rubbersoul

Hey Everybody

I joined sober recovery last year and it was a great help. I'm only 21 but I realized a couple years ago that I'm an alcoholic. I quit for 4 months last summer but I convinced myself that everyone relapses the first time so why not me?

Well I'm ready to give it another go. 5 nights sober. A lot of the time my mind grasps for excuses, the biggest one being that someday when my life is more stable I'll drink more moderately and "normally". I realized no matter how much time passes and how much I mature I will always be an alcoholic. I'm lucky that it hasn't had time to progress into physical addiction yet. I don't want to blow it again.

Anyway thanks to you all, I love how active and supportive this forum is.

Anna

Ah yes, I used to do that too. Well, as soon as this crisis is over, then I will stop drinking. Of course, there was always another crisis of some sort. You can find healthier ways to deal with your life, and I am SO glad that you have returned.

Dee74

Welcome back rubbersoul

I lied to myself for many years - it wasn't a 'phase' at all...it wasn't this, or that...it was alcoholism.

Good to see you again
D

Benny

Wow, you could be me. I knew at 21 I was an alcoholic, but I would not admit it. I was always the first guy to pass out at parties. I was the one that everyone thought was funny back then. Maybe it was funny back then, I guess even I thought so. Then my GF started to not like it so much, I'd try and cut back a bit, then right back into a mess. For the next 5 years or so, it was every weekend, but I kept telling myself, I have a good job, I get things done, and I get drunk on the weekends. What's wrong with that. Eventually we couldn't hang out with people anymore because they grew up and I didn't. Then it started to get worse, I'd drink on weeknights, a lot, then during the day on weekends. Then at some point, I don't remember when I had to drink in the morning. This is about the same time that bad things started to happen, OWI, injuries, etc. GF would complain, tell me to get help and I'd quit for 3-4 weeks cold Turkey, no issues, the detox took a day of rest, at most. Oh and I did get help, except I lied to the counselors and would quit going after a few months, all while drinking in the same fashion Then after 3-4 weeks, I'd tell myself, I'm an adult, I can handle this, I am going to drink socially this weekend. Nope, drunken mess. And real quickly back into drinking all day, because I had to. The pain I went through because of this, both physically and mentally can not even be described. Many times I'd tell myself that she did not know what she was talking about, that I was fine, or I would fix it, but I knew I wasn't fine, and I knew I could not fix it. She finally left (after lots of threats). Now I have essentially lost 10 years of my life. I went off the deep end, drank for 30 days straight, and the detox (which I did on my own, and you are NOT suppose to do this) was pure hell.

So, all I can say is if you know you have a problem now, get help, or help yourself quickly, before you blow 10 years and loose everything. You aren't gonna fix this, it's here to kill you if you keep drinking.

postparty82

Its great you have recognized the problem and are trying to do something about it! I recognized the problem at your age, but carried on with reckless abandon for another 6 years. Don't let that be you. The earlier you stop the better. Good luck!!

xuse

welcome

Kmber2010

Glad you are back and supporting you on your new chapter. You can do it.

I too thought I could moderate and cut back...nope I relapsed and with one drink I right back at the bottom like I hadn't been sober at all.

Good to see you are realizing now what took me 10 years of self destruction to learn. Alcoholics can not and do not moderate. The only way is sobriety and for that....we are blessed.

Keep it going and continue to share.

Snarf

Benny, well said with your response. I believe many of us could share a very similar version of that story.

rubbersoul, at 21 I was the life of the party. Drank more than everyone, laughed it up, had a blast. Passed out wherever I pleased, broke bones from punching things and falling down and whatnot, hangovers every morning...Yikes.

At 25 I decided, or my girlfriend decided, that I needed help. Went to rehab, quit drinking for 5 weeks, then right back into it. I wish I had stayed clean that time, because 4 years later, I've made quite a mess of some situations in my life.

I'm now 4.5 months on the wagon, and I'm starting to clean up some of that wreckage caused by my drinking. Boy, do I wish I had been serious about my recovery earlier. Good luck to you, RS. Please keep us informed on how you're doing.

least

Welcome back!

rubbersoul

Thanks to you all for your great feedback and encouragement - it made me smile.

cat1961

RS - I was sober for over two years when I thought I could be a social drinker - WRONG! I started only light drinking then escalated when I started buying the twelve packs. I'm an alcoholic and there's no such thing as a social drinker. So here I am at day 33 and very optimistic with the future. We obviously know the whole scenario going through detox, mending relationships, etc that goes with drinking.

So, here's to a new start for both of us and let us be smarter this time around. Personally, I'm getting to old for this detox crap!

Welcome Back!

GettingStronger2

You are light years ahead of me! Looking back, I know I was an alcoholic at 21. . .it still took another 20 years for me to realize it, though! You will get so, so much more out of your life without alcohol in it. Welcome back!

CarolD

Glad you remembered where we are.....
Welcome back to sobriety and SR

kj3880

Welcome back! What will you do differently this time? What about some face-to-face AA meetings for some support and good company? You don't ever have to do this alone.

Love,
KJ

Chakra

I smiled when I saw your avatar!!

NEOMARXIST

Hey.

It's good you have realised and accepted the reality of the situation. Once an alkie, always an alkie.

There was and would never be controlled, moderated drinking. No way. I never wanted that anyway.

It was easier to just stay away from the first drink at all costs' just for today' then it was to keep that poison in my life. Life and alcohol aren't compatible for this alkie. If I'm drinking then I'm drinking, If I'm in recovery, then I'm in recovery. One or the other but I can't have both.

You already have a couple of years on me. I knew at your age that my drinking and cocaine use was totally out of control. But I used to manage 2 weeks and then deserve my release from this life.

I got sober at 23. I know that I hold no reservations as to what a drink would mean to me. It would mean losing everything that I have spent the last 13+ months building back up.

My only advice is to get as much help as you possibly can to help you stay stopped. Staying grateful for my life is where it's at for me in recovery.

All The Best, Peace.

rubbersoul

Benny, Postparty, Kmber, Snarf, Cat, Aehmnm: It is daunting how many years I have ahead of me fighting it and still haven’t really started my life as an adult yet (I’m finally starting college soon). At least I’m aware of the problem and want to stop.

NeoMarxist: Thanks for the advice. I see what you mean by “if I’m drinking then I’m drinking, if I’m in recovery, then I’m in recovery. One or the other I can’t have both.” I try to convince myself otherwise sometimes.

Kj3880 – Thanks, I’ve been thinking on going to a support group of some kind. I don’t have a lot of “sober support” people in my life so I know it’s a good idea.

Chakra – haha awesome! I have it on a shirt too.