Debbie

I guess that is how I have been feeling lately. Sorry for myself. I've had a lot on my mind. Things keep happening that make a loan we are taking out, not happen.....I am worried I won't have money to pay for the taxes or this car we bought (banking on a loan that just doesn't seem to be happening). If we don't sign soon, the hubby might not be around to sign. He has his court date on Thursday.

Which leads me to another issue. I feel bad for him, I really do. He could be facing 6 months in jail. But lately (not just lately) I have been feeling annoyed about how his actions indirectly always affect me. I wasn't the one who drank that day, I wasn't the one that drove the car into the neighbors fence. But we had to pay to get the fence fixed, we had to get a new car and now I am feeling the stress of being over extended and it pisses me off.

My life will change on Thursday if he goes to jail or not. If he goes to jail, there are many more things I need to take care of that he usually does. If he doesn't go to jail and gets house arrest, I get the sentence too. I need to get all the little conveniences off my phone, I need to stay off the phone in case he gets his voice print call, many little things that are probably very insignificant, perhaps I am being selfish, who knows. I guess every now and then I think its okay to be that way. And then I feel bad for having the thoughts.

I don't even know why I am posting this. I guess I really haven't said any of this to anyone. I am thankful he is sober, and I should be thankful for many other things in my life. But right now, I am feeling sorry for myself and I guess I decided to throw myself a little pity party. I know, not very attractive.

Anyway, thanks for listening to me vent. I guess I just needed to get it out.

Many hugs,
Debbie

phoenix

(((((((((((((Debbie))))))))))))

Got cheesecake?

phoenix

smoke gets in my eyes

Debbie...

Go right ahead and party. It's not naughty to have resentments. What's hurtful is when you bottle them up until you explode when somebody shakes you a little bit. (Who, me?)

Cheesecake. Yes.

Hugs!
Smoke

Gabe

I've come to the party, and I brought my pity pot with me. I'm in similar circumstances, having to cut my expenses due to the ex-A and his reduction in child support payments (because of drinking and job loss). He is trying to be more responsible in that area, but it's slow going at this point, and my bills still need to be paid.
It's really hard when you are forced to pay for someone else's mistakes.
I'm treading water right next to you pal. Let's cheer for each other and hope that we keep our lips above the water level.
Peace,
Gabe

Stephanie

Hi Debbie,

I think it's perfectly fine to feel sorry for yourself once and a while and you've got a lot on your plate. I know all too well about feeling the consequences of someone elses actions. I struggle with what is enabling and what is saving your own a$$.

I hope you feel better. It will all work itself out the way it needs to.

Love ya,

Stephanie

journeygal

Debbie,

You have every right to feel the way you've been feeling, and to deny it or stuff those feelings inside does more harm than good, as Smoke so wisely pointed out. You're right, it sucks when their actions affect us, whether we enable them or not. You did nothing wrong, yet your life is affected by his mistakes.

I'll be praying that the loan goes through before Thursday. That whole process is so nerve-wracking, no fun at all.

Hang in there and have another slice of cheesecake.

Love and hugs,
JG

Summer

I treated myself to cheesecake the other day. It was soooo good. But then I felt guilty for spending so much on on little piece ($5.50 cndn). I'll still treat myself but maybe go somewhere else next time. It's was still worth every bite.
Summer

Debbie

************{everyone}}}}}}}

You have be craving cheesecake now.....lol Perhaps I will, maybe......not sure

My computer has been down for a couple hours and I just sat here thinking. Not sure if that is good or bad. I am really trying hard to let this go, erase it from my mind for the moment, its not easy.

So, right now I am going to go to the mall and window shop and buy a pair of shoes (I have a credit I never used and it needs to be used soon!).

Thanks for all the encouraging words. IT really does help

Many hugs,
Debbie

PS - Gabe, I know are heads will remain above water and I also know we will be out of the water before winter comes along. Just waiting for the door to open and it will be opening soon!! I am positive for both of us!

Debbie

Well, I am just going to keep on whining on this thread. I thought my pity party was over but obviously its not. I've been doing pretty good keeping my emotions in check especially at work. Well, today decided to be that time of the month and I just sat at my desk and cried. I feel like crying right now. I keep saying why me?? Then I think why not me? Its kind of hard to convince myself that things could be worse.

Oh well, its raining. Perhaps a cup of tea, a good cry and I will feel better.

Thanks for listening.

Cecilia

No matter how many boundaries we set or how much we detach, its still us with our little mop and bucket. Cleaning up the mess. Kinda makes you want to hit them over the head with the bucket and shove the mop up their butt.
Along with the turkey.
(Sorry. The devil made me say that about the turkey.)

Gabe

Today was a truly depressing day weather-wise. Raining and cloudy all day, then dark at 5PM with even more rain. I can't handle weather like this when I'm feeling good about life. My ride home was just gross, but it sure made be glad to be home once I got there.
I'm putting us both in God's hands pal. Surely he will send help to his beloved children.
Peace,
Gabe

Debbie

LOL Cecilia......today I am just feeling way to sorry for him. He is depressed and its kind of rubbing off on me. I know what he did was wrong and I know he needs to face the consequences but I just feel bad for him. I guess I am way too emotional today

Gabe, it was an awful weather day and I even skipped getting gas just to get home and gave a sigh of relief that I made it home. I know God doesn't give you more than you can handle but some times......I could just use a break. I remember fleeting moments of happiness and I sure haven't felt them lately. I can fake it though. Been faking a lot for a while now. Any way I digress Maybe tomorrow will be better. I hope so.

Hugs to you both.

Love,
Debbie

Ann

****{Debbie}}}

It's been endlessly rainy here too, so at least your mood matches the weather. It's okay to feel sad...just don't hang out there too long.

Treat yourself extra nice and don't worry about what is out of your hands.

Hugs and Love
Ann

Daffodil

((((((HUGS FOR DEBBIE))))))) and Gabe,

There was a point in my recovery when I thought I'd never stop crying.....details don't matter.....in here we're all hearts that hurt.

Besides that you probably just had something in your eye....atleast that's what I was to tell the boys when they'd see me crying while stirring the pudding.....boiled it all over the stove once while I was crying so hard...

Not matter what's going on we all need hands to hold while we peek around the corners in our life....You take care Ya Hear!....It's your party and you can cry if you want to.

Love and prayers from one who cares

Debbie

Hi Ann and Daffodil

Thanks for the hugs. I've been trying to be good to me but I am just feeling so blue. I thought I was doing well today and then while I was away from my desk, he called and left a message on my voicemail. He was crying. It just broke my heart, I guess I am an old softie.

Anyway, I am taking the day off tomorrow to spend with him just in case he goes to jail on Thursday. They would take him right from the court room and if he goes to jail its a minimum of 120 days so I guess its kind of a good bye just in case.

Then of course the loan business. Lord only knows what will go on with that.

I am letting it go, handing it over and hoping for the best.

I think I will go cry again. Its cleansing so I know its okay

Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie

Daffodil

PLease past the tissues.....We neeed them!

Will surround you with prayers today, tomorrow, and Thursday...Friday will send you a ton of hugs. The only way is though....but you knew that didn't you. I could tell you did..but I needed reminding....
Love, ~~A~~

lyn_blossom78

(((((((Debbie))))))))

So sorry I'm so late for this pity-party! I guess I've been partying all by myself. Been in a bit of a depression, and I guess I'm just starting to recognize it as such. When is this life going to get better? Please pass the cheesecake--if there's any left!

Keeping you in my prayers, as always,

Lyn

Debbie

Hi Daf, I tell you if we had stock in tissues we would all be independently wealthy

Hi Lyn, Its nice to see you. I've missed you around here.

Thanks for all the prayers and hugs ladies. I do appreciate them. Today I am just going to try and enjoy my day (although its pretty rainy out there) and tomorrow what will happen, will happen. I will give you an update.

Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie

PS The cheesecake around here is never ending so help yourself And I don't think it has any wheat it in

MindyK

Debbie;

I'm new here and I really don't feel it's my place to give any advice, but I wanted to let you know I can SOOO relate! I make over $10K more in this job than where I was last year, and still, we're broke becasue it's $40 here and $30 there and $60 over there, everyday because he's weak. I feel so strong, yet SO DRAINED with work, kids, life... at least I know I'm not alone anymore, though you probably already knew! I will keep you in my prayers for the loan, and tomorrow, when court comes, good luck. As Cecelia says in her signature, Everything always works out in the end. if not, it's not the end. Keep your head up...

Debbie

Hi Mindy

And welcome to the boards. This is such a great place for support.

As for the finances, they can't get blood from a stone. I will do the best I can until the loan comes through and if they don't like it, they can throw me in debters prisons (is there such a thing anymore?). I'll make the car payment, the insurance payment and keep the electric on. Everything else, oh well.......

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers, I do appreciate it.

Take care.
Many hugs,
Debbie