ellima01

Ah got sober 3 mths ago after 6 day hospital stay for pancreatitis and dt's. 3 weeks or so ago- it started gradually- but did start again. 3 days ago he went back into inpt treatment facility. Now we are broke- alcohol, crack- same crap I guess. I am here alone while he's in a REALLY nice facility eating whatever HE wants while we struggle.
I have mixed emotions about him being back in treatment too- As some of you may reacall- he was inpt 14 mths ago and met a "woman" who used to be a prostitute in rehab- and had an affair with her (which I found out later- ha not been his ony affair) Im scared, lonely and broke. Ive been to family counselling (once so far) I feel like Im to far gone- like there is noting that can help now- Granted, I know I sound like my addict saying that- like my problems are "unique" or something- I know they're not, but I do feel unbelievably hopeless right now

sandrawg

Sorry to hear you are having a rough time right now. Have you been to al-anon? Going to al-anon will help remind you that a) you are NOT unique; b) you are NOT alone; and c) you CAN turn your life around. You're not stuck in these problems. {hugs}

SoloMio

First just ask your HP for your daily bread.
When you say "we're broke" what does that mean? Are your utilities in danger of being shut off? Are there any family needs that must go unfilled? Do you have enough to eat NOW?

Make a list of things you are grateful for right now. It might be the grilled cheese sandwich you can make yourself and the kids. Say to yourself, right now, in this moment, I have everything I need.

Then make a list of your fears. Find a little box, an old jewelry box or something. Call it your HP box: and then fold up the paper and put it in that box. Don't look at it again--you've just given it to your HP to take care of.

NOW make a list of three things that would improve your life. If you truly are broke broke (and I've been there), make another list of things that you MUST have to get by and write down how much you need.

Then get creative. Is there anything you can sell? Craiglist can facilitate some really speedy transactions. Can you cash in change? Can you get a day job of some kind? Address only your most pressing needs.

Then do something fun. When you said "we" are struggling, I'm assuming you have kids. Do something for free. Draw pictures outside. Play tag with them. Put on some music and dance with them. Read to them. (I'm assuming the kids are young--if they aren't, adjust accordingly).

Go to Al-Anon

Stop thinking negative thoughts, even though it's hard. Turn it around and think about how fast you are going to turn yourself around. You are thinking you are in dire circumstances. That's just a thought. Life is beautiful, and anyone can see that just by looking up at the sky.

I don't mean to minimize your struggles. I have certainly been where you are and have thought the exact same thing when my DH was in rehab. But that was a long time ago, and I survived that period of my life, and I've survived many others.. and you will, too.

naive

hi ellima-

sometimes in life, things seem unsurmountable. and as if we weren't tired enough, life hits us again with more hardship.

for myself, when i was scared, lonely and broke, i reached out for help. first and foremost, i reached out to my hp. i made an agreement with myself. i decided to make a change. i committed to myself to start each days on my knees, praying to my hp, followed by making my bed. i was attending open AA with my xABF and someone in there said that is what they did everyday. i adopted it.

i prayed for strength, courage, endurance, humilty. i prayed for the insight to make the right choices for all involved. i prayed to be open to what the new day brought. i prayed that the way be shown to me, how to proceed. i prayed for guidance in the storm.

each day, i woke, i got down on my knees and asked for these things and then i made my bed. i did this for about one month.

my experience was that it set a tone for the day. even the making of the bed somehow set a fresh start to the new day. everything else in my life at that time was in chaos, but my bed was made.

i suppose it was about surrender. i surrendered the day to my hp and it helped to open me up possibilites that came in the day, having affirmed my intention to myself and to god.

i did this immediately upon waking. i didn't have a coffee or even go to the bathroom first. i got up and got down on my knees (which is really where life had put me at that point).

after that, everything started moving in a good direction.

naive

freefalling

thanx naive

Live

sending hugs! Just wondering have you been medically assessed for depression? I ask because feeling hopeless is a common sign.
Addiction wrecks families and financial is just one more common result of that.

You have been given most excellent advise. I would just ask you to remember that this situation is temporary, "this too shall pass"
He can't live in rehab...he can get clean or not.
You can make decisions and start making baby steps towards your wellness and happiness in whatever lifestyle is best for you and your family.

sending hugs and hope!

Pelican

Elima,

I am sorry that you are lonely, scared and broke. I am sorry for your pain.

In my life, my alcoholic had to reach a bottom before he was ready to make lasting changes in his life. I did too.

Is this your bottom?
If it is, this could be the beginning of your recovery journey.

During my recovery, I have had to admit that I was as sick as my alcoholic. I was willing to manipulate, lie, create chaos, etc...in effort to control my A. I also believe I was trying to get my A to notice me. I wanted to be a priority in his life.

Today, I am still traveling my recovery journey.
Today, I am learning to be my own priority.

I wish you peace on your journey.

(((hugs)))

dollydo

The issue to me is: what are you doing to make a better life for you? He is not in recovery and has not been. Nothing will get any better until you change your path in life. As long as you are with an alcoholic nothing gets better, it only gets worse, until they embrace recovery for life, and, that only addresses one part of the equasion, the behavior will likely continue.

I have found for me making a plan and engaging the plan helps me, I concentrate on the plan and how to get there.

There are organizations that can help you, food kitchens, churches and so forth, they offer food to those in the need and have support groups for people who need help. I would make that step one in my plan...get help, sitting back doing nothing accomplishes nothing.

akrasia

I'm so sorry. When I've been desperate it's helped me to make a list of tiny things I can do each day. Like, 1. organise bills, 2. clean place up, 3. look at training programmes. Whatever it is, just so you feel like you're moving forward. Take care.

ellima01

Thanks to all of you! And Naive- I think I may try that. I feel very seperated from my HP right now, I need some reconnection. He is checking hmself out of tx this week- his counsellors are against it of course- but he thinks "heknows what to do now" he prob does know- but will he be willing now? thats is the question