FeelingLost

Anyone else have issues where a sibling was extremely threatened by your own recovery?

I put my brother in my God Jar today, sent him an email to apologize for where we are at, and came home from my meeting tonight to a hate-o-gram in my voice mail.

I honestly feel like I need to protect myself from my brother (ACOA like me) and my mother (my active A).

I'm doing good, haven't said any of the things I am actually thinking (like "how's it working for ya, hotshot?") and I really do feel quite numb. I guess I really am exactly where I need to be right now.

I know the crap is gonna hit the fan with my mother tomorrow, so my challenges aren't over yet. I am putting her in my God Jar tonight because I want my HP to get warmed up before tomorrow. LOL!!!

But the venom from my brother, while not new, is surprising me. As a fellow Al-Anon I expected him to say "welcome back" instead of react with rage and anger. Anyone else have an experience like this?

JT

Feeling Lost...how's this sound? Your brother is dilusional!!

You shared this in ACOA...it is unfortunate.

You know I just got knocked out of my socks myself with family BS...it is unavoidable and it hits so close to the heart. The only thing you can do is cut them out of your life but....geeze...I am sure I would still have feelings and such. I personally don't think we can run far enough from family...which leaves one thing. Acceptance...thay are who the are, right?? You don't have to participate in the drama.

Hugs,
JT

FeelingLost

JT, I'm not at acceptance yet. I want to insert a LOL in there, but I know I am not there. I may be numb and feeling cold, but this isn't acceptance. It's an OK place to be.

There is an inner voice that says if it was someone not related to me, I would just cut them out of my life like a cancer. But because the cancer is related to me I can't, don't or won't (not sure which it is, btw).

I guess I'm baffled at someone who is in recovery not wanting that for another person they are supposed to care about. "Strangers" hugged me and welcomed me back, so I will focus on that.

I'm grateful for the boards and everyone here, for Al-Anon, for my sanity, and for the flowers I bought myself today on behalf of my husband. I know I am going to be OK, and that feels GOOD!

Petunia

FL,

My rivalry with my sister is recovery based - I am seeking it - and she is not. So my situation is a bit different but I offer these thoughts nonetheless.

It is always surprising when those in our family of origin act like maniacs when it comes to change. Maybe you have been more successful at your recovery than your brother has been and your dropping out of you Al-Anon meetings gave him a sense of superiority. Now you are back in the saddle of working on your own recovery - and challenging (actively or passively) many of the situations that exist.

You are the only person that matters - biology or not. Your brother, like your mother is probably never going to give you permission to get healthy - because it changes you. And most of us (whether ACOA, codie, or something similar) who are working our program are changing - for the better. You included.

Celebrate your success today - and your flowers and your sanity.

Wishing you all the best today can bring,

Petunia