Letting go is never easy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
Letting go is never easy
in less than 24 hours my 19 year old son will be moving out on his own, 1 1/2 hours away.
2 years ago my son was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, today hes stable but he still makes choices that scare me to death--he smokes pot and believes its "fine" and "all college kids do it"
I have talked till I am blue in the face reminding him that he isnt just any "college kid" hes my kid and he has a disorder that can become worse with continued use of pot, not to mention the gateway theory of pot but he continues to make his own decisions and all I can really do is pray for the best.
letting him go (move) isnt my decision since he's now an adult
a HUGH part of me wants him to stay Home for a while longer so he can mature but sadly I dont believe that he actually can mature while living here at home-- its to easy to spend all his money on things he considers 'fun" if the fridge is always full and all the bills are always paid
Today I am sad, sad that hes leaving and sad that I truely have no control over his choices I want to be excited for him and excited to watch him grow into the man he will become but Im not, I'm fearful and worried.
Today, I am trying to remember one foot in front of the other and breathing, reminding myself that I have no control over anyone except myself and the security I feel like I'm losing with him moving away was a false security to start with -- he is and always was in control of his decisions distance doesnt change that.
2 years ago my son was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, today hes stable but he still makes choices that scare me to death--he smokes pot and believes its "fine" and "all college kids do it"
I have talked till I am blue in the face reminding him that he isnt just any "college kid" hes my kid and he has a disorder that can become worse with continued use of pot, not to mention the gateway theory of pot but he continues to make his own decisions and all I can really do is pray for the best.
letting him go (move) isnt my decision since he's now an adult
a HUGH part of me wants him to stay Home for a while longer so he can mature but sadly I dont believe that he actually can mature while living here at home-- its to easy to spend all his money on things he considers 'fun" if the fridge is always full and all the bills are always paid
Today I am sad, sad that hes leaving and sad that I truely have no control over his choices I want to be excited for him and excited to watch him grow into the man he will become but Im not, I'm fearful and worried.
Today, I am trying to remember one foot in front of the other and breathing, reminding myself that I have no control over anyone except myself and the security I feel like I'm losing with him moving away was a false security to start with -- he is and always was in control of his decisions distance doesnt change that.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
WOW Lies
What a raw and HONEST post -
How heartbreaking it must be for you
But I must say your recovery is shining through as you are allowing your wonderful son the opportunity to be the young man it is time for him to be.
Please my precious friend, continue to take good care of YOU and know that I will be sending out prayers and good thougths for HIM and YOU!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
What a raw and HONEST post -
How heartbreaking it must be for you
But I must say your recovery is shining through as you are allowing your wonderful son the opportunity to be the young man it is time for him to be.
Please my precious friend, continue to take good care of YOU and know that I will be sending out prayers and good thougths for HIM and YOU!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Yes, liesagain, remember to breathe today. All the Alanon slogans. Be gentle with yourself today. Pray. Pray very hard. Your will get through this day, and this day is the only one to get through - not the troublesome ones that you are envisioning in your head.
I have prayed for you and your son. You and your son are loved by the Creator of all things who knows what your son needs even more than you do.
I have prayed for you and your son. You and your son are loved by the Creator of all things who knows what your son needs even more than you do.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I agree, your recovery is shining through brightly.
My thoughts are that he will be what he will be, good or bad, whether he is with you or away. He will have lessons to learn about life, and he will learn them the same way we did, through trial and error.
But he has a good role model, you. Trust that, trust that he will find a good path. Worry is a useless emotion, it never changes the outcome. So maybe enjoy today, you have a son that loves you and who is leaving the nest...but taking your love with him wherever he goes.
Hugs
My thoughts are that he will be what he will be, good or bad, whether he is with you or away. He will have lessons to learn about life, and he will learn them the same way we did, through trial and error.
But he has a good role model, you. Trust that, trust that he will find a good path. Worry is a useless emotion, it never changes the outcome. So maybe enjoy today, you have a son that loves you and who is leaving the nest...but taking your love with him wherever he goes.
Hugs
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Hi Lies
Geez I relate to you and your son somewhat. I have 3 sons and went to hell and back with my eldest son who is now 27. He went and lived with his dad at 16 yep drinking and smoking pot cos thats what all his friends were doing. He did this for years, with me actually supporting his habits because I didnt know any better. I worried myself sick about him. If he was OK you know..
Today though, he is a great man who I love to be around. (he still drives me a little crazy at times) but letting go of him and letting him find his own, was the best thing I did. I still have a few regrets (you know, maybe I should of, could of) but today he's smiling and knows better.
Just to share, we both had lunch yesterday, went shopping, lots of talking (he talks alot) and he left happy. Thats all I needed.
I Understand, truely about the acceptance of 'their own destiny', I just had to accept what will be will be. Thankfully, it seems ok today.
My love to you and your son, you will worry and you will cry some days, just wondering if he is ok. I just let my son know that mum still cared, but in my rules, not his. You know what! thats all he needed, rules and boundaries.
JJ
Geez I relate to you and your son somewhat. I have 3 sons and went to hell and back with my eldest son who is now 27. He went and lived with his dad at 16 yep drinking and smoking pot cos thats what all his friends were doing. He did this for years, with me actually supporting his habits because I didnt know any better. I worried myself sick about him. If he was OK you know..
Today though, he is a great man who I love to be around. (he still drives me a little crazy at times) but letting go of him and letting him find his own, was the best thing I did. I still have a few regrets (you know, maybe I should of, could of) but today he's smiling and knows better.
Just to share, we both had lunch yesterday, went shopping, lots of talking (he talks alot) and he left happy. Thats all I needed.
I Understand, truely about the acceptance of 'their own destiny', I just had to accept what will be will be. Thankfully, it seems ok today.
My love to you and your son, you will worry and you will cry some days, just wondering if he is ok. I just let my son know that mum still cared, but in my rules, not his. You know what! thats all he needed, rules and boundaries.
JJ
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
Thank you for the words of encouragement
I did it, I went with him yesterday and helped him get settled in. He was so excited and looking forward to being on his own.
I made it through the day and was able to say bye and leave without crying which was important because he is a sensitive kid and it would bother him if I cry.
SO, today I am proud of both of us
still working very hard not to "what if" myself into a nervous wreck and working on this letting go stuff
thanks again you guys
I did it, I went with him yesterday and helped him get settled in. He was so excited and looking forward to being on his own.
I made it through the day and was able to say bye and leave without crying which was important because he is a sensitive kid and it would bother him if I cry.
SO, today I am proud of both of us
still working very hard not to "what if" myself into a nervous wreck and working on this letting go stuffthanks again you guys
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Today I am sad, sad that hes leaving and sad that I truely have no control over his choices I want to be excited for him and excited to watch him grow into the man he will become but Im not, I'm fearful and worried.
I suspect that getting all this out there and getting through the day without crying in front of him will help you to let go of the worry (well at least not live in it) and enjoy those times when you see your son try his hand at flying. His choices will help him learn and the distance may help you not to have to witness all those lessons. Hugs.
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