Stood Up to EXH Raging
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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Stood Up to EXH Raging
My ex watches the kids while I work overnights. Tonight we had arranged that he stay at my place while I worked b/c he had an errand to run close by in the AM and it would have been more convenient.
Anyhow, whenever he is over here he always finds something to blow up and rage about. This time, he walked into the bathroom in his socks and there was water on floor. Annoying, yes, but hardly criminal. My daughter took a bath earlier and got some water on the floor. Big deal.
Explosion......"Why is there always f^&*ing water on the floor? Someone better get their ass in here to clean it up!!"
Issuing orders in my home, no less. Hmmmm.....don't think so.
Now I have let this slide in the past to keep the peace around the kids. But this time I had had enough. I don't want my daughter to think this is how men are supposed to behave or my son to think that treating a woman (or anyone else for that matter) is OK either.
So I just said, very quietly, "Hey, knock it off already. DD, can you please go clean up your mess in the bathroom?"
Then I said, "Why are you always raging whenever you are over here? Why are you yelling?"
A snide, "Ohhh.....f^&k YOU!" followed. Then, "I'm outta here. Kids, get your shoes on!"
So when the kids were in the hallway getting on their shoes, I quietly closed the door to the hallway and said, "You know, the last 3 times you have been here you have been raging?"
"Well...being nice doesn't seem to do me any good! You just act like you are ignoring me or give me back some flippant f^&king answer. So why bother?" (aka: When I speak, woman, abandon all rational thought and purposeful activity to give my proclamations all the devout attention they deserve).
And then I said, "There is no need to swear. Not every word out of your mouth needs to be [that word]".
"But ya know what?", he snarled. "I don't like to be here."
So I said, "What a coincidence....I don't like you to be here either." THAT baked his biscuit. He stomped out while I kissed the kids goodbye in the hallway and they left.
I'm a little shaky right now. I don't like confrontation. But this just pissed me off. Yes, of course his apartment is neat and tidy - if the kids were someplace else 95% of the time, this place would look neat and tidy too. You know what else you see at my home that you don't see at his? Tons of kids books. Rack of toys. Cups overflowing with markers. Drawings on the fridge, the bulletin board, and, alas, on the walls once in a while.
This just really pissed me off.
Anyhow, whenever he is over here he always finds something to blow up and rage about. This time, he walked into the bathroom in his socks and there was water on floor. Annoying, yes, but hardly criminal. My daughter took a bath earlier and got some water on the floor. Big deal.
Explosion......"Why is there always f^&*ing water on the floor? Someone better get their ass in here to clean it up!!"
Issuing orders in my home, no less. Hmmmm.....don't think so.
Now I have let this slide in the past to keep the peace around the kids. But this time I had had enough. I don't want my daughter to think this is how men are supposed to behave or my son to think that treating a woman (or anyone else for that matter) is OK either.
So I just said, very quietly, "Hey, knock it off already. DD, can you please go clean up your mess in the bathroom?"
Then I said, "Why are you always raging whenever you are over here? Why are you yelling?"
A snide, "Ohhh.....f^&k YOU!" followed. Then, "I'm outta here. Kids, get your shoes on!"
So when the kids were in the hallway getting on their shoes, I quietly closed the door to the hallway and said, "You know, the last 3 times you have been here you have been raging?"
"Well...being nice doesn't seem to do me any good! You just act like you are ignoring me or give me back some flippant f^&king answer. So why bother?" (aka: When I speak, woman, abandon all rational thought and purposeful activity to give my proclamations all the devout attention they deserve).
And then I said, "There is no need to swear. Not every word out of your mouth needs to be [that word]".
"But ya know what?", he snarled. "I don't like to be here."
So I said, "What a coincidence....I don't like you to be here either." THAT baked his biscuit. He stomped out while I kissed the kids goodbye in the hallway and they left.
I'm a little shaky right now. I don't like confrontation. But this just pissed me off. Yes, of course his apartment is neat and tidy - if the kids were someplace else 95% of the time, this place would look neat and tidy too. You know what else you see at my home that you don't see at his? Tons of kids books. Rack of toys. Cups overflowing with markers. Drawings on the fridge, the bulletin board, and, alas, on the walls once in a while.
This just really pissed me off.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
So...he stayed overnight at YOUR place because it was convenient for HIM and yet he feels he has the right to curse and throw fits because everything isn't just so? LOL!! What a crock! Next time, tell him that since he doesn't want to be there, he can just stay at his own place and have the inconvenience of driving to his errand from there! Geez.
Okay...I guess I'm just not in a very good mood this evening. My threshold for idiocy is too low. Rant over.
Okay...I guess I'm just not in a very good mood this evening. My threshold for idiocy is too low. Rant over.
I think you excercised great restraint! LOL
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 103
It's posts like these that help remind me why it is NEVER a good idea to place your heart in the hands of an alcoholic.
Keep up the good work purple squirrel, you are teaching your children an invaluable lesson in life.
Keep up the good work purple squirrel, you are teaching your children an invaluable lesson in life.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Dear PS, so much for doing him a good turn and trying to save him some hassles. From now on let him cope with his inconveniences, and don't offer to let him stay in your home as it seems he is unable to behave himself there.
You handled his ignorance beautifully, and he did the stormin Norman act out the door. No doubt he felt he'd been the big man and won the round, til it sunk in to his thick head that he had actually shot himself in the foot. As he drove kids and self all the way to his appointment, I bet he was anything but a happy chappy.
And frankly, IT SERVED HIM RIGHT.
God bless
You handled his ignorance beautifully, and he did the stormin Norman act out the door. No doubt he felt he'd been the big man and won the round, til it sunk in to his thick head that he had actually shot himself in the foot. As he drove kids and self all the way to his appointment, I bet he was anything but a happy chappy.
And frankly, IT SERVED HIM RIGHT.
God bless
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Power to the Purple, I loved that!! Well done. I see why he is an ex now. Please don't let him sleep under your same roof. I hope he gets the chance some day to heal his inner child, as he seems deeply hurt and afraid. I really enjoy the avatar and new nickname!
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Alexandria Township, NJ
Posts: 275
You have class PS. 
How about no more kind invites for his convenience.
He's undeserving of your generosity.
And I think your kids would better off living without the tension and anger he causes in their peaceful home.
How about no more kind invites for his convenience.
He's undeserving of your generosity.
And I think your kids would better off living without the tension and anger he causes in their peaceful home.
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
I usually don't let him stay here. And let's just say this right off the bat - there is NO SEX with the ex going on here. Ewww.
If he is here overnight it is because I am working overnight. Not here together for any extended amount of time. The only reason he has been staying here overnight lately is because that damn fool got his electricity shut off again. Now, if I didn't have kids with him I wouldn't give a rat's ass about that. But because of them, I insist that they stay here.
He took them to his place last night because he was able to snooker his late father's old girlfriend into loaning him the money he needed to pay off the bill. As if it wasn't bad enough she was an enabler to his dad, now she's upgraded to a newer model....sheesh. :rotfxko
If he is here overnight it is because I am working overnight. Not here together for any extended amount of time. The only reason he has been staying here overnight lately is because that damn fool got his electricity shut off again. Now, if I didn't have kids with him I wouldn't give a rat's ass about that. But because of them, I insist that they stay here.
He took them to his place last night because he was able to snooker his late father's old girlfriend into loaning him the money he needed to pay off the bill. As if it wasn't bad enough she was an enabler to his dad, now she's upgraded to a newer model....sheesh. :rotfxko
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Originally Posted by PurpleSquirrel 
if the kids were someplace else 95% of the time, this place would look neat and tidy too. You know what else you see at my home that you don't see at his? Tons of kids books. Rack of toys. Cups overflowing with markers. Drawings on the fridge, the bulletin board, and, alas, on the walls once in a while.
I was not raised to take or give cleaning orders, but a friend encountering similar complaints said, without missing a beat, "The mop and bucket are in the kitchen closet," without looking up from her book.
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I was never big on housekeeping. I think that might be a leftover from my bad childhood and not a "lifestyle choice" 
My childhood home was awful. The house was pushing 100 years old - literally, a shack in the woods. Unfinished walls - you could see the studding in some places. Stuff falling down. Paint peeling off the outside. Full of spiders and mice-----brrrr. My mom used to try to keep it together when I was a little kid, but as time went on she just gave up. It used to hurt me to think that when I started growing up is when she decided it just wasn't worth the effort - like all the other kids were worth it but not me. Now I know that it was just the tail end of her downward spiritual and emotional spiral and I had nothing to do with it.
Housekeeping and tidyness is still something I struggle with because for me it is kind of a recovery issue. I have a life worth polishing up. But I just REALLY hate housework anyway. I used to have a memo pad that said, "They say housework won't kill you, but why take the chance?".
Ya know, don't you think its funny that you can tell people you are recovering from an alcoholic marriage or dysfunction or whatever and they nod their heads in sympathy, but if you tell them that you are a really messy person and hate housework they look at you like you just grew a second head? Let's put it this way: My house is messy but my head/heart is getting tidier by the day. That's where I spend my time cleaning. I'd rather have it that way than have a house like a museum and a spirit full of decay.
So there, naysayers! :P
My childhood home was awful. The house was pushing 100 years old - literally, a shack in the woods. Unfinished walls - you could see the studding in some places. Stuff falling down. Paint peeling off the outside. Full of spiders and mice-----brrrr. My mom used to try to keep it together when I was a little kid, but as time went on she just gave up. It used to hurt me to think that when I started growing up is when she decided it just wasn't worth the effort - like all the other kids were worth it but not me. Now I know that it was just the tail end of her downward spiritual and emotional spiral and I had nothing to do with it.
Housekeeping and tidyness is still something I struggle with because for me it is kind of a recovery issue. I have a life worth polishing up. But I just REALLY hate housework anyway. I used to have a memo pad that said, "They say housework won't kill you, but why take the chance?".
Ya know, don't you think its funny that you can tell people you are recovering from an alcoholic marriage or dysfunction or whatever and they nod their heads in sympathy, but if you tell them that you are a really messy person and hate housework they look at you like you just grew a second head? Let's put it this way: My house is messy but my head/heart is getting tidier by the day. That's where I spend my time cleaning. I'd rather have it that way than have a house like a museum and a spirit full of decay.
So there, naysayers! :P
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