Jaffapoppy

Hi There, I don't feel as upbeat as the post I wrote a few days ago. I had a few bad days at work, and my husband has been so angry and difficult to communicate with. I forgot to take my antabuse for a few days so risked a slow two drinks. No ill effects. So yesterday I had two standard drinks. I feel ashamed that I broke the committment to myself. I think I am not coping and feel so scared about the future. It is the first time I have really wanted to separate from my husband. I am sick and tired of dealing with the fallout from his depression. I don't know what to do. I think he feels like I have taken our drinking pleasure away from us. All we do is argue and bicker in the evenings. It is like walking on egg shells. All I wanted last night was an ear to hear about my day at work. Can anyone who has depression give me an insight as to how to help myself or my husband. I feel like I have no energy to keep going on. I am tired of my emotions being so up and down. I feel so vulnerable.

Dee74

Hi Jaffapoppy

I have no real advice to help you, but what I can tell you is a few drinks won't help your husbands depression - or your frustration with it.

All it does is open the way back to the old life for the both of you - the one you want to get away from.

All lot of people here have spouses who are difficult or not supportive for whatever reason - that's why we're here - support to help you get through that, without drinking

D

bcboy

Hey Jaffa

When I used to have a bad day at work I would always be hitting the bottle harder than normal. In the end it only made things worse.

Now that you are working to live the sober life a bad day at work can really ruin a evening especially when your mind is screaming for you to drink.

You know what I do now when the day is a bad one. Before heading home I take some quiet time and just focus on breathing in and out. Slowly listen to how it sounds and try to quiet your mind. I garantee after 5 minutes you will feel beter if you can just let yourself relax.

Walk through the front door with a smile. It will rub off on your husband and pave the way for a nice evening.

It took me a long time to relealize that my bad attitude was rubbing off everything I touched.

Hope this helps.

Jaffapoppy

Thank you very much, I will try driving into the nature reserve near my house and parking for 5 mins to do that before I get home.

223

Hi Jaffa,

Sorry to hear about your situation. What I'm about to say applies to experiences with my wife and I'm not suggesting it applies to your husband.

My wife has been diagnosed with depression and she says that sometimes when she get's upset at people, it's because she feels so low that it's the only way that she can "elevate" herself.

She's also been diagnosed with Boarderline Personality Disorder. The only reason that I bring this up is because the seminal "manual" for family members of boarderline sufferers is a book called "Stop Walking on Eggshells".

There's a very good website/message called Borderline Personality Disorder - Support group for families and relationship partners where you can learn about the disorder.

Again, I have no idea if this is applicable to your husband just some potential commonality I see with my wife. Of course I'm not a doctor and have never met your husband.

Anyways, good luck!

least

Living with someone with depression is difficult - I know, I've had severe depression for years. I have no suggestions, only want to wish you peace of mind.

Anna

Jaffa, I think first, you need to focus on your recovery before anything else.

I have dealt with depression for years, and all I can say is that your husband needs to talk to his dr about medication as a possibility and therapy as well. Early recovery involves finding new, healthy ways to deal with stress. For me, long walks after supper were the answer. It felt good physically and it calmed my mind. And, it also helped me to reconnect to my spiritual side.

artsoul

I agree with Anna - your sobriety (and your sanity) should come first. You may need to set some boundaries with your husband, like not getting involved in arguments and needing an hour or two of alone time to recoup from work, post on SR or whatever.

Ultimately, it's your husband's job to deal with his depression (and if he's drinking, he's not dealing with it). Try to focus on your own health and wellbeing and let him take more responsibility for himself.

Just my thoughts........I feel for you because I'm sure it's really hard right now.

Fandy

I also deal with depression and when I drink it makes it 10Xworse and my mood goes right down the toilet. Anna is right, you have to find ways to deal and new activities both for yourself and hubby can join if he wants to. you are in new territory mentally and need to find a happy haven to put some joy back in your routine.

take your antabuse to deter you, try asking your husband what he wants to do, maybe he even has a suggestion for evenings? if he's drinking and you are not, you might just tell him you need an hour to settle your thoughts and adjust. good luck.

Jaffapoppy

Thank you everyone for your advice. I am going to go for walks in the evening, calm down before coming home from work if it has been a difficult day and focus on keeping it together.