Introduction
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Ft. Lauderdale
Posts: 21
Introduction
Greetings, I'm Bunge.
Just wanted to introduce myself. Been checking out this site for a few days.
I'm an alcoholic. Really heavy drinking became a big problem in 2007 and 2008. I call those the 'dark years'.
Decided to slow down beginning 2009 and was successful in long stretches, 3 weeks, 2 weeks, 4 weeks but the binges were becoming worse and worse.
It caused me great confusion because I thought I was tackling the problem but then the stress and depression would knock me on my ass and I'd drink more than ever.
Finally went to rehab last summer and stayed sober for 11 1/2 months, didn't drink through some stressful times (2 months mom in hospital and eventually succumbing to cancer). Not a drop.
Then out of the blue, 4 weeks ago, my wife and kids were away and just like a zombie went to the liquor store, bought a bunch of booze and I believe almost killed myself I drank so much.
My kids won't talk to me and my wife's talking about leaving me. I'm confused because after a year sober, I thought they would understand a relapse.
Sober again for 2 weeks and was just looking for some online support. I live in a really small town and know I need to go to AA but haven't yet because I'm nervous about the exposure. I know I need to though no matter what.
That's my intro. Thanks for understanding and I hope to hang around a bit.
Bunge
Just wanted to introduce myself. Been checking out this site for a few days.
I'm an alcoholic. Really heavy drinking became a big problem in 2007 and 2008. I call those the 'dark years'.
Decided to slow down beginning 2009 and was successful in long stretches, 3 weeks, 2 weeks, 4 weeks but the binges were becoming worse and worse.
It caused me great confusion because I thought I was tackling the problem but then the stress and depression would knock me on my ass and I'd drink more than ever.
Finally went to rehab last summer and stayed sober for 11 1/2 months, didn't drink through some stressful times (2 months mom in hospital and eventually succumbing to cancer). Not a drop.
Then out of the blue, 4 weeks ago, my wife and kids were away and just like a zombie went to the liquor store, bought a bunch of booze and I believe almost killed myself I drank so much.
My kids won't talk to me and my wife's talking about leaving me. I'm confused because after a year sober, I thought they would understand a relapse.
Sober again for 2 weeks and was just looking for some online support. I live in a really small town and know I need to go to AA but haven't yet because I'm nervous about the exposure. I know I need to though no matter what.
That's my intro. Thanks for understanding and I hope to hang around a bit.
Bunge
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,413
Welcome Bunge. Glad to see you are getting back on track... try not to
beat yourself up to much about your slip up... the key is to learn from it and look forward to living the way you did for 11 1/2 months.
You will find great support and friendship on this forum... I hope you stick around and post often so I can be apart of your journey and you can be apart of mine.
Have a sober weekend.
beat yourself up to much about your slip up... the key is to learn from it and look forward to living the way you did for 11 1/2 months.
You will find great support and friendship on this forum... I hope you stick around and post often so I can be apart of your journey and you can be apart of mine.
Have a sober weekend.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Welcome Bungee! Sorry about the relapse...in the 11 1/2 months you were sober, What were you doing to stay sober...just curious:-) has your wife tried al anon? It might help her to understand...most people who do t have alcoholism just don't understand it...think ofhthe way it portrayed in popular culture.
Stay positive, you can get back on track:-)
Stay positive, you can get back on track:-)
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
Welcome to SR!
Well I'm coming up on nine months sober and I wouldn't understand if I relapsed after doing so well... so how could anyone else understand it? I'd just show them by hard work and staying sober that you mean it for good this time. But it will take time to win their trust back...
I'm confused because after a year sober, I thought they would understand a relapse.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi again Bunge
If you 'know you need to to no matter what' then I reckon... go
Do whatever you think you need to to stay sober.
I dunno about you, but for me it took more than simple abstinence - I had to look into that void within me I was trying to fill with booze.
D
If you 'know you need to to no matter what' then I reckon... go
Do whatever you think you need to to stay sober.
I dunno about you, but for me it took more than simple abstinence - I had to look into that void within me I was trying to fill with booze.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Ft. Lauderdale
Posts: 21
Thanks everyone.
It's hard when you feel the people you love and know love you just don't seem to get it. Especially hard with kids thinking, 'Dad said he was never going to drink again!'. It's almost like they expect that it's just easy.
Thanks again.
It's hard when you feel the people you love and know love you just don't seem to get it. Especially hard with kids thinking, 'Dad said he was never going to drink again!'. It's almost like they expect that it's just easy.
Thanks again.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: dayton, oh
Posts: 487
That's tough bunge. But I am glad your are back. I am coming up on eleven months and in the past have worried about being alone for weekends because I may get the idea I can take a vacation from sobriety. I just remember my life now is a vacation from the past hell and I want to keep it. I wish you well
SH
SH
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
My kids won't talk to me and my wife's talking about leaving me. I'm confused because after a year sober, I thought they would understand a relapse.
Sober again for 2 weeks and was just looking for some online support. I live in a really small town and know I need to go to AA but haven't yet because I'm nervous about the exposure. I know I need to though no matter what.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Bunge - welcome to the forum! You're not alone. A lot of us have picked up a drink after a period of sobriety. I relapsed twice after having several years of sobriety. I don't know why a drink seemed like an OK idea at the time. I guess I figured I could be more sensible about it, that somehow I wouldn't get caught in the vicious cycle again. I'm convinced now that it's not possible to control it once we open that door.
So glad you're here - like LaFemme said, try to look at this in a positive light. You didn't let it continue, and you know that you can do it after putting together almost a year of sobriety. Hope to see you around!
So glad you're here - like LaFemme said, try to look at this in a positive light. You didn't let it continue, and you know that you can do it after putting together almost a year of sobriety. Hope to see you around!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Bunge,
One of the characteristics of alcoholism is that we tend to relapse. UNLESS we find a way to live sober, so that we don't.
I agree with littlefish that "exposure" isn't a real risk in AA. You're far more likely to be "exposed" as a drunk if you drink, than as a recovering alcoholic in sobriety. The only people I've ever encountered in the rooms of AA that I knew from "outside" were those who were there for the same reason that I was. Anonymity is taken very seriously.
Your wife and kids might benefit from Al-Anon and Alateen, if they are at all interested. It isn't about keeping you sober, it's about them regaining their own serenity. Years of living with an alcoholic in the family can be a little crazy-making.
Glad you've joined us here.
One of the characteristics of alcoholism is that we tend to relapse. UNLESS we find a way to live sober, so that we don't.
I agree with littlefish that "exposure" isn't a real risk in AA. You're far more likely to be "exposed" as a drunk if you drink, than as a recovering alcoholic in sobriety. The only people I've ever encountered in the rooms of AA that I knew from "outside" were those who were there for the same reason that I was. Anonymity is taken very seriously.
Your wife and kids might benefit from Al-Anon and Alateen, if they are at all interested. It isn't about keeping you sober, it's about them regaining their own serenity. Years of living with an alcoholic in the family can be a little crazy-making.
Glad you've joined us here.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Between Serenity and Despair
Posts: 522
Bunge, I'm coming in late with your welcome.
As others have said, normies don't understand alcoholism. Since I've been sober, I've had people ask me why I couldn't just have one or two drinks now that I've "learned to control it." They don't understand that I'll never learn to control it. The only thing I can do is just not drink.
I've only very recently started to learn that I can be a lot happier if I learn about recovery and make some changes in my thinking. I do study the teachings of AA, but there are many other recovery programs out there.
Now, about going to AA meetings. You do know that AA has online meetings, right? You could always start there, or in another community as has been suggested, and work your way into it.
It's funny about AA. There really is a stigma regarding AA, and, often, it comes from people who know nothing about it. When I told my cousin that I'd quit drinking, she admitted she knew I had a problem and congratulated me. When I told her I hadn't gone to AA, she told me that was good, that I didn't want to be associated with AA. Now that I've learned about AA, I wonder why she said that.
So I do understand why you'd be worried about people finding out you're in AA. It's sad when you're afraid to get help, though. I really hope you find a program of recovery that is helpful to you, and soon.
As others have said, normies don't understand alcoholism. Since I've been sober, I've had people ask me why I couldn't just have one or two drinks now that I've "learned to control it." They don't understand that I'll never learn to control it. The only thing I can do is just not drink.
I've only very recently started to learn that I can be a lot happier if I learn about recovery and make some changes in my thinking. I do study the teachings of AA, but there are many other recovery programs out there.
Now, about going to AA meetings. You do know that AA has online meetings, right? You could always start there, or in another community as has been suggested, and work your way into it.
It's funny about AA. There really is a stigma regarding AA, and, often, it comes from people who know nothing about it. When I told my cousin that I'd quit drinking, she admitted she knew I had a problem and congratulated me. When I told her I hadn't gone to AA, she told me that was good, that I didn't want to be associated with AA. Now that I've learned about AA, I wonder why she said that.
So I do understand why you'd be worried about people finding out you're in AA. It's sad when you're afraid to get help, though. I really hope you find a program of recovery that is helpful to you, and soon.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Welcome,
I can totally relate to your story. For me, opportunity often preceded my drinking: family is gone, ok, let's have a party, and I'll get back on track before they return, so they'll never know. Or Hey, it's the weekend, if I drink tonight, I can still be back on track by Monday morn.
Stick around and I'm sure you'll find much more that sounds familiar, and maybe help you learn to live without giving in to the urges.
I can totally relate to your story. For me, opportunity often preceded my drinking: family is gone, ok, let's have a party, and I'll get back on track before they return, so they'll never know. Or Hey, it's the weekend, if I drink tonight, I can still be back on track by Monday morn.
Stick around and I'm sure you'll find much more that sounds familiar, and maybe help you learn to live without giving in to the urges.
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