CarolD

*~*~*~*~*^Daily Reflections^*~*~*~*~*

H.P. AS GUIDE

See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 164

Having a right relationship with God seemed to be an impossible order. My chaotic past had left me filled with guilt and remorse and I wondered how this "God business" could work. A.A. told me that I must turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him. With nowhere else to turn, I went down on my knees and cried, "God, I can't do this. Please help me!" It was when I admitted my powerlessness that a glimmer of light began to touch my soul, and then a willingness emerged to let God control my life. With Him as my guide, great events began to happen, and I found the beginning of sobriety.

Copyright 1990 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS WORLD SERVICES, INC.

DayTrader

I thought I'd share a mistake I commonly make - just in case anyone else is doing it and can't figure out why their life feels so crumby.

Ya see, I'd read a statement like the one in D.R. above and it'd make sense. Then.....in my keen alcoholic mind ( ) I'd do myself the disservice of looking at it almost backwards:

If great events are coming to pass for you (me), then your relationship with Him must be right. --naturally to me, I'd then think: If great events are NOT coming to pass, then your relationship with Him must be wrong. Obviously, I'd leave out any component of "in God's time" and I'd only work with what was happening whilst using my time-clock. I'd also "assume" I'm a good judge of that's "good" and what's not in the things that are coming to pass in my life.

.....always quantifying, always judging (especially myself), always assessing where I stand, rarely feeling satisfied with my answers and right back into some sort of maniacal "seeking God" mode using what I see happening in my life as the measure of whether I've found Him or not.

All this was just another form of me trying to manage my own life.....again - albeit under noble pretenses.

A lot of the time, "letting go and letting God" will have no immediately visible "payoff." But ya see, I'm an immediate gratification freak....so when I don't get something immediately, I want to completely change course and head off in some other direction looking for that payoff. This is not a life of faith in a Higher Power... it's just that same old bull**it train of "my will, my needs, my demands of life" once again.

I try to remind myself from time to time that sometimes.....sometimes the spiritual path can feel lonely and sometimes the fruits of my labors will go unnoticed by me for many days/weeks/months/even years. That said, if I really want to demonstrate my faithfulness, I'll stay on that path and practice acceptance and patience.