hitting up your sponsor and leaning into your HP. Can't really go wrong with that plan. It'll be uncomfortable for a while but know this...sometimes we go through stuff like that JUST to learn the lesson.
...and yer sponsor's probably right but I like to look at it this way instead since it helps keep my out of the seat of judgment: you don't know what they're recovering from. - We all come in as alcoholics or drug addicts, but the use of those substances, we learn, is just a symptom of and underlying problem(s). Maybe those folks had childhoods and adult lives that were SOOO bad, they're actually doing pretty will by "just" gossiping about you right now.
Keep speaking to your HP....asking for understanding, knowledge of His will and the power to act upon it. He'll deliver.... count on it!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
I was the topic of conversation in my drinking.
and the topic of some peoples conversation in my sobriety.
I have no power over what people say or tittle tattle about me..none ..zilch..
The only thing i can do is not do it myself.......simple....turn and walk away.
Pray for them...its obviously to painful to talk about themselves and consequently focus on others...
and the topic of some peoples conversation in my sobriety.
I have no power over what people say or tittle tattle about me..none ..zilch..
The only thing i can do is not do it myself.......simple....turn and walk away.
Pray for them...its obviously to painful to talk about themselves and consequently focus on others...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: DE
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by shaun00 
Pray for them...its obviously to painful to talk about themselves and consequently focus on others...
....Prayers for your peace
Attended By a Single Hound
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: England
Posts: 425
Maybe I'm too logical, but if you've an issue with someone, waiting till they're out of ear shot to say so just seems wholly illogical to me. Of course there are ways of saying things to people, but if you don't tell the person who you've an issue with then that person can't do eff all about having upset you or whatever. Simple as.
I'm often on the recieving end of the gossip in my 'community'. I'm the only bipolar, underweight, council estate, junkie in the group, far as I know, and not all the people in my community know why I'm underweight or why I have a certain accent or that I'm bipolar or an addict - I'm pretty open and those who don't know I'm those things are usually the people who don't bother to ask and sometimes the people who instead speculate or gossip when I've left the room - I often hear second and third hand accounts that this month I'm anorexic, or I used to be in a gang or I'm just generally wierd.
If these people don't come to me and tell me I've upset them or they're concerned about me I can't do bugger all to explain, clear up, apologise or rectify my behaviour, demystify the situation...and it ain't me who needs dymstifying so it ain't me who suffers (in the long term); it's their problem and till they face it and face me I can't help or even try to.
As for rumours etc...well, any mate who knows me (who really is a friend) will know me well enough to laugh it off or to come ask me about it if its worrying them. Anyone who chooses to believe one side of a story without hearing every side, anyone who is even into 'taking sides', anyone who suddenly decides not to speak to me or whatever cause of a rumour they've heard without even approaching me...they've done me a favour, I've not lost a mate...just realised they never were one.
Gossip, rumours, hearsay etc don't damage, change or determine who I am except in how I react to them. I am what I say, what I do and what I feel and so are the people who gossip and band rumours about. Their behaviour ain't a reflection on me and while it may cause upheavel for me in the short term it doesn't mar or damage or corrupt me in the long term - only I can do that. The people who stick around and stay open and honest minded get to see that.
Really cheesy, but know yourself and others will, in the long term, know and want to know you too. Gossip or get caught up in it all you'll forever be jumping from one sinking gossip ship to the next without knowing yourself or anything of anyone else either. *shrug My mates come to me and I go to them for advice, empathy, etc but they don't even involve me in gossip or relay it to me (they figured quick my reaction would be dissapointing).
Occassionally I'll hear something that was going on six months earlier and ask 'is so-and-so ok?' only to be told 'Oh, ofcourse, it was months ago, its sorted now'...bliss
I'm often on the recieving end of the gossip in my 'community'. I'm the only bipolar, underweight, council estate, junkie in the group, far as I know, and not all the people in my community know why I'm underweight or why I have a certain accent or that I'm bipolar or an addict - I'm pretty open and those who don't know I'm those things are usually the people who don't bother to ask and sometimes the people who instead speculate or gossip when I've left the room - I often hear second and third hand accounts that this month I'm anorexic, or I used to be in a gang or I'm just generally wierd.
If these people don't come to me and tell me I've upset them or they're concerned about me I can't do bugger all to explain, clear up, apologise or rectify my behaviour, demystify the situation...and it ain't me who needs dymstifying so it ain't me who suffers (in the long term); it's their problem and till they face it and face me I can't help or even try to.
As for rumours etc...well, any mate who knows me (who really is a friend) will know me well enough to laugh it off or to come ask me about it if its worrying them. Anyone who chooses to believe one side of a story without hearing every side, anyone who is even into 'taking sides', anyone who suddenly decides not to speak to me or whatever cause of a rumour they've heard without even approaching me...they've done me a favour, I've not lost a mate...just realised they never were one.
Gossip, rumours, hearsay etc don't damage, change or determine who I am except in how I react to them. I am what I say, what I do and what I feel and so are the people who gossip and band rumours about. Their behaviour ain't a reflection on me and while it may cause upheavel for me in the short term it doesn't mar or damage or corrupt me in the long term - only I can do that. The people who stick around and stay open and honest minded get to see that.
Really cheesy, but know yourself and others will, in the long term, know and want to know you too. Gossip or get caught up in it all you'll forever be jumping from one sinking gossip ship to the next without knowing yourself or anything of anyone else either. *shrug My mates come to me and I go to them for advice, empathy, etc but they don't even involve me in gossip or relay it to me (they figured quick my reaction would be dissapointing).
Occassionally I'll hear something that was going on six months earlier and ask 'is so-and-so ok?' only to be told 'Oh, ofcourse, it was months ago, its sorted now'...bliss
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: AA Rooms
Posts: 268
Well said guys. There is a quote about gossip in As Bill Sees it. We have to examine the motives of gossipers, be it ourselves or others. Loved that bit about people being spiritually sick and not wanting attention focussed on their stuff. My counsellor said to me today also that certain types people always look for a scapegoat, just ignore the gossip and show people who you really are not what someone else says you are.
Annette
Annette
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Spiritually sick (unrecovered) alcoholics do what they do. I think gossip is a killer for people in early sobriety. Literally. Cliquey, high school popularity contests have no place in AA, but they sure are human nature.
One of the great freedoms of a spiritual way of life is freedom from the judgment of others.
One of the great freedoms of a spiritual way of life is freedom from the judgment of others.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
