why can't i get motivated?
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
why can't i get motivated?
My AH has been gone a little over a week. Why can't I get motivated to do anything. I'm fortuneate right now my daughter is working and my son is out with his friends. I wrote down a list of things I wanted to get done. I have to motivation at all to do any of them. Why can't I get off this darn computer and get something done. I know when I'm done I'll feel better but how do I get motivated????!!!??? uuuugggghhhhh
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
J M H O but probably because you are starting the 'grieving' process, and don't kid yourself, there is one.
Maybe, make yourself a GRATITUDE LIST. I always find that a great motivator, that way tomorrow when you make a NEW Gratitude List you will have a chore or two to add that you completed. And each day when you make a NEW Gratitude List you will be able to add another job or two accomplished.
I know that worked for me, maybe it can help you also.
Love and hugs,
Maybe, make yourself a GRATITUDE LIST. I always find that a great motivator, that way tomorrow when you make a NEW Gratitude List you will have a chore or two to add that you completed. And each day when you make a NEW Gratitude List you will be able to add another job or two accomplished.
I know that worked for me, maybe it can help you also.
Love and hugs,
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
exhausted, taking stock, after the whirlwind: a pause.
I have never found coming on here a waste of time, it bolsters me, my inner resolve, my strength and my belief in the wonderfulness of human beings.
when I am overwhelmed with the tasks ahead I split them according to Moscow rules
M: must (legal, financial and physical steps I need to take to protect myself and my children, TIME FOR MYSELF)
S: should (feeding the children - they're 15, they could get dinner, going to work - 1 sick day if needed is needed)
C: Could
W: Won't (housework mainly in my case
)
as laurie says acknowledge every little thing that you do in a gratitude list each day, got out of bed? an achievement, spent 5 mins not worrying? another achievement.
I have never found coming on here a waste of time, it bolsters me, my inner resolve, my strength and my belief in the wonderfulness of human beings.
when I am overwhelmed with the tasks ahead I split them according to Moscow rules
M: must (legal, financial and physical steps I need to take to protect myself and my children, TIME FOR MYSELF)
S: should (feeding the children - they're 15, they could get dinner, going to work - 1 sick day if needed is needed)
C: Could
W: Won't (housework mainly in my case
)as laurie says acknowledge every little thing that you do in a gratitude list each day, got out of bed? an achievement, spent 5 mins not worrying? another achievement.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
A Pause That Refreshes, yes, you do need it.
One small step at a time, that's all you will accomplish at this time. It's ok, don't be hard on yourself. Grieve, then move forward like the speed of light.
One small step at a time, that's all you will accomplish at this time. It's ok, don't be hard on yourself. Grieve, then move forward like the speed of light.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Focusing on just cleaning the bathroom always gets me jumpstarted. Try to start with just one little thing. And check in with yourself to make sure you are not Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
I'm in your shoes. Lost my relationship and my job all in 4 weeks so I feel like a 400 lb weight is on my back.
I just force myself.
I didn't do ANY housework for 2 1/2 weeks after the break up, I barely ate. I didn't buy food until yesterday and didn't even do laundry for 4 weeks.
My house was a mess and I am a clean freak!
And I also let my pool turn green 4 weeks ago because I just could not get out there to clean it.
Today I woke up to the sun and though I didn't feel like doing the yard work, I did it.
I closed the garden, the pool and put all my lawn stuff away
Now I need to motivate myself to make something to eat.
It's a chore, but life goes on.
I just force myself.
I didn't do ANY housework for 2 1/2 weeks after the break up, I barely ate. I didn't buy food until yesterday and didn't even do laundry for 4 weeks.
My house was a mess and I am a clean freak!
And I also let my pool turn green 4 weeks ago because I just could not get out there to clean it.
Today I woke up to the sun and though I didn't feel like doing the yard work, I did it.
I closed the garden, the pool and put all my lawn stuff away
Now I need to motivate myself to make something to eat.
It's a chore, but life goes on.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
Thank you for your responses. I'm not being too hard on myself because of him. I'm being hard on myself for at this moment doing everyday things. It's a beautiful day out but here I sit in my room on my computer.
It's probably what I need to do though. Since it has been very hectic the last few months, years whatever, I really have not paused for a second.
And tonight for supper kids are on their own. They can make whatever they want for themselves. I'm goiing to make and egg and toast for supper. lol But that's what I want and there's food in the fridge.
I also have obsessive thoughts. It makes me crazy. I told my daughter when I start to get obsessive to say the word "orange". This way she's telling me I'm being obsessive and she's not telling me I"m annoying which does hurt me. Plus I get a laugh out of her. lol
So it is okay to take a break. Tomorrow is a new day. I'm the type of person that wants everything done yesterday. lol But I do have to remember the important things first. Eat, sleep, check on kids,work. Everything else can come second.
Thank you all again. It kind of feels like I'm grieving too. The loss of an old life. Life riddles with stess and lies, etc. But I can look forward to the new. A new life with me and the kids. A new place to live. I think it's good that I have something to look forward to despite the seperation and bankruptcy. I should be obsessed with a new place to live. Starting to. I'm not obsessed with the bankruptcy anymore. It is what it is and a whole new financial life to start over. Bills will be one less worry that I have.
I guess I'm a rambler. lol sorry guys. I may not be motivated to do much of anything but I think being on this site helps me tremendously and makes me feel better about how I feel. It's way better than just laying here sleeping.
Okay to keep reading.
It's probably what I need to do though. Since it has been very hectic the last few months, years whatever, I really have not paused for a second.
And tonight for supper kids are on their own. They can make whatever they want for themselves. I'm goiing to make and egg and toast for supper. lol But that's what I want and there's food in the fridge.
I also have obsessive thoughts. It makes me crazy. I told my daughter when I start to get obsessive to say the word "orange". This way she's telling me I'm being obsessive and she's not telling me I"m annoying which does hurt me. Plus I get a laugh out of her. lol
So it is okay to take a break. Tomorrow is a new day. I'm the type of person that wants everything done yesterday. lol But I do have to remember the important things first. Eat, sleep, check on kids,work. Everything else can come second.
Thank you all again. It kind of feels like I'm grieving too. The loss of an old life. Life riddles with stess and lies, etc. But I can look forward to the new. A new life with me and the kids. A new place to live. I think it's good that I have something to look forward to despite the seperation and bankruptcy. I should be obsessed with a new place to live. Starting to. I'm not obsessed with the bankruptcy anymore. It is what it is and a whole new financial life to start over. Bills will be one less worry that I have.
I guess I'm a rambler. lol sorry guys. I may not be motivated to do much of anything but I think being on this site helps me tremendously and makes me feel better about how I feel. It's way better than just laying here sleeping.
Okay to keep reading.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
Summerpeach,
I feel ya! He's only been gone a week, retained my attorney for bankruptcy but my laundry is caught up and my kitchen is clean. More than what it was when he was here. lol And my bedroom is clean. And I like being in here. What a change. I do have to food shop so I think tonight my chore will be cut coupons and make a list so I can go to the food store tomorrow. I'm even looking forward to that. Food shopping. sick I know.
I also have to remember to eat. I'm not hungry so I don't eat. Not a good way to lose weight even though I couldl use to lose a few.
Good luck with you and am glad to hear now you are able to do some things.
I feel ya! He's only been gone a week, retained my attorney for bankruptcy but my laundry is caught up and my kitchen is clean. More than what it was when he was here. lol And my bedroom is clean. And I like being in here. What a change. I do have to food shop so I think tonight my chore will be cut coupons and make a list so I can go to the food store tomorrow. I'm even looking forward to that. Food shopping. sick I know.
I also have to remember to eat. I'm not hungry so I don't eat. Not a good way to lose weight even though I couldl use to lose a few.
Good luck with you and am glad to hear now you are able to do some things.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
I guess I do have to do something. My daughter, I know she is capable, but she asked if I could make her mac and cheese. I am going to do that. It's not like I have to make stuffed shells and meatballs and homeade sauce. Maybe once I do that I'll feel like doing something else.
I think I do sound optimistic about my future but really, really scared about actually putting the for sale sign up. But if I want to go forward and be happy I'm going to have to do it.
Thank you
(before i hit the post quick reply button a thought just popped into my mind. why didn't he text me? But i know the answer and i have to remember not to text him. This is the hardest part. I just have to move forward)
I think I do sound optimistic about my future but really, really scared about actually putting the for sale sign up. But if I want to go forward and be happy I'm going to have to do it.
Thank you
(before i hit the post quick reply button a thought just popped into my mind. why didn't he text me? But i know the answer and i have to remember not to text him. This is the hardest part. I just have to move forward)
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Nothing wrong with taking it easy. I'm "being lazy" today too. Just taking care of the basics, relaxing, goofing off on the internet, took a two-hour or so nap earlier. Don't beat yourself up about taking it easy on yourself. :ghug3
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Posts: 311
I made my daughter her mac n cheese. then went down to "his" smelly basement to get cable box and bring it to kitchen. he's not using it cuz he's not living here. anyway, had to text him cuz water all over carpet. didn't know where it came from. so because i texted him about where water came from and how to fix it I feel uselss now cuz I couldn't figure it out myself. He answered to help me but I wish I could've figure it out myself. Now just on couch and want to go to sleep. Maybe I need to sleep. maybe it's finally all catching up to me.
besides texting him about the water thing i didn't text about anything else so i guess that's good.
besides texting him about the water thing i didn't text about anything else so i guess that's good.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
thank you.
i guess a good word is discouraged. and it also is a different kind of feeling than if he was here. I know my feelings aren't going to change overnight and my daughter's depression is not going lift overnight either. Tonight actually she is in the kitchen making cookies. yayyyyyyy. she is out of her room. i think for her it is a big step. she never came out of her room when my AH was living here. now she is aggravated cuz her new laptop is acting up. oh well, i guess the laptop issue is typical teenager crap. but at least she is out of her room.
it will take all three of us time to get better. today just so happens to be a bad day for me. Tomorrow i will try and get out of my funk. it will be a new day. I have to remember I have a home, kids, job. He has nothing. And it's not my fault at all.
i guess a good word is discouraged. and it also is a different kind of feeling than if he was here. I know my feelings aren't going to change overnight and my daughter's depression is not going lift overnight either. Tonight actually she is in the kitchen making cookies. yayyyyyyy. she is out of her room. i think for her it is a big step. she never came out of her room when my AH was living here. now she is aggravated cuz her new laptop is acting up. oh well, i guess the laptop issue is typical teenager crap. but at least she is out of her room.
it will take all three of us time to get better. today just so happens to be a bad day for me. Tomorrow i will try and get out of my funk. it will be a new day. I have to remember I have a home, kids, job. He has nothing. And it's not my fault at all.
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