what`s the use ?
It`s ok to stay sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,903
what`s the use ?
what`s the use?
that was a question I asked myself as I drove home from the hospital a little while ago.My friend of 20 yrs,Bill S. is in there and may not come out alive.We have had our ups and downs and fusses and fights over these years,but there is a respect and love for each other in the midst of it all.I really cannot remember why we used to get so mad at each other,I just remember us getting mad.I used to sponsor him,and I got mad and "fired him".Several yrs later,we made up and I sponsored him again,this time he got mad at me and "fired" me.
Once he called me a S.O._B. in the middle of a meeting,so far the only time I have been called one,(yet) in a meeting.As I leaned over his bed and looked at him today,and he looked back at me with those blue eyes and tried to speak,and could not because his voice box had been removed yrs ago because of cancer,I realized he was in a bad place.To not be able to talk to your friends and loved ones in a time like this is horrible.He has been in the hospitals at least 2 dozen times with his heart and throat cancer over his sobriety.His wife left him,he has had trouble with his 2 children and so on.I have not had troubles like he has.Today he is still sober thru it all.
All I could do was offer love and service.You feel powerless during times like this.Now 2 things have become clearer to me,love and service are 2 great things.Whats the use in getting mad at each other anyway?What does it prove?
nothing as far as I can tell
that was a question I asked myself as I drove home from the hospital a little while ago.My friend of 20 yrs,Bill S. is in there and may not come out alive.We have had our ups and downs and fusses and fights over these years,but there is a respect and love for each other in the midst of it all.I really cannot remember why we used to get so mad at each other,I just remember us getting mad.I used to sponsor him,and I got mad and "fired him".Several yrs later,we made up and I sponsored him again,this time he got mad at me and "fired" me.
Once he called me a S.O._B. in the middle of a meeting,so far the only time I have been called one,(yet) in a meeting.As I leaned over his bed and looked at him today,and he looked back at me with those blue eyes and tried to speak,and could not because his voice box had been removed yrs ago because of cancer,I realized he was in a bad place.To not be able to talk to your friends and loved ones in a time like this is horrible.He has been in the hospitals at least 2 dozen times with his heart and throat cancer over his sobriety.His wife left him,he has had trouble with his 2 children and so on.I have not had troubles like he has.Today he is still sober thru it all.
All I could do was offer love and service.You feel powerless during times like this.Now 2 things have become clearer to me,love and service are 2 great things.Whats the use in getting mad at each other anyway?What does it prove?
nothing as far as I can tell
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Thanks for reminding me to keep things in proper perspective.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend and I'm sorry for the grief you feel.
Something I heard one of my heroes say when he was asked by a friend of mine if there was anything she could do to help him when after found out his daughter was murdered: "I still love God." "Ya know (he said), she wasn't really mine to begin with, she was God's kid all along and He just had her spend some time here with my family."
I don't know if that helps....but it really meant something to me.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend and I'm sorry for the grief you feel.
Something I heard one of my heroes say when he was asked by a friend of mine if there was anything she could do to help him when after found out his daughter was murdered: "I still love God." "Ya know (he said), she wasn't really mine to begin with, she was God's kid all along and He just had her spend some time here with my family."
I don't know if that helps....but it really meant something to me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
In my book ..your not passionate enough if you havent been called something in a meeting..lol..
Im sorry for your pals distress my friend.......i have close pals in recovery.
some were there when i took my last drink.....that bond is something powerful for sure....bounded together by a common solution i guess...
i spent some time with a guy last year......his wife died suddenly.....watching his pain and torment tore lots of us up..
he was a few years sober and already had embraced god.......that faith got him through and he remains sober....it humbles me to watch this guy lean on his god and continue to work with newcomers.
as for the fighting.....AA is full of drunks and there will be fights long after im 6 foot under....
Im sorry for your pals distress my friend.......i have close pals in recovery.
some were there when i took my last drink.....that bond is something powerful for sure....bounded together by a common solution i guess...
i spent some time with a guy last year......his wife died suddenly.....watching his pain and torment tore lots of us up..
he was a few years sober and already had embraced god.......that faith got him through and he remains sober....it humbles me to watch this guy lean on his god and continue to work with newcomers.
as for the fighting.....AA is full of drunks and there will be fights long after im 6 foot under....
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'm sorry about your friend, but glad you can be there for him.
We all get upset with each other from time to time, but the important thing is letting it go, not holding onto it and nurturing it.
Peace to you both.
We all get upset with each other from time to time, but the important thing is letting it go, not holding onto it and nurturing it.
Peace to you both.
It`s ok to stay sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,903
Bill is at peace with everyone,including his ex wife.He has refused any further medical treatments and he is ready to go.Yesterday they started a morphine drip that will put him to sleep and his system will slowly shut down in a day or two.
His daughter told me of a experience they had as a family in his room yesterday.No doubt God was there right in the middle of the family,doing some healing.
I stopped by late this evening and sat with Bill while his daughter went outside for a few minutes.Bill was sleeping.
There was such a sense of peace in the room as I have never felt in a hospital room.
A friend told me yesterday God gives Grace to those who pray and believe when their time comes,if that is the case,there is plenty of it in Bill`s room.
makes me believe even more....
His daughter told me of a experience they had as a family in his room yesterday.No doubt God was there right in the middle of the family,doing some healing.
I stopped by late this evening and sat with Bill while his daughter went outside for a few minutes.Bill was sleeping.
There was such a sense of peace in the room as I have never felt in a hospital room.
A friend told me yesterday God gives Grace to those who pray and believe when their time comes,if that is the case,there is plenty of it in Bill`s room.
makes me believe even more....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
As I watched my friend Patrick(my sponsor for 31 years)prepare to die, I learned a couple things. Once again I learned to not regret the past but to shine a light on it and be grateful for it. Yes, I miss Pat, but even more than that, I'm grateful for him being a part of my life. I'm grateful that he's in a better place now. He's not hurting any more. I realized that in baring the weight of his cross in that last month, Pat was getting closer to God and he knew it. I learned how to die with grace and dignity, thanking God every day for the opportunity to start a new life with Him. Dieing is part of life and the best I have to hope for is that my family and friends are near, and in the end there are no regrets. Just love and gratitude, with no one looking for the right thing to say or do. Just be there. If there are words at that time I think they would be, "thank you for being a part of my life and it's ok to move on now."
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Lowell
Posts: 345
bballdad, sorry to hear about your friend. May God be with him and may he rest in peace. When my older sister passed and I had said to my sponsor that it is hard to lose someone you love, his reply to me was: "Where did you lose her?" He told me you never lose someone you love like you lose money or jewelry etc. They will always be in your heart. My sister was in a lot of pain and her passing away was actually better for her, for now she is in peace, without pain.
As someone else mentioned, we get mad because we are human. When I get mad at someone else I check to see what is wrong with me, for I know that there is something wrong with me. If I owe amends, I do it as soon as I can, sometimes it may not be done till the next day.
By the sounds of it though, your friend new you were there by his side and I'm sure it meant a lot to him. You were there for him sober, which is a blessing.
God be with you, I will keep you in my prayers.
Harry
As someone else mentioned, we get mad because we are human. When I get mad at someone else I check to see what is wrong with me, for I know that there is something wrong with me. If I owe amends, I do it as soon as I can, sometimes it may not be done till the next day.
By the sounds of it though, your friend new you were there by his side and I'm sure it meant a lot to him. You were there for him sober, which is a blessing.
God be with you, I will keep you in my prayers.
Harry
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
