This is me today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 19
This is me today.
Quit 4 days ago.
It's sinking in I will never drink again.
I have a family-A wife that loves me, 2 kids.
This has been progressing for 24 years. I've "managed(hid)" the crises, at great personal cost, until now. I just know it's all gonna come apart if I "just have 2 beers" It's never been th 2 beers that gets me. It's the half gallon.
I don't know why. I am powerless over alcohol.
It's sinking in I will never drink again.
I have a family-A wife that loves me, 2 kids.
This has been progressing for 24 years. I've "managed(hid)" the crises, at great personal cost, until now. I just know it's all gonna come apart if I "just have 2 beers" It's never been th 2 beers that gets me. It's the half gallon.
I don't know why. I am powerless over alcohol.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I figure....it's the first drink that gets me drunk
so I don't have it Seems silly....but stop and
think about it.
Once I drink that one drink...I too am powerless.
Glad to know you are seeking a better sober future.
4 days is a good start.
Welcome to our recovery community...
so I don't have it Seems silly....but stop and
think about it.
Once I drink that one drink...I too am powerless.
Glad to know you are seeking a better sober future.
4 days is a good start.
Welcome to our recovery community...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Welcome to SR.
Tulsa is a fun city. Lots of good lakes around also for fishing, watching the sun rise and enjoying life sober.
You sound like me, the first sip leads to a fullblown slip, then the loss of a few years looking through the bottom of a beer glass at a world distorted by too much booze floating around in our brains. It's that first sip that gets me, and maybe you too.
Glad you're here!! The support really helps alot. Stop by often and take a chair. Life is so much better not being hungover.
Tulsa is a fun city. Lots of good lakes around also for fishing, watching the sun rise and enjoying life sober.
You sound like me, the first sip leads to a fullblown slip, then the loss of a few years looking through the bottom of a beer glass at a world distorted by too much booze floating around in our brains. It's that first sip that gets me, and maybe you too.
Glad you're here!! The support really helps alot. Stop by often and take a chair. Life is so much better not being hungover.
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Welcome 3Rivers:
My friend RG went into detox for four days and came home. He made it 32 days and started drinking again. I saw him yesterday. He's vowing to start over. He didn't drink today and is suppose to go stay with a friend for a month.
Stay strong and fight the desire to drink. You can do this thing. You have the will power and need to stay sober. Stick with it.
TOD
My friend RG went into detox for four days and came home. He made it 32 days and started drinking again. I saw him yesterday. He's vowing to start over. He didn't drink today and is suppose to go stay with a friend for a month.
Stay strong and fight the desire to drink. You can do this thing. You have the will power and need to stay sober. Stick with it.
TOD
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 19
Thanks all
By the way, did not intend to mislead anyone. I just registered and did not put accurate information in the personal fields. I was rushing through the sign up and have since updated everything.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
As an alcoholic myself then the only drink that I have to avoid is the first one!! If I never take the first drink then I ain't got nothing to worry about. The first one is the real killer.
What really helped me was to make sure I pledged to stay sober 'just for today'. Today is the only day we have anyway so don't take that first drink under any circumstances and you won't go too far wrong. Then you can work on the real reasons why you're drinking to such dangerous levels. On the face of it it's often simply because I like it, but it often goes much deeper than that once you truly get working at it.
I used and continue to use AA, SR + much wisdom from elsewhere. As well as the community mental health team on the NHS. It's a daily work in progress.
All The best
What really helped me was to make sure I pledged to stay sober 'just for today'. Today is the only day we have anyway so don't take that first drink under any circumstances and you won't go too far wrong. Then you can work on the real reasons why you're drinking to such dangerous levels. On the face of it it's often simply because I like it, but it often goes much deeper than that once you truly get working at it.
I used and continue to use AA, SR + much wisdom from elsewhere. As well as the community mental health team on the NHS. It's a daily work in progress.
All The best
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Paris! (that would be nice)
Posts: 20
Hi 3Rivers
Nice to meet you. I'm on Day 3. I too have definitely come view it as a cold hard fact ... there never ever will be a day when I can have one or two drinks. It's either nothing or I'm drunk.
About two months ago I started to test myself ... giving a good honest effort to try and just drink one or two. The reason why I started to do this was because my drink of choice, red wine, was really starting to tear my stomach up and give me wicked hangovers ... to the point where I was very reluctantly taking my first sip (but still doing it anyway).
The more I realized I couldn't do it the more pissed of at myself I was getting ... and I finally gave up trying ... and switched to vodka because I could mix it and it was easier on my stomach - also I read somewhere it doesn't give you as much of a hangover. I bought my first bottle of vodka (in many years) over a week ago and it took me 5 days to finish it. My husband was away over the weekend and I bought another bottle Friday night ... it was gone Saturday morning. That sufficiently scared the sh*t out of me.
I've considered 'never drinking again' and it was so daunting that I would obsess more about that than anything else. Thinking ahead to every situation I would encounter where I would be tempted and what would I do? Feeling loss and worry, worry. This time around I am reveling in the fact that I didn't drink yesterday and only looking ahead to later in the day - 7pm when I get off work is the witching hour for me ... and setting up something different than coming home and sitting out on the back deck with a drink. I'm finding it a lot less stressful than 'forever.'
What I'm finding on this forum is that I can find at least a few people here that have experienced the same exact things that I have - what I did, what I thought, how I reacted, the stupid lies I've told myself, how I'm feeling now, etc. What that is doing for me is preventing any kind of "I'm different" syndrome, it's preventing me from being able to tell more lies to myself. Priceless!
Thanks for sharing! -d
Nice to meet you. I'm on Day 3. I too have definitely come view it as a cold hard fact ... there never ever will be a day when I can have one or two drinks. It's either nothing or I'm drunk.
About two months ago I started to test myself ... giving a good honest effort to try and just drink one or two. The reason why I started to do this was because my drink of choice, red wine, was really starting to tear my stomach up and give me wicked hangovers ... to the point where I was very reluctantly taking my first sip (but still doing it anyway).
The more I realized I couldn't do it the more pissed of at myself I was getting ... and I finally gave up trying ... and switched to vodka because I could mix it and it was easier on my stomach - also I read somewhere it doesn't give you as much of a hangover. I bought my first bottle of vodka (in many years) over a week ago and it took me 5 days to finish it. My husband was away over the weekend and I bought another bottle Friday night ... it was gone Saturday morning. That sufficiently scared the sh*t out of me.
I've considered 'never drinking again' and it was so daunting that I would obsess more about that than anything else. Thinking ahead to every situation I would encounter where I would be tempted and what would I do? Feeling loss and worry, worry. This time around I am reveling in the fact that I didn't drink yesterday and only looking ahead to later in the day - 7pm when I get off work is the witching hour for me ... and setting up something different than coming home and sitting out on the back deck with a drink. I'm finding it a lot less stressful than 'forever.'
What I'm finding on this forum is that I can find at least a few people here that have experienced the same exact things that I have - what I did, what I thought, how I reacted, the stupid lies I've told myself, how I'm feeling now, etc. What that is doing for me is preventing any kind of "I'm different" syndrome, it's preventing me from being able to tell more lies to myself. Priceless!
Thanks for sharing! -d
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 19
Another day
It's either nothing or I'm drunk.
I realized this morning I have become so ingrained at hiding. In personal encounters I come away feeling I never got across what I meant to convey. Even when I want to be honest my whole nature has become about hiding. It's the honesty with myself that's enough to drive you to drink.
Today, I'll take the painful truth.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Chantilly, VA
Posts: 216
I was kind of like EmbraceChange when she mentioned "testing herself" :-) My wife has almost died 3 times in 10 years and spent almost 2 years in a wheel chair paralyzed from the waist down due to a doctors stupid mistake (she can walk now but is handicapped). So, I had to spend most of my days working to pay bills and taking care of my wife. So... When I had my "quiet time" around 10:00 at night, I would make tick marks on a post-it note for every shot of vodka that I had. I caught myself after 4-5 shots forgetting to make the tick marks, losing count, or, most embarrassing to me personally, was the next morning, seeing 7-8 tick marks with the last one just running off the page onto my desk. I'd check the previously full vodka bottle and it would be well over half empty. It's amazing I survived those days! I mentioned ealier on this site, I was several month sober but in April in a week timespan, I got laid off and my wife broke her hip and spent 3 weeks in a hospital with near fatal complications; that's my big trigger, her being in a hospital is/was my excuse to just get blasted in the evening feeling sorry for her and myself, even tho I _Proved_ to myself that I could NOT moderate my own drinking, as others have said here, it was all or nothing! So, I am back at it (not drinking), some tough days but some great people here!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 19
That brings something up, BChrome, that I'm trying to shore myself up and be ready to face: TRIGGERS. I know at least partly what mine are and I sure haven't faced any yet. Thanks for your post, I'm trying not to be overwhelmed and starting to rationalize all this a little bit. I can see the wreck, I know it's gonna hurt, then I just head right for it. I guess, like I keep seeing here, I just won't have the wreck today. Thank you all.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi 3Rivers
Triggers can be difficult - I found I reacted instinctively more than anything - there was often not a lot of conscious thought going on. It's good to remember that.
We can train ourselves to be ready, be in peak condition if you like, so that if we do meet triggers, we can negotiate our way through them without drinking.
I've found it useful to try and learn how to deliberately remove myself from a situation, either mentally or physically, take a breath or two, and learn to think rather than react.
D
Triggers can be difficult - I found I reacted instinctively more than anything - there was often not a lot of conscious thought going on. It's good to remember that.
We can train ourselves to be ready, be in peak condition if you like, so that if we do meet triggers, we can negotiate our way through them without drinking.
I've found it useful to try and learn how to deliberately remove myself from a situation, either mentally or physically, take a breath or two, and learn to think rather than react.
D
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi 3Rivers - welcome to the forum. I can relate to so many things you said. I remember all the hiding, trying to get things into the house, stashing bottles and cans all sorts of places, making excuses for why I was so "tired" in the morning, etc. etc..... So much work!
When I first came here I didn't know if I could quit (I'm sure a part of me didn't want to). But after almost 5 months, I just encourage you to get through the first few days/weeks - you'll see that you can reclaim your life too!! Glad you're here!
When I first came here I didn't know if I could quit (I'm sure a part of me didn't want to). But after almost 5 months, I just encourage you to get through the first few days/weeks - you'll see that you can reclaim your life too!! Glad you're here!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Lomita, California
Posts: 200
Welcome to SR, 3 rivers. A lot of good advice so far. I am blessed that I found this Forum on my latest Day 1.
I can totally relate to try and hide it all. I was almost 3 years sober, went to a family get together, decided it would be OK to have some wine with dinner. Just a glass or two. After coming home, I didn't have any cravings. But, a few weeks later, my alcoholic mind said, "see, that was OK, let's have another" For some stupid reason, I bought a bottle of rum. It lasted one week, the second bottle didn't. But, I had to hide it or my friends and my boss would get really T'd off at me. I wasn't fooling any of them, I was fooling myself. And I still find empties all over.
Wound up in the ER on Sept. 1 after a dizzy spell, when I fell down and hit my head HARD on the floor. My BAC was .23%. But I felt normal, just drinking to maintain. Decided enough was enough. Got some medical help and a few pills (detox was awful) and now I'm 20 days sober, one day at a time. You CAN do it.
I can totally relate to try and hide it all. I was almost 3 years sober, went to a family get together, decided it would be OK to have some wine with dinner. Just a glass or two. After coming home, I didn't have any cravings. But, a few weeks later, my alcoholic mind said, "see, that was OK, let's have another" For some stupid reason, I bought a bottle of rum. It lasted one week, the second bottle didn't. But, I had to hide it or my friends and my boss would get really T'd off at me. I wasn't fooling any of them, I was fooling myself. And I still find empties all over.
Wound up in the ER on Sept. 1 after a dizzy spell, when I fell down and hit my head HARD on the floor. My BAC was .23%. But I felt normal, just drinking to maintain. Decided enough was enough. Got some medical help and a few pills (detox was awful) and now I'm 20 days sober, one day at a time. You CAN do it.
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