Need feedback on 12th step work
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Need feedback on 12th step work
OK wow here is one I never expected. I never expected this type of 12th step work but my HP must have a reason for putting me in this situation.
I travel on the job doing computer system installations and training. There is a person who I was training yesterday who came back from lunch smelling like whiskey.
Later in the day a higher up person called me in his office and asked me if I thought this person had been drinking and I said "yes, I can smell it on her". Evidently I was not the only one that smelled it, nor was it her first time drinking at lunch.
I confided in this higher up person that I have been in AA for 4-1/2 years with nearly 2 years sober. I told him that I go to AA meetings in this town whenever I am here (which is true) and that if she wanted help from AA I could take her to a meeting and introduce her to some women with good sobriety (also true).
The reaction was mixed. I got called into the HR manager's office and there were 4 of us (the drinking girl was not present) and a lot of discussion. I explained that as an AA member I an supposed to be there if someone wants help, which is why I made my offer. Of course everyone agreed that AA would be no help to her if she didn't want it.
The way they left it they are going to talk to the big boss, who is out of town until tomorrow, then decide what to do with her. Discharging her is a real possibility as she has been warned before. They did not rule out my offer of AA help, nor did they embrace it. Again reaction was mixed. I really don't know what to make of it and am second guessing myself for making the offer to begin with.
So this is my first ever 12th step work, other than talking to a few newcomers in meetings. Did I do OK? I am really interested in any insights or feedback anyone can give me. The bottom line is I hope this woman gets help.
I travel on the job doing computer system installations and training. There is a person who I was training yesterday who came back from lunch smelling like whiskey.
Later in the day a higher up person called me in his office and asked me if I thought this person had been drinking and I said "yes, I can smell it on her". Evidently I was not the only one that smelled it, nor was it her first time drinking at lunch.
I confided in this higher up person that I have been in AA for 4-1/2 years with nearly 2 years sober. I told him that I go to AA meetings in this town whenever I am here (which is true) and that if she wanted help from AA I could take her to a meeting and introduce her to some women with good sobriety (also true).
The reaction was mixed. I got called into the HR manager's office and there were 4 of us (the drinking girl was not present) and a lot of discussion. I explained that as an AA member I an supposed to be there if someone wants help, which is why I made my offer. Of course everyone agreed that AA would be no help to her if she didn't want it.
The way they left it they are going to talk to the big boss, who is out of town until tomorrow, then decide what to do with her. Discharging her is a real possibility as she has been warned before. They did not rule out my offer of AA help, nor did they embrace it. Again reaction was mixed. I really don't know what to make of it and am second guessing myself for making the offer to begin with.
So this is my first ever 12th step work, other than talking to a few newcomers in meetings. Did I do OK? I am really interested in any insights or feedback anyone can give me. The bottom line is I hope this woman gets help.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
You did what I would have done.....
I so hope it works out for her benefit.
I got my 1st sponsee in a similar situation.
We were office mates...he came to work smelling of booze.
He asked me why I took extra time for lunch.
I told him I went to a noon AA meeting.
A few weeks later...he went to the Sally de tox.
Came back to the office....declaring he too was
going too connect with AA.
Would I take him with me?
Tom trusted me...he insisted I be his sponsor.
When I relocated 3 years later....he did get another.
Oddly his new one shares my DOS.....
Tom C. celebrated 20 years this year.
I so hope it works out for her benefit.
I got my 1st sponsee in a similar situation.
We were office mates...he came to work smelling of booze.
He asked me why I took extra time for lunch.
I told him I went to a noon AA meeting.
A few weeks later...he went to the Sally de tox.
Came back to the office....declaring he too was
going too connect with AA.
Would I take him with me?
Tom trusted me...he insisted I be his sponsor.
When I relocated 3 years later....he did get another.
Oddly his new one shares my DOS.....
Tom C. celebrated 20 years this year.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
I have recently been more open about attending AA. If I am so anonymous that no one knows I go to AA, how can I help anyone? I would be limited to newcomers in the rooms.
The wildest thing is people saying "no way" when I told them I was an alcoholic. They certainly did not know the old me LOL
The wildest thing is people saying "no way" when I told them I was an alcoholic. They certainly did not know the old me LOL
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Thank you for extending the hand of AA! You did great -- took responsibility for the action, & now, HP and this young woman's willingness will take care of the results.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Peace & Love,
Sugah
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by dgillz 
The wildest thing is people saying "no way" when I told them I was an alcoholic. They certainly did not know the old me LOL
My buddies at the old office laugh when I tell them what my new coworkers say about me.
..cracks me up.
Grouch and Brainstorm
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 238
Congrats on some active 12th step work. I used to be told that I was never to call an alcoholic first-- if they wanted it, they should call me. Because it was a program of "attraction, not promotion."
I've since learned that I had it wrong. I'm supposed to go looking for the suffering alcoholic, and be clear about the solution. That "attraction, not promotion" is one of the most misunderstood concepts in AA.
The thing that makes sense for me is this: if we believe the new, still suffering alcoholic is insane, can we really expect them to approach us? I don't think so.
In my home group, when there's a newcomer, we circulate a piece of paper and all put our phone numbers on it. The other day, we were talking about it and asked if anyone had ever gotten a phone call off one of those lists. No one raised their hands.
I think we should be getting the newcomer to write their phone number down and giving it to the group. Blasphemous, I know.
I've since learned that I had it wrong. I'm supposed to go looking for the suffering alcoholic, and be clear about the solution. That "attraction, not promotion" is one of the most misunderstood concepts in AA.
The thing that makes sense for me is this: if we believe the new, still suffering alcoholic is insane, can we really expect them to approach us? I don't think so.
In my home group, when there's a newcomer, we circulate a piece of paper and all put our phone numbers on it. The other day, we were talking about it and asked if anyone had ever gotten a phone call off one of those lists. No one raised their hands.
I think we should be getting the newcomer to write their phone number down and giving it to the group. Blasphemous, I know.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
I would be limited to newcomers in the rooms.
mmmm.......maybe not........suffering drunks are in plenty of places other than the rooms....detox.....shelters.......soup kitchens....prisons......etc.
I have worked with or spent time with drunks in these places..
Its my responsiblity imo, to share a message of hope to those suffering....even in the dark corners....if they are prepared to listen.
That said,..the firm i worked for do not know of my alcoholism and i dont intend to tell them......unless a situation arises where a newcomer needs help.....much like you did.
fact is.......i would find it very difficult to get employment here if that come to the surface.......the kit i drive costs..150k plus and they are not keen to have drunks driving them ...recovered or not....plus trucking here in this area is a very small world if you get me.
i think you did everything you could do.......and the best you could do.
i cant think of anything else you could have done.
i always caution guys about sharing with employers with regards to their alcoholism......i come across few that understand it.......and why should they.
well done for doing your best........you and god may have saved her life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Yeah, dgillz, this is a fine job. I've had nearly the same exact experience a few times myself. When we make ourselves too anonymous, we can't be helpful to others.
My boss, our Employee Assistance program, my doctor, etc., all know that if they come across a drunk in need of help, they can give 'em my phone number and point 'em in my direction.
I have nothing to fear today. Not every professional or work situation is like that, but it's a blessing when it is.
My boss, our Employee Assistance program, my doctor, etc., all know that if they come across a drunk in need of help, they can give 'em my phone number and point 'em in my direction.
I have nothing to fear today. Not every professional or work situation is like that, but it's a blessing when it is.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Update: The big boss, the immediate boss, HR, me and the drinking girl had a chat. She had the usual alcoholic warped thinking that no one knew of her drinking - that it was some kind of big secret. I let her know that my parents knew I was drinking and I lived 2500 miles away from them!
She was scared to death of AA but I explained anonymity, women's only meetings (this was huge for her) and at length - and under considerable pressure from her employer - she agreed to try AA. I went to a local meeting last night and saw a couple of women I had seen before and asked that we chat afterwards about a 12th step call. We did and I told them the whole story you have read in this thread. I have arranged to take this woman to her first meeting tonight, and several women will be there who are going to offer to work with her, take her to women's only meetings, to some of the other meetings around town, etc.
So it is up to her now. I am not sure she would've tried AA had her employer not been leaning on her, but then consequences - from an employer, spouse or the legal system - have brought many of us into the rooms of AA.
So I am sending up a prayer that she makes it.
Thanks everyone for the feedback and I hope I can do more 12th step work in the future. Trucker you particularly made me think about this, and I am going to start attending meetings in my local jails.
She was scared to death of AA but I explained anonymity, women's only meetings (this was huge for her) and at length - and under considerable pressure from her employer - she agreed to try AA. I went to a local meeting last night and saw a couple of women I had seen before and asked that we chat afterwards about a 12th step call. We did and I told them the whole story you have read in this thread. I have arranged to take this woman to her first meeting tonight, and several women will be there who are going to offer to work with her, take her to women's only meetings, to some of the other meetings around town, etc.
So it is up to her now. I am not sure she would've tried AA had her employer not been leaning on her, but then consequences - from an employer, spouse or the legal system - have brought many of us into the rooms of AA.
So I am sending up a prayer that she makes it.
Thanks everyone for the feedback and I hope I can do more 12th step work in the future. Trucker you particularly made me think about this, and I am going to start attending meetings in my local jails.
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