keepinon

my 18 yr. old AD hasn't contacted us in 6 weeks now..longest time ever.Hard not knowing if she is ok..(and that's a relative term given her heroin addiction.)Find myself getting ansty, but determined not to check up on her. Have made it clear that we would like to be in contact (although limited) even in active addiction and she knows where we are. Usually she pops up every couple of weeks w/ a text or something..this is really long. Last time we saw her she was using subs she got off the street trying to detox herself..not a big suprise that didn't work. She was saying some good things, but I did not hear the surrender I know has to happen. She is back w/ abusive addict boyfriend and I think she may be too embarrassed to call after all her talk of being done with him and heroin both. Going to extra meetings, etc. Just feeling sad today..

tam

so sorry your sad, I know its difficult with no contact and we worry. I too struggle with this,it has been 3 weeks. we didnt talk then but he was at our house to get his car. In my heart I want to talk but I know it wouldnt be good for us. I feel sad and have alot of fear and worry if he is okay. I want to reach out but again I know it will not change things and Im not sure I could control my feelings still even after all this time. the waiting is painful I know and not having answers is just as hard.
so I too stepped up on meetings this week, really pushed myself to go last night and low and behold the topic was fear.
I hope you go to a meeting and will feel better talking to others. hang in there hugs!

cece1960

(((keepinon)))
I'm sorry that the fear has crept in and has you worried. I try to remind myself that no news is often good news in that nothing tragic has happened to my AS.

We recently had been out of contact for about two weeks, at which time I thought he was living in a tent. I was very concerned when a band of very bad storms hit our area. As it turns out he was at his fathers the entire time. That didn't stop him from trying to pull at the heart strings with texts like "I'm thristy and I haven't slept for days..."

I simply can't have contact with him. Its sad, but any contact just leads to opportunity (for him) and I can't keep saying no...I'm tired.

I'll keep your AD in my prayers

(((Hugs)))

Angelic17

keepinon :ghug3

I'm sending up prayers for your very young daughter who still has so much potential.
She is so young. When my son was using drugs, I physically ripped him out of places.
I refused to let something horrible happen to him, and I went after him over and over again. He just kept on finding his way back. The opiates have a very strong hold on these kids, and they can't see what they are doing to themselves.

I give you credit for having the strength to keep your distance. Believe me, she will call. They always do. When things start falling apart for her and the boyfriend, which they definitely will. You will get that call. When the moneys low, and there's no food. Or they no longer have a place to stay. SHE WILL CALL MOMMY FOR HELP.

Do you know where she is living? Maybe you could drive by in a car that she doesn't recognize just to check. Hopefully that will ease your mind. She is only 18 and you do have a right to know if your daughter is alright. She does have a life threatening disease.
My heart goes out to you.

Spiritual Seeker

((((((((((((Keepinon))))))))))
Does your AD still have a phone?
If so, text her and ask her to text you just to let you know that she is alive.

keepinon

No phone, no car, no job. She went down hard.w/in 6 months last year she lost everything. I am pretty sure she is at loser ABF's house with the addict mom, her ABF, and whoever happens to be flopping at their opiate den of a house. She won't call me for money..that well is dry for her. We had been spending some nice time together, but that was when she was"trying" to kick.
I have told her the old "i will do anything to help you get better, but not one more thing to help you live like this". Since rehab, she doesn't pretend that this isn't a problem, has admitted she IS addicted, and not headed to a good place..different than her "I'm having the time of my life!" attitude she had before. We've told her we will pay for another rehab whenever she is ready.
Ok, I just convinced myself there is nothing more I can do..still hard, and I'm sure harder times to come, but maybe this is the path her HP has her on for now..who am I to know? Thanks everybody, know you can't "fix" it for me ,but words of support are super helpful:ghug3

Impurrfect

(((Keepinon))) - when I was active, I didn't contact my immediate family for MONTHS. I was simply too busy getting high, and when I did come down enough to realize what I was doing, too ashamed to talk to them.

I didn't talk to my aunts/uncles/grandmothers for years. They are now some of my biggest supporters.

It was never that I stopped loving or caring about my family, I was just too wrapped up in the drugs and the lifestyle that go with it. When reality struck, about what I was doing, my answer was to get high, as fast as possible, and knock out those thoughts.

I DID have to go through that time period to get to where I'm at today, and I believe most A's do. Also, remember we A's are pretty resourceful, and can survive situations others would find pretty bad. We think it's "normal"

Big hugs and prayers to you, as I know this is hard,

Amy

chicory

wow- if she is already talking about getting clean, and she is only 18, It sounds like she has a pretty good head on her shoulders?
and as you said, she may be embarrassed that she has gone backwards, and may be trying to give you a break from her dissappointing choices. The weeks do not go as slowly for them as they do for us, when we are worrying.
Im with the lady who says, go by and check to see if you can see her car. as long as she does not know , it is not enabling. It may enable you to sleep better, tho.

big hug,
chicory

tjp613

I'm so sorry, keepinon. 6 weeks would be so hard. I (almost) understand how you feel. I'll keep praying for you both. (((Hugs)))

litehorse

The not knowing is so hard. I agree that finding out what you can to ease your mind would be good. I hope you will find some peace. Prayers are with you.

JMFburns

keepinon,

You are in my thoughts. I know it is a struggle, but you sound like you are reaching out for extra strength and support when you need it and trying very hard to keep focused on you. Good job! We are here 24/7 caring for each other.

Joan

Kindeyes

It's hard to be the Mom of an A. I sometimes wonder if it would be even harder to be the mother of an AD than and AS.......but no......it's all bad.

I try to keep myself occupied with other things to keep my mind off my AS. I read. I work. I listen to music that inspires me to keep myself centered. And I pray that he's ok.

I think that there is so much shame involved with addiction. My son has mentioned that he stays away so he doesn't disrupt our lives. I think there may be some truth to that but mostly I think he's ashamed and can't stand seeing the pain on our faces and in our eyes. And I can't remove the pain from my face or my eyes......it's there......even though I do a pretty good job of trying to keep myself centered.

Do what you need to do for you to keep and hold on to your own sanity.

gentle hugs

keepinon

So I went to a meeting last nite and they asked me to lead..of course brought up what I was going thru. As we were driving home, I looked down off the freeway and saw AD walking down a street..think my higher power was saying.."hey , here she is, but let me do my thing with her...get out of the way!" Thanks for all ur support ..know how hard it is for all of us.

gotahavfaith

Our Higher Power does give us what we need doesn't he. So glad you saw her.

Gotahavfaith

Angelic17

WOW!!!! GOD wanted you to know that she was alive and well. He put her right in front of you. Without her knowing you saw her. My prayer is for her to say, I'm done out here, I want to change this and make a good life for myself. It upsets me that she is only 18. She's a baby. But you said she tried cleaning up already, and that's a great thing. Because inside she knows that she needs to be clean and sober.

Do you know if she is still on the suboxone, or if she is back on heroin? It makes me crazy when these kids are out there. I want to go out and grab her and knock some sense into her head. From one mom to another, I can honestly say, I know what your feeling, and it isn't pretty. I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I hope it helps you to know that I'm going through it with you.

Every day is another nightmare for me with my sons addiction. I admire your strength, because if it would have been me noticing my child, I would have gotten off of the Freeway and tried to take her someplace for help. I did that with my son so many times, and it didn't help. So, I know your doing the right thing by letting her go. In my own head I think that I can do something, when I know that I really can't. It's my own sickness thinking I can control someone elses behavior.

vaya

Wow Keepinon you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I too would have pulled off the freeway to see if everything was alright, etc. You gave it over to God and God took care of it and of you. You got the reassurance you needed, but maintained the strength to not get wrapped up in her disease. You are amazing!! I am truly happy for you that you don't have to worry and at least you know she is alive and able to walk around. I will pray for her. Your story is an inspiration for me, someone for whom worry and panic and wanting to control are obstacles in the way of my own recovery and my son's. Thank you.

Freedom1990

Reading that you saw her walking after your meeting last night gave me goosebumps!

My HP always seems to provide, and sounds like yours does too.

Before my granddaughter went to live with AD, it wasn't uncommon to not hear from her for 3 or more months.

I actually enjoyed the silence because when she did call, it was to unload the latest drama or ask for something.

keepinon

I don't feel strong, but i have really internalized Step one. I could yank her out of places, but she would just go back.I could call the police daily and probably get her abusive addict bf arrested, but she will just find another one. I got in the way of her HP enough, i have learned my lesson in that arena.. i am powerless over her addiction.

Angelic17

WOW!!!!!!! You totally amaze me. I wish I had your strength and courage. I will continue to pray for your daughter. I don't know her name, but GOD certainly knows who she is.

tjp613

Keepinon... It's so important that you keep posting here. You are a fine example to the rest of us and we need all the inspiration we can get. Thank you so much for participating in the SR forums. (((Hugs)))