how many times do I say "I can't"
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Langley, BC
Posts: 1,007
how many times do I say "I can't"
I bet I say that 40 times a day......and I've only now started really paying attention to it.....and it's sad. how negative!
I can't go to the gym...too tired
I can't go to a group or outing - too many people
I can't go to work, I feel miserable
I can't get my finances sorted out
I can't get a plan put together to set/achieve goals
I can't, I can't, I can't.....
I always have an excuse, and it generally end up being someone else's fault. For sure never mine...
what a hard behavior to change!!!!!!!
I can't go to the gym...too tired
I can't go to a group or outing - too many people
I can't go to work, I feel miserable
I can't get my finances sorted out
I can't get a plan put together to set/achieve goals
I can't, I can't, I can't.....
I always have an excuse, and it generally end up being someone else's fault. For sure never mine...
what a hard behavior to change!!!!!!!
Not again
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Central NY
Posts: 1,139
Practice, practice, practice
If you need proof that old habits can be change, but that it takes time and effort, try changing your signature or the way you answer the phone. These are easy simple things but will demonstrate that habits are hard to change. And the bigger more important they have become in our lives, the longer and more difficult the change will be. The question is how bad do you want it?
Larry
If you need proof that old habits can be change, but that it takes time and effort, try changing your signature or the way you answer the phone. These are easy simple things but will demonstrate that habits are hard to change. And the bigger more important they have become in our lives, the longer and more difficult the change will be. The question is how bad do you want it?
Larry
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Langley, BC
Posts: 1,007
how bad do I want it - good question.
guess until I want it bad enough to do the work it won't change.........
spend WAY too much time complaining about the past or how things are now, and nowhere NEAR enough time working to make sure those things aren't repeated....
guess until I want it bad enough to do the work it won't change.........
spend WAY too much time complaining about the past or how things are now, and nowhere NEAR enough time working to make sure those things aren't repeated....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,064
I have to motivate myself. Like I look at photos of really sleek slim athletic people and I want that for myself. I look at the end goal and then write out the steps I need to take to reach that goal. If I don't have a clue what steps to take I guess which isn't very scientific. And I don't want to do a great many things I admit but when I force myself to do things I am not excited about doing or feel it's boring I usually find something rewarding about it after I do it, and I feel better.
Yesterday I was exhausted but I made myself rake the yard. I feel better, the sleepy tired feeling went away.
Sometimes it gets down to forcing yourself or finding your muse as in what motivates you to reach out and do something or make a change.
Start thinking I can do it I can I can I can. And YOU CAN, it's just a change in attitude.
Yesterday I was exhausted but I made myself rake the yard. I feel better, the sleepy tired feeling went away.
Sometimes it gets down to forcing yourself or finding your muse as in what motivates you to reach out and do something or make a change.
Start thinking I can do it I can I can I can. And YOU CAN, it's just a change in attitude.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Krista))) - becoming aware of how often you're saying "I can't" is a good start. I'm the queen of procrastination, and don't say "I can't" as much as "I don't want to"
However, like ((Larry)) and ((Med)) said, it takes time and effort, AND sometimes you just have to make yourself.
We can't change all our behaviors at one time. Try starting off doing ONE thing you say "I can't" a day, or something like that. I've gotten hooked on FLYlady and she emphasizes doing something for just 15 minutes. Of course, she's usually talking about cleaning/de-cluttering, but it works for anything. Even TWO minutes...tell yourself "I can do ---- for 2 minutes (or 15 min)"..even sitting down and writing out a plan.
I didn't really think it would work. I have to tell myself, at work, all the time "I can do ANYTHING for 8 hours", but sometimes I have to just talk myself through 15 minutes at a time, or one customer at a time.
They say to get rid of bad habit, it's easier to start a new, good one and it takes, something like 3-4 weeks of doing it before it becomes a habit. I've been working on changing MY negative thinking for a while, but...like you, once we notice it, we can change what we're telling ourself.
Don't know if any of this makes sense...I think my brain has been a bit overloaded today, and may be on "low function" status
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
However, like ((Larry)) and ((Med)) said, it takes time and effort, AND sometimes you just have to make yourself.We can't change all our behaviors at one time. Try starting off doing ONE thing you say "I can't" a day, or something like that. I've gotten hooked on FLYlady and she emphasizes doing something for just 15 minutes. Of course, she's usually talking about cleaning/de-cluttering, but it works for anything. Even TWO minutes...tell yourself "I can do ---- for 2 minutes (or 15 min)"..even sitting down and writing out a plan.
I didn't really think it would work. I have to tell myself, at work, all the time "I can do ANYTHING for 8 hours", but sometimes I have to just talk myself through 15 minutes at a time, or one customer at a time.
They say to get rid of bad habit, it's easier to start a new, good one and it takes, something like 3-4 weeks of doing it before it becomes a habit. I've been working on changing MY negative thinking for a while, but...like you, once we notice it, we can change what we're telling ourself.
Don't know if any of this makes sense...I think my brain has been a bit overloaded today, and may be on "low function" status
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Langley, BC
Posts: 1,007
Med - motivation is such an issue with me, you're right! I need something to keep my eye on the prize...for whatever prize it is I'm wanting, and I'm never quite sure lol
Amy - that's actually not a bad idea, doing something for shorter periods of time at first........I'd be happy with sticking to focusing on the DAY rather than the bigger picture which I think is what makes me lose any ambition I may have mustered up in the first place....gotta change that. (slaps own hand)
Larry - I love your last post. I'm going to print it and stick it on my fridge
Amy - that's actually not a bad idea, doing something for shorter periods of time at first........I'd be happy with sticking to focusing on the DAY rather than the bigger picture which I think is what makes me lose any ambition I may have mustered up in the first place....gotta change that. (slaps own hand)
Larry - I love your last post. I'm going to print it and stick it on my fridge
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Krista))) - if I'd let myself focus on "forever", I'd never be where I am. I know the "one day at a time" thing is attributed to AA, but I've found it works in ALL areas of my life.
I think, when I go to work today, it's going to be more of a "I can get through the next 15 minutes" thing, but that's okay. Those 15 minutes will add up to 8 hours, by the end of the night!
(((Larry))) - I love your last post, too
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I think, when I go to work today, it's going to be more of a "I can get through the next 15 minutes" thing, but that's okay. Those 15 minutes will add up to 8 hours, by the end of the night!
(((Larry))) - I love your last post, too
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Stopping the Train...
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Sevierville, TN - in the valley of the Great Smoky Mountains
Posts: 978
Good thread! Great suggestions!
It's easy to get stuck in f-cked. It's a comfort zone to be miserable for me. I created misery for 35 yrs in my using...and much in recovery because I didn't know any other way to go through life. Focusing on the negatives.
My last sponsor told me that when I get stuck in negative there is always a positive side to it. So I began to look for what the positive was and most of the time I was successful...when I applied that tool. I knew if I didn't then staying stuck in that negativity would send me straight back to trying to make myself feel better...or go numb. It took me a long time to practice that, but as with any practice...it gets easy to apply the more its done.
It's easy to get stuck in f-cked. It's a comfort zone to be miserable for me. I created misery for 35 yrs in my using...and much in recovery because I didn't know any other way to go through life. Focusing on the negatives.
My last sponsor told me that when I get stuck in negative there is always a positive side to it. So I began to look for what the positive was and most of the time I was successful...when I applied that tool. I knew if I didn't then staying stuck in that negativity would send me straight back to trying to make myself feel better...or go numb. It took me a long time to practice that, but as with any practice...it gets easy to apply the more its done.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Whisker))) - my mom always told me the same thing...there is SOMETHING positive in every situation...you just have to look for it. I'm grateful she instilled that into my head, at a very young age...it's pretty automatic, for me, to look for the positives.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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