spedteach

Well, folks, I done good this weekend...I have to share as I am so proud of me right now. Ah has been off his wagon for about a month now and on Saturday, he had a rough one...I had plans with my mom and son to go shopping and I did (and I got 2 new outfits and a new sweater on top of it!) and had fun! Well, we got home to a counter full of empty bottles and I left them there...he was at a friends playing poker and about an hour and a half later, I hear some trucks pull up (I was DEAD asleep) and see that someone is in my husband's truck with him...my curiousity got the best of me and I was looking out the window. Well, I see that his best friend walking around to the passengers seat and helping my husband out of the truck...they walk into the house and my husband can barely stand up...his buddy (who understands the situation and that he shouldn't be drinking at all anyhow, and doesn't drink along with him or anything but was hosting poker night at his house...didn't expect him to come over loaded!) hands me the car keys and says "I can't get the interior light to go off" so I went and did that. My husband passed out on the couch and when I walked back into the house he had fallen off the couch onto our hardwood floor...I LEFT HIM there!! I went to bed and didn't worry about him. That is a big step for me, but the biggest step is what came next, the next morning he tells me that he doesn't remember anything past his first mixed drink...someone had a 25 year old bottle of JD so he HAD to taste it you know...well, I managed to keep my mouth shut...for me THAT IS HUGE!!! I am usually yelling at him or telling him how dumb he was, blah blah blah....you know the routine...I didn't but what is even more impressive to me is that I managed to treat him like any other day...see I have a tendency to give him the "silent treatment"...so doing all of these things, to me is a step in the right direction!!

Okay, thanks for letting me share something good I done!!!

Sped teach

Ann

spedteach

You done good alright!!! And today he is hung over, as he would have been regardless of how you acted.....but the important thing is that YOU are fine today and feeling no remorse or anger.

It's really all about US. Our behaviour is what matters. We KNOW that their behaviour is abominable, but what really affects us is how we react or more importantly don't react to their chaos.

Give yourself a big pat on the back and a hug from me.

Hugs
Ann

2many2count

Hey there spedteach!
Very, very good! I'm so proud of you. It is such an accomplishment to keep our mouths shut. Believe me, I know!


Take care and keep up the great work!
Holly

Daffodil

sped teach,

Wow! I should hope you'd count your victoies....Isn't a releif NOT to have any regrets for our behavior...

God Bless.

EmotionalMeg

Spedteach,
A BIG hug from me too...
It feels good doesn't it?
Ann's right - it's about US...
Meg

sdp

You go girl!!!

Do you feel better for not having reacted the same old way???

bonbon

The best feeling is overlooking the elephant in your house, you can walk by it, look at it, smell it, talk to it, feed it even, but you can ignore the fact that its there if you want too, and boy it feels good.

I just got tired of it being in my living room, now I can move about more freely in my place. He was getting too big.

Huge Hugs....you did great!

insane

wow!!! that is really incredible....congratulations!!!!! great great job!! thanks for sharing your victory.

spedteach

Thanks everyone! Tonight we got to talking, well I told him that I needed to talk to him and expressed some feelings that have been bottled up inside me for quite some time....in the past, I would have made my issue about his drinking, but not now..I told him that I just really feel unappreciated and that he doesn't seem to take an interest in me or what I do or say. I mentioned how people at work, and even BOTH of his brothers (they were over yesterday) have all commented about my weight loss but the person that I'd like to hear it from the most, him, has said nothing about it. And yes, I was crying all the while. He looked at me and said something about being not an emotional match for me but that he DOES want our marriage to work..whatever that is supposed to mean. I DID NOT go down the drinking lane with him...which I know he expected me to...I guess right now, I am just so sick of feeling like the only thing I'm good for is cleaning and cooking...I told him that too...not sure what will become of it, but another small step for man but a huge step for me...I was able to talk about a real issue without backing down...

Thanks everyone for the support...I don't always do things right...no one is human after all and while I do not feel that he will change his actions or his words, I feel good that he knows exactly how I feel about it now and that it's not all about his drinking....
To be honest, it was either tell him or blow up at him real soon about something totally silly (and yes, I am PMSing shhhhhhhhhhh....don't tell )

Sped teach

EmotionalMeg

*ahem*... you and me both... would ya pass the DAMN chocolate!
LOL
Meg

still learning

(((Sped teach))) Wonderful!Thank Goodness I came here to my computer and read your post. Whew! I was SO tempted to write something tonight, to my friend - (former self-medicator - as he puts it - but the A behavior is still there). I have resisted, thus far until I know I have the right to my feelings and can choose to say the right thing for me without blowing up. He ihasn't been writing any emails to me and is waiting for me to "react" playing some dumb game by not corresponding with me by email - so whatever that means I'll let it pass and address it when it feels comfortable for me. Thanks so much for sharing. Now I can go back to bed and get some sleep. ZZZzzzzz.

Pony

spedteach,

Wow, in reading your post about you talking to him and telling him how you feel, I have felt those very same things in my relationship with my SO. I wish he would notice what others have said they see in me and the changes in my weight also. Others have taken notice but him! He pays no attention to me unless he's drunk and then I'm not interested...not like that!!!

And there have been many times I have left him passed out on the floor of our living room because that's where he fell asleep or rolled off onto from the couch!

Good for you in making these steps toward your own peace of mind!

Pony

constant

Spedteach.....Don't it feel good!!!! It is totally AMAZING when we are successfull in tending to ourselves and letting them be who they will be! I hear you loud and clear with the "silent treatment". What a HUGE thing to go about the next day with treating him the same as usual. Bet it's got his head swimming!! It sure made mine swim.

Keep it up...I am so proud of you and I know that it feels good.

Constant

spedteach

Thanks again for the supportive words and for making me feel this morning like I did do good...I am not getting the "silent treatment" from him. He treated our son like he normally does, was happy to see him this morning, gave him a big hug and kiss when he left for work and said NOTHING to me...not even good by! However, I had left a basket of clean work clothes of his in the computer room and he had hung them all up and even filled the basket with the dirty clothes that were in the bathroom...I don't remember the last time he did anything like that! So, he's giving me the silent treatment, maybe its because he's not so sure what to do to or how to act around me...I told him how I feel and it had nothing to do with his drinking...hm........he probably can't figure that out. He did mention yesterday that he spoke with someone about what had happened on Sat. night and that it really helped him, it was a good talk and I told him good...he hasn't touched a drop since Sat. but it's only Tuesday am so who knows what will happen...not my problem though!

So, it's day one of the silent treatment. He knows that I am a firm believer that actions speak louder then words...so we'll see...I'll keep you updated...sure hope I can find enough things to keep me busy while the tension is thick in the house!!

Meg~ how about a 5 pound chocolate bar to share????
Sped teach

EmotionalMeg

Sounds good... make mine a Crispy crunch
Meg

Daffodil

A one liner to keep you going;

Detaching is when you leave the A. passed out on the front lawn.

Deattaching with love is when you don't turn the sprinkers on....
~~A~~