Who is like this?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
Who is like this?
OK, my BD is over and now I am depressed and angry at my AH. I will be repeating myself but this really gets to me. How does someone ignore you and your BD when it is right under your nose? He used to make such a big deal about it and put on his best behavior! so I don't buy that he just forgot - the man knows my whereabouts and what I am doing all day long and stays way below the radar.
I am not just angry about the BD, he is a tit for tat kind of person - I gave him one on his BD so I expected he would be giving me one too. So I don't buy that he forgot - this was on purpose - he is quick to send a check monthly to maintain his toys when I call so lack of awareness is not his excuse.
He is just being plain hurtful as always. I have been good about not saying anything bad about him - he is my husband and someone I love - but I am re thinking that one. I want to call him out for this but I know I will not like whatever he says and feel worse so unfortunate for anyone who reads this - but I am letting it out here.
I am not just angry about the BD, he is a tit for tat kind of person - I gave him one on his BD so I expected he would be giving me one too. So I don't buy that he forgot - this was on purpose - he is quick to send a check monthly to maintain his toys when I call so lack of awareness is not his excuse.
He is just being plain hurtful as always. I have been good about not saying anything bad about him - he is my husband and someone I love - but I am re thinking that one. I want to call him out for this but I know I will not like whatever he says and feel worse so unfortunate for anyone who reads this - but I am letting it out here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Something I FINALLY learnt from being with a very active alcoholic.....
My expectations actually mean diddly squat.
Just cause I did it for him, doesn't mean he will do the same for me.
The bitch bottle comes first.
Expect nothing, but prepare for anything.
Whether he meant to hurt you or not, he can't do so unless you let him.....and right now he is having a field day with your head.
He didn't get you a BD, yep it hurts.....but is it really worth letting him stuff up a few more days of your life.....
He isn't feeling your anger or hurt, he is feeling no pain.
You on the other hand are like a penny bunger cracker, and about to explode like one.
You are the one hurting, feeling miserable and angry.
It is only a birthday, and there will be many more to come, God willing, and all of them have surprises in store for you to enjoy.
Let this one go, and get yourself back to where you are in control of your head, not his actions or non actions.
So have a belated Happy Birthday.
God bless
My expectations actually mean diddly squat.
Just cause I did it for him, doesn't mean he will do the same for me.
The bitch bottle comes first.
Expect nothing, but prepare for anything.
Whether he meant to hurt you or not, he can't do so unless you let him.....and right now he is having a field day with your head.
He didn't get you a BD, yep it hurts.....but is it really worth letting him stuff up a few more days of your life.....
He isn't feeling your anger or hurt, he is feeling no pain.
You on the other hand are like a penny bunger cracker, and about to explode like one.
You are the one hurting, feeling miserable and angry.
It is only a birthday, and there will be many more to come, God willing, and all of them have surprises in store for you to enjoy.
Let this one go, and get yourself back to where you are in control of your head, not his actions or non actions.
So have a belated Happy Birthday.
God bless
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
I'm w/ Jadmack on this too!
The best thing about AlAnon recovery for me was the work I had to do on my expectations. OMG I could write a book. I have been in your shoes, just fuming at my ExH for whatever infraction that had disappointed my expectations AGAIN!!!
The serenity prayer pretty much sums it up for me: courage to change the things I can.
I found I can control and change my expectations. I stopped leaving anything "expected" hanging out there as some test of someone else.
If I want something for my birthday I make it happen. If I want fun times and a party I call my trusted friends and I get fun times and a party! If I want a day of rest and relaxation and a huge pink cake then I schedule a day of rest and relaxation and I order a pink cake! If it is important to me that someone else do something for me for my birthday then I only ask a person whom I know will come through for me. The old codie me would have sat in a chair at home waiting for ExH to get the party started, and resentfully tallying up all his shortcomings. YUK!
Please treat yourself to something special and revel in it! You are worth it!
Peace and
7
Happy Belated Birthday!!
B.
The best thing about AlAnon recovery for me was the work I had to do on my expectations. OMG I could write a book. I have been in your shoes, just fuming at my ExH for whatever infraction that had disappointed my expectations AGAIN!!!
The serenity prayer pretty much sums it up for me: courage to change the things I can.
I found I can control and change my expectations. I stopped leaving anything "expected" hanging out there as some test of someone else.
If I want something for my birthday I make it happen. If I want fun times and a party I call my trusted friends and I get fun times and a party! If I want a day of rest and relaxation and a huge pink cake then I schedule a day of rest and relaxation and I order a pink cake! If it is important to me that someone else do something for me for my birthday then I only ask a person whom I know will come through for me. The old codie me would have sat in a chair at home waiting for ExH to get the party started, and resentfully tallying up all his shortcomings. YUK!
Please treat yourself to something special and revel in it! You are worth it!
Peace and
7Happy Belated Birthday!!
B.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
a coffee cup, or a bracelet -
something that
every time you use it
you connect with being in charge of your own happiness.
I did that when I got sober.
I bought a really nice (30$) coffee mug.
Get something that youre gonna use.
jus' sayin'
something that
every time you use it
you connect with being in charge of your own happiness.
I did that when I got sober.
I bought a really nice (30$) coffee mug.
Get something that youre gonna use.
jus' sayin'
to AH
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
