trailrunrbyday

Okay...so now that I feel like I found a virtual wealth of knowledge from people I can learn from/feel supported by/*talk* openly to.....

I have another question

For those who don't know me...I just found this place. I am still actively drinking(although hoping tonight will be my first dry night in some time)....and I want to stop. I would love to be able to drink lightly/socially in the future but keep seeing on here that this may not be at all possible. I still wish to stop the destructive ways I am living.

I have a camping trip coming up that is an annual trip with great friends. Usually there are 20 to 30 people on this trip...lots of hanging out on the beach, great food...and of course, alcohol. These friends only see me once or twice/year and have no idea of my struggle. I don't wish to share it with them. I KNOW there will be plenty of alcohol there...AND only about 10 people are going this year so it will be a little more intimate.

I am positive I will drink. It is 2 wks away so I feel like stopping now may not give me enough time prior to the trip to be able to say no the the temptation. Should I just wait until after the trip to stop drinking or should I stop now(attempt to anyways) and then hope that I am strong enough that early on to resist?

Thoughts?

LaFemme

Ouch!

All I can say is that there is always going to be something coming up that causes you to put off quitting, at least it did for me:-D

I was only 11 days sober when I went to visit my family for 5 days (they are all heavy drinkers), but I just decided I wasn't going to drink and I didn't, I got a couple of comments for it but it was okay, and I was surrounded by open alcohol containers the whole time, but I would have preferred not to have been in that position. Plus, I was really ready to quit when I quit and have no desire to drink ever again, which made it easier than I expect it might be for you.

Only you can really answer that.

Harry01854

Is it at all possible you can talk to your friends about what is going on with you right now. Maybe they can help out, even might mention to you that maybe it wouldn't be a good idea to attend.

Comes down to one thing though. The decision has to be yours about not drinking and having support never hurts.

From my own experience, I can only tell you that I have said many times over, well after this party or after that party I'll stop.

Depends on how much you want to be sober.

Hopefully someone here can help you with making the right decision. I don't have any ideas that might be to your liking.

Believe it or not though, I know a few people, Irish at that, that wanted to stay sober enough and their sobriety date is St. Patty's Day.

Good luck,

Harry

TimeDrain

Today is always the only day you have. One day at a time. Looking forward will keep you exactly right where you are I've found.

So quit today and go on the camping trip and see what happens one day at a time. There must be more things you all do besides drinking . Maybe you haven't noticed them in past trips. This trip will probably be the best one you can remember when you do it sober.

And if all of these friends have to offer is being great partying friends you will probably come to realize that they just don't offer you anything in your growth as a person.

You've done the drinking and partying and are on this site. People like us need to change or we will not live fulfilling lives. Best of luck to you.

GettingStronger2

As LaFem said, there are always, always going to be things that come up. It is a part of our societal make up to have alcohol around. I think about future events and what I may or may do, but instead of really focusing on them, I am trying to wait until. . .

When I quit drinking, I was done. I hadn't planned it, really. Yes, there had been times before that when I realized that I should probably quit, or slow down. But one day I realized I had to quit. I drank maybe 2 more days, and then just stopped.

If I find myself in a place where drinking is around, I just don't drink. I have other things with me.

If you are serious about quitting, I'd stop now and either 1) not go on the trip if I didn't think I could avoid drinking or 2) go and just not drink. If I went with otpion 2, and I found that I had to tell someone that I didn't drink, I guess I would do it. My health and sanity are more important than someone having an issue with my choosing not to drink. You don't have to tell anyone you are an alcoholic, that you have a problem, you only have to say I don't drink.

Only you can determine if you are done drinking and what that means to you.

recycle

If someone came to you and asked you to teach them to ski in April, would you tell them to wait until next year? Learn what you can when you can. Begin the exploration as soon as you are ready. You might surprise yourself how easy it can be to stop. Your struggle maybe epic or it something you are ready to be done with.

Whatever you do be careful, in my experience planning one last binge is a poor idea. Ca-ca happens.

Mark75

Then you probably will drink.

I always go on a couple of trips a year... camping, whitewater canoeing, fishing... where I always used to drink. The first few trips sober involved some self pity... not being able to drink and all... but I look back on them all... and, you know what?, I had a good time anyway, and I have faith that the next trip coming up I will also have a good time... The camping trips where drinking is always the main, or only, activity... I don't go.

When you are ready, truly ready, to stop drinking, for good and all, it won't be according to your events calendar...

Welcome to SR!

Mark

keithj

Yeah, it's that funky, flawed logic lots of us are familiar with.

If I stop drinking today, I know I won't be sober in 2 weeks.
If I don't stop drinking today, I know I won't be sober in 2 weeks.

Outcome is the same either way. My warped logic leads me to the thing I want.

Do you want to stop drinking or not?

1_day@_a_time

Tell them you have a race coming up and you are not drinking today.

Just for today........

flutter

Second what Mark and Keith said.

You're already setting the stage to drink, and trying not to feel guilty about it.. or something.

When I was in counseling to help support my recovery, my counselor kind of smirked at me when I told him how easy I had found it to stay sober for a few weeks. That's when he said that I needed to work on developing the tools to live life without drinking *no matter what*, and when life will (and it will) bring me to my knees in desperation for something to soothe me.. that THEN is when my real recovery will come into play. There's going to be this camping trip, then maybe a wedding to go to.. then maybe an important sporting event.. etc etc.. Those are not life's challenges. When you're ready to get and stay sober, nothing will stop you.

As for timing, I quit drinking on December 18th, 2008. I could have cried poor timing, but I didn't care, I wanted to be sober more than I ever wanted to keep being a drunk. Christmas.. New Years.. Superbowl.. (this stuff goes on all year )..

You seem more determined to keep drinking, than you seem to stop.

We'll be here either way.

smacked

Then you will.

Charmie

recovery started for me when i had no doubt in my mind that i wanted to quit for good and all.i had tried many times before but when i quit the last time i felt different.i grabbed on to it with both hands and ran with it.....i went at it like a dying person.
there were no illusions left in my mind as to what i was and that i could not drink like normal people.
that at first meant not going to social events where drinkingwas involved,at the time i never thought this would be possible either.but it was and today i can go where i like and enjoy weddings,parties or whatever the occasion may be.there was a lot of work involved in getting to this place and i still work hard at my sobriety every day.but i want it more than anything.
like keith said...do you want to stop?

trailrunrbyday

1 day...thanks! Actually....not such a stretch as I will be running every day while I am camping...and there is a race I am considering doing on my birthday (Aug 28).

I can appreciate all the comments. I hope those of you who have made it so far can recall the beginning. I am just sorting all of this out. NO I am not more determined to keep drinking than I am to stop. I am just afraid that I will find out that I am not as strong as I think I am. I venture to guess that not everyone finds sobriety. I have an aunt who committed suicide and an uncle who is dying of his alcohol addiction as we speak.

I am stubborn though. I am strong. Not sure how strong but I guess if I pack my running shoes and mountainbike and just take off with my dogs whenever I get tempted to crack a beer...I might just come home super tired, proud and sober.

The friends I am camping with are all long time friends who would be 100% supportive but I am too embarrassed to admit that I have this problem.

For now...I'll try to make it through tonight. It may be a long night. I can already feel the pull.

Thanks for the input

RobbyRobot

You know what, for me it would make no difference now or later. You are actively drinking even up till today. And you say you would love to social drink in the future, if possible. You also want to quit as soon as tonight but you also know you'll drink on the camping trip you want to go on.

It's clear you are moving forward in your thinking and that is good. Your deciding for yourself what is what with your drinking and you want to stop the destructive ways you are living. All that is good, you know.

You'll soon enough learn personally that quitting and staying quit are different things. When we are in recovery we face ourselves in ways that change us from drinking normally. My experience is if you're wondering whether you should party or not two weeks from now, and you're drinking as of today, you really need to stop and think about what your asking from yourself. Drinking or not drinking is always a question you have to answer for yourself. Alcoholics who drink risk their lives simply from any drinking period. Problem drinkers risk being drunk and in that way risk their lives somewhat. Social drinkers risk little if anything.

Only you can decide what alcohol consumption does or doesn't do for you and your life. The timing is only as important as you make it. There is no perfect day to quit. All we ever really have is today.

Rob

Dee74

Hi again trailrunrbyday

There is always something that makes it difficut to stop - I know because I put off not stopping for a full fifteen years.

There's a range of options available to you - you can decide to not go on the trip, you can go and use an excuse like oneday offered, you can open up to your friends and tel them whats going on, or you can drink.

I'm sure there are other options too.

You have to decide how important not drinking is to you.

I was never able to quit until it became an life or death imperative to me. I hope you're smarter than I was.

D

LaFemme

I have complete faith that if you decide to quit drinking and go on that vacation you will be able to stay sober the whole time.

Keep a ppqitive attitude and don't borrow trouble:-)

1_day@_a_time

why not app up for that race now then......otherwise, some guy* may end up beating you!!!

* 10 yrs your senior!

artsoul

Alot of great comments here..... so not much to add. When I was just getting sober, I don't think I could have spent a weekend being around it. I did, however attend an event which included alcohol and did just fine.

It might make a difference if your friends are social drinkers (having one or two and calling it a night), or whooping it up, where you might feel "left out" and much more inclined to give in.

Bamboozle

Your friends are supportive. That's a really good thing, even if you aren't ready to tell them you aren't drinking anymore.


And the thing is, you probably don't have to tell them you aren't drinking. I've found out that most people don't care if I drink or not...and me feeling that I have to announce it to people...well, I don't...unless they knew how destructive I was and would like to hear a positive update.

Yeah, it sure is a big change. Stopping drinking can almost feel like you're announcing a birth, a wedding...something huge....but the great thing is you don't have to tell anyone. What you do or don't is your business, and if anyone gives you crap about not drinking ignore it or tell them to mind to their own.

I used to be the azzhat who harrassed people who weren't drinking. Usually the people bothering you to drink have a problem with the booze themselves.

Take care.

trailrunrbyday

That's the problem Artsoul...although I think I am the only one of the group with a real problem...they are completely used to a weekend where we all bring fun mixed drink concoctions....and although we also traditionally go mountainbiking (and I run with one of the gals every summer on this trip)....we spend the evenings up late having beers around the fire(and usually someone passes around a good scotch).

Although they are not party only friends...they all expect to let loose so to speak and return to lives like normal.

oneday....you already know how to get me going I will have to look up the race again...it's a 5 peaks series race so lots of elevation gain. It takes place at a ski resort.....oy...my quads ache just thinking about it!