Sylvie66

I have a live-in ABF and 2 kids. I have told him, and he assures me that he heard me, that I don't want the kids around him drinking, and especially around his bf who is a belligerent drunk. So, in the last 2 weeks:
- he took them all bowling, where the men had 'only one drink each', and my kids are sneaks and weirdos for telling me
- had another friend over who (late at night when we're all asleep) had a blackout drunk. ABF had another (drunk) friend drive him home.
- had his bf over and gave him a beer after assuring me (again) that there would be no alcohol. when my ds called me to ask if he could come up to work, dbf accused him of 'going behind his back' - even though this is our agreed protocol. He told me I was 'freaking out', but I wasn't.

This on top of his usual habit of staying up all night long 2 or 3 times a week.

Sheesh. Plus he ranted at my kids for not doing the chores until late in the day, even though he's a hoarder. Plus, why on earth am I writing this?! He's wonderful, kind thoughtful, we share a lot of history, love, fun, and values. But just because I love him forever doesn't mean I should live with him now. We have lived with him for 3 years, and his drinking habits have gotten more tolerable. We have boundaries, and agreements. The fact that he is ignoring those agreements, and by doing so, telling me that my boundaries are silly - that's enough.

Thanks for listening. Every time I come here, just writing it out strengthens my resolve.

- Sylvie

suki44883

Yeah, but if nothing changes, nothing changes. Hope you'll soon have the resolve to get you and your kids out of that mess.

TakingCharge999

Sylvie home is where one finds peace. And I arrived to the same conclusion today, that we like some things about each other does not mean we have to live together or be together. Therapy has helped me a lot, hope you can consider that one to one support as it is priceless.

dollydo

So, is this fun for you? Or in any way shape or form good for your children.

I'd vote no. That's all I can do is vote no, the rest is up to you.

nodaybut2day

And so...what's next? Is his drinking "tolerable" for your 2 children?

theuncertainty

Hi, Sylvie66, glad you're able to come to SR and post and vent.
IMO, it seems like you've answered your own question:
And the final sentence above and all of the information in your first paragraph, kind of contradict your following statement - at least while he's drinking and not actively working on recovery.

It's great that you have boundaries and are able to see that they're not being followed. What were the actions you were going to take if the boundaries weren't honored? Are you ready to take those actions?

Best wishes. for you and your kids.

SheCanRun

All I can add is to be strong. Each and every encounter, problem and issue provides you with an opportunity to see the contrast of what is good for you and your kids and what may not be.

It took me a while to figure it out, and longer to get out. Toward the end I was praying almost daily for my HP to help me work it all out. He did.

Jadmack25

Funny how, over my 6 plus decades of life, I see things start off small and slowly get bigger, until suddenly there is a bloody big problem in our face.

The Grand Canyon began with a few little drips of water.....want to go fill it now?

The chap is chipping away, almost unnoticed, at boundaries YOU put in place to protect your kids, which shows disrespect to those boundaries, to you and to your kids.

Sorry lovie, but if it were me, I would let him know that I respect and will defend my boundaries, and he can go bye bye long before my boundaries do.

God bless