NEOMARXIST

When the tools of recovery have to be used it can be quite difficult. As your head is trying to think in certain ways and your recovery tools are trying to pull your thinking back into other ways. I think it's that 'conflict' in the mind that causes much of the anxiety.

It is definately true that much of my anxiety is caused when my mind tries to race and 'project' into the future. Particularly as I have a tendency to think negatively, particualrly if I have a little depression set in. It can be hard to keep the thinking in today, as you can start to question whether you're doing the right thing.

The right thing? The right thing has to be when I'm feeling good, no? No anxiety, no worry, just happy and contented, that's how I like it.

I think also, as much as my recovery has, then I do feel that I can let the anxiety and negative stuff go, and give it to something - the universe, Bob Marley, whatever. I guess that is a connection to a higher power. I don't like to think about the Higher power stuff much, but I know that I definately utilise and think in terms of some form of higher power. In that I don't like imposing my own self-will on outcomes too much. What will be, will be, sort of thing. It's more peaceful and less stressful that way.

It's certainly a daily work in progress.

Peace

nlogax

I guess that's why everyone says to take it one day at a time. I find that even on a bad day, I can sit back, take a deep breath and ask myself "how do I actually feel right now?". Usually it's not quite as bad as my fear is telling me.

Those of us who cannot make ourselves believe in a Higher power will have to search in other places for what Freud called the "oceanic feeling", aka the dissolution of the self. I look at pictures of outer space, study biology and biological evolution, and read the poetry of Tomas Tranströmer (which has been translated into English by Robert Fulton).

NEOMARXIST

Up one minute, down the next. It's like being on drugs! haha. Mind quiet one minute, noisey the next.

Bored today. I am starting to annoy myself. It's all good fun and games.

I'l be glad when I start University. I think that's a lot to with it. Been working up to it for the last 13 months, and it should open up some new exciting oppurtunities. Be nice to mix with some fresh people. Sick of the status quo of where I'm at now.

Maybe it's the addict in me always wanting to feel in a great place. I love it when I feel manic and I'm just laughing and mad joking. It's just theres nobody to share it with.

Ah well, just rambling as I'm bored.

Peace

recycle

I am beginning to think that boredom is one of the tricks the dealer in our head uses to try and lure us back: "Hey dude, you are bored, let's get high. You don't want find anything to occupy your attention. All that stuff is pointless, it is just something they want you to care about. Hanging with me is sooo much more fun..."

Annoying little fornicator...

NEOMARXIST

Non of this is related to drinking per se. Rather where I am at, at this particular moment in time.

I just know that I have to get where I'm at out of my own head. That is a big part of my recovery. Sharing what I'm feeling is vital for me. I am aware that relapse happens way, way before the final act of picking up again. That is why when I recognise my mind being off balance, then I get it all out. So I can read it back, kind of like a journal, and also I find it very therapeutic too.

Recovery for me is managing my mind so that it doesn't need to feel like it needs to 'escape'. By getting it out then it is all part of my therapy. I am ever grateful for having SR as a means to do that.

I am way past drinking or drugging being an option. But I am ever aware that it only takes one drink to lose everything. So I never want it to get anywhere near that.

Grateful to be a recovering alcoholic.

Peace and Love

HIgby442

I like what you said about the tools of recovery being hard to use sometimes. Every day, multiple times per day I am rehashing the tools of recovery through my head-its what is on my mind all the time. When I have bad days every so often, its like I have to think extra hard to extract the tools from my mind-like they are glossed over, or they are new to me. It always works out though. I usually ask for help, stop and think for a minute and it all comes back to me. I think the more I use the tools the better I will be at being able to always ensure they are ready for use when needed, like its going to strengthen as I keep on working through recovery.

24hrsAday

Always Good To Read Your Stuff Neo.. i Really Enjoy Listening To Your Take on Things.. One Thing i Learned Long Ago From Watching People With Years of Sobriety Go Back To Drinking Though is: Never Say Never! i Know That i Could Drink Again.. i Respect The Afflction.. Cunning/Baffling and Powerful!

Anna

Neo, I think you're doing great, and it's so good to be aware of things that can begin to cause discomfort/anxiety.

Before my recovery, my emotions controlled my life and I felt completely helpless to manage things. One thing that really helped me was to recognize that emotions are just emotions. They are not 'me'. They are not who I am. I am able to feel them, recognize them and let them go. All the same, I am very aware that I cannot walk on the dark side. Sometimes, I have a strong urge to wallow in the muck of my past, but I know it would be the beginning of the slippery slope.

Dee74

You can always do what I do Neo... and break out the guitar

D