kia

dont really know how to type this am so upset so will just say it he left me a message on msn saying it was ok what id done and that he had been chatting to his daughter so stupid me thought ill give him a ring cos his msn keeps going off all the time and well his currant gf was there and some mate of hers in the back ground and i was immeditely on the defensive cos hadnt relised after what had happened last night he would have her back straight away again but i carried on cos i had phoned to see what his daughter had said cos i thought he meant his 13year old whos hes not seen for about a year now. Well he tried to talk to me but they started shouting things in the back ground horrible things like there gonna get my things that are still there and he had already said he wouldnt let anyone touch em and that i was a t**t and a ***** and should leave him alone then they were laughing at me it was horrible i ended up crying on the phone im shocked to be honest that he let that happen he didnt laugh though he was embarassed i would say but he didnt try to stop em doing it just said ill try and chat to u later when theyve all gone and they went nutty at that comment such madness and i was so upset so i just put the phone down cos had enough and now feel please dont critise me cos im already doing that to myself thought it would be ok to phone him and it wasnt so now im down at rock bottom again when will i stop doing this to myself docs are very important now

Kassie2

take it easy... you know what not to do again. Remember you can't control what others do you can only decide what you will do in response.

LucyA

Oh Kia, I'm close to you, only along the East Lancs Road, about half an hours drive away. Hope you can feel me reaching out.
You had a bad experience, but you've learned from it yeah?
You know now what not to do?
What are you doing to look after yourself?

coffeedrinker

:ghug3Kia,

I think most, if not all, of us have done similar. That's just how we learn. Feeling rotten right now is productive for you; you will not take a chance on him being a civil and decent guy....ok?

You will be better soon, when you have more time and distance from his hurtful ways.

kia

i erm im just concentrating on not doing something stupid i got an app for my dog though tonite and i feel alot of ppl reaching out to me its the only thing keeping me going right now the only thing i managed to plan but only in my head cant actually put anything into action cos have no money right now

freebuthurting

I have to say that your XAB sounds like one of the most manipulative people I have heard of. Don't beat yourself up about what happened but do learn from it as all the others have said.

JenT1968

Can you think of some positive things that you can do now to protect yourself from going through this hurt and pain again?

I know this can be difficult to think around, but some of the ways I try to do this are 1) imagine that my situation is that of a friend or sister/daughter, what steps could I think of for her? or 2) read around the posts here for other people's situations, think about what advice I would give them (if they asked for it) and then relate that advice to my own life.

Remember that there are very few irreversible decisions, so if "I am NEVER going to do that again" or " I am ALWAYS going to do this" seems like too much of a wrench, try something for a month, or something similar: enough time to be able to work out if it has worked or not, but not setting yourself up for an impossible goal?

kia

yes i think he is too even though he always insisted it was me trying to control him yeh right like i could ever do that but will learn one thing dont phone him up

freebuthurting

Well that seems to me to be how alcoholics and codependents dance. Trying to control is a little different to manipulation though. My RAH used to call me a control freak - he was, on reflection, 90% correct.

kia

u think i always thought they were the same thing is that were im looking at things wrong

freebuthurting

They are very very similar. It may just be my opinion but I think manipulation is more sneaky.

kia

hmm u could be right the best bit he always admits his lies but says sorry like that makes it ok and no it doesnt make it ok by along way

freebuthurting

No it doesn't. There are very few things in life that I dislike as much as being lied to.

wicked

oh yes, kia, i understand this!
especially when it seemed to me that everytime he said "i'm sorry",
THAT was a lie too!

it meant nothing, it was not an apology, not really, it was as easy to say "morning" as it was to say "i'm sorry".

beth

kia

i know and weirdly so does he hates been lied to has caused many fights between us when he thought i had and have never done that and yet his new gf does it all the time and he thinks this is ok obviously isnt able to manipulate her the same as me anyhow vets time will let u know when i know

freebuthurting

Good luck with the vets - hope your four legged friend will be ok.
x

kia

she needs an anaestic cos they want to x ray her the vet said she doesnt know whats up nothing obvious there no lumps she can feel but shes deteriated very fast from a mild limp to almost not been able to walk we couldnt get her out the car was heart breaking so am worried now but we will know on thursday whats going on she said it could well be advanced arthrisis but i think this came on too suddenly for it to be that she gave her more pain killers though to make her more comfty and she said if it is arthritsis then they can give her stronger ones to ease it so we shall have to see how this turns out but will kill me to lose my dog too will devestate me

wicked

kia,
I know this is a very difficult time for you.
Could you try to relieve your dogs pain, and just enjoy her in this minute?
Let her know how important she is, keep her close and talk to her.
I think you will both feel better.
Lets try not to worry about what COULD happen, but make the best of right now.
Okay?

Beth

kia

i will try to wicked shes not living with me atm though shes with my daughter cos well its along story but basically well i didnt see this one coming mind u whats been happening lately never saw any of that coming i mean whats next eh

wicked

boy, i get this one too.
be good to yourself kia, and keep her memory in your heart.
i am thinking good thoughts for you and your recovery.

beth