transformyself

AH returned the kids exhausted to me today; one is a raging jerk the other is asleep and I can't wake him up so he'll be awake all night. They stayed up until 2am at their dads house. I'm so pissed.

I have a radio interview tomorrow at 7am and decided take them to him tonight when he gets off work at 11:30. He can deal with the mess he's made.

But instead of obsessing about what a jerk he is, writing and rewriting nasty emails to send him, I'm just going to let it go, keep packing and moving and make my life better. Dammit.

Thumper

I totally get where you are coming from. I've learned to let it go and never ever depend on xah doing the right thing. If I need something to happen, I make arrangements so that it can happen around, without, or despite xah.

transformyself

Aw Thumper you'd think this wouldn't surprise me any more. I'm SICK TO DEATH of this crap.

Thumper

I know. It sucks from every angle.

transformyself

Well I just had a copy of that Abandonment to Healing workbook put aside for me to pick up on Friday. I'm pretty sure it's at the core of my issues, most of em, and what's holding me back from living a happy life.

Thanks for starting the book club Wicked!

Live

I read this earlier and didn't reply because I had a hot-headed reaction to that situation...I know a bit how it goes and the chaos and tears.

LOL...my daughter didn't tell me until she had her own kids that when I was out of town on business that Dad would let them eat doritos in the living room for dinner, watch Freddie Krueger movies (and she is mad at me for allowing her to watch Achronophia ?!?) and stay up late..on school nights no less.
I guess I know why it was such a well kept secret! I would have had a fit! Everybody would have been in trouble with THE MOM!

transformyself

That's the thing! When I react so strongly I become the problem. Which makes me even crazier!

silkspin

Just a short time ago I finished rereading Codependent no more where I'd read a part on reaction, just before I was tested in my own situation not to react. She wrote that when we react we forfeit our right to think and act in our own best interest. I think I already posted about it, but may be of help to you. Instead I typed a nasty letter to him and deleted it; it helped. Then after I calmed, I felt better that I hadn't given in and was able to act in my own interest rather than engaging. Every baby step forward is still forward and I'm holding on to that right now.

LaTeeDa

I, too, had a strong reaction when I first read this. So I didn't post. It seems to me that taking the children over there at 11:30pm is just as much punishment for them as it is for him.

Arranging my life so that what the XAH does or doesn't do has virtually no effect on me has been the best strategy for me.

L

ChrrisT

It's all such a game sometimes - You have to be completely void of any emotion.

That point Transform made about - if you lose your cool you become the problem.

How many times has a discussion turned into a fight about how I yell ALL the time or I ALWAYS do thsi or I NEVER do that...

who remembers what the initial discussion was about - damn gaslighting!!

transformyself

In yoga two days ago, my teacher was talking about being in touch with what our bodies are telling us and encourage us to observe it. "It's all just interesting," he said.

transformyself

well here's an update

I didn't take them over to his house, in fact they haven't been back and i've just been dealing with it.

I"m working on my abandoment issues, following when I can the book club here and will pick up my copy of the book tomorrow when we get paid.

I'm excited about working through the book, I think it'll heal why I keep going back to him, the abandonment button. I've known for a long time that it gets pushed, but haven't had the tools to fix it.