New to this and would love some insight...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 2
New to this and would love some insight...
Hello everyone, I've lurked around and you seem like a wonderful group. I'm feeling a little lost with my situation and would love some thoughts or opinions or just plain old advice.
I'm 33 and have never done any drugs in my life aside from a bit of pot. My old highschool flame moved back to town after being gone for 10 years and we started dating again. He is an amazing man and we are very very good together on so many levels. I adore and care for him a lot and have faith in him as a person.
The problem is that while he was gone he got addicted to Oxcycotin (sp?) for 3 years. He tried to get clean but never made it during that time. 6 months ago he want into treatment for a month and has been 5 months clean.
He has been totally open and honest with me about everything. Nothing has been hidden and he genuienly wants to stay clean and rebuild his life. He is loving, caring, giving and a kind, good person.
BUT, the other night when we were out at a live music show we ran into some people who brought up oxy's....my guy said his don't do it piece and then I guess asked one of the guys if he had any on him. He then backed himself off and said no, he didn't want any and conffessed to me right away. He felt horrible. But the guy he asked told me about it, so when I asked my bf if he had asked for him he immediatly said no. Then about 5 min later admitted it. He was in tears, not just about lying to me but about how it scared him that his mind jumped to that. Even though HE was the one who said no and redirected himself. It scared him. And me.
So I guess I'm just wondering....everything. I have no idea what he is going through or has gone though. He talks openly about it with me and is looking for meetings and such in our area but as much as I adore this man, and really feel that we are going to be great, I'm hesitant about the drug issue.
I don't know what to look for, I don't know how to act about it, I don't want to be suspicious of everything but I also don't want to be naive... I am not afraid of his issues and I feel capable of being supportive. I just need to wrap my head around it I guess. He seems to be doing VERY well.
Kinda vague here...but any thoughts would be great. Thank you!
I'm 33 and have never done any drugs in my life aside from a bit of pot. My old highschool flame moved back to town after being gone for 10 years and we started dating again. He is an amazing man and we are very very good together on so many levels. I adore and care for him a lot and have faith in him as a person.
The problem is that while he was gone he got addicted to Oxcycotin (sp?) for 3 years. He tried to get clean but never made it during that time. 6 months ago he want into treatment for a month and has been 5 months clean.
He has been totally open and honest with me about everything. Nothing has been hidden and he genuienly wants to stay clean and rebuild his life. He is loving, caring, giving and a kind, good person.
BUT, the other night when we were out at a live music show we ran into some people who brought up oxy's....my guy said his don't do it piece and then I guess asked one of the guys if he had any on him. He then backed himself off and said no, he didn't want any and conffessed to me right away. He felt horrible. But the guy he asked told me about it, so when I asked my bf if he had asked for him he immediatly said no. Then about 5 min later admitted it. He was in tears, not just about lying to me but about how it scared him that his mind jumped to that. Even though HE was the one who said no and redirected himself. It scared him. And me.
So I guess I'm just wondering....everything. I have no idea what he is going through or has gone though. He talks openly about it with me and is looking for meetings and such in our area but as much as I adore this man, and really feel that we are going to be great, I'm hesitant about the drug issue.
I don't know what to look for, I don't know how to act about it, I don't want to be suspicious of everything but I also don't want to be naive... I am not afraid of his issues and I feel capable of being supportive. I just need to wrap my head around it I guess. He seems to be doing VERY well.
Kinda vague here...but any thoughts would be great. Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
Hey there, and welcome!
All I can say is be very careful. He may be going great now, but the fact that he lied to you, even for a few minutes, is a big red flag. A few minutes is all it takes for someone in recovery to relapse.
I hope he doesn't slip, and I know you don't want to be paranoid. In fact, don't be paranoid; paranoia will not solve anything. But definitely tread cautiously.
All I can say is be very careful. He may be going great now, but the fact that he lied to you, even for a few minutes, is a big red flag. A few minutes is all it takes for someone in recovery to relapse.
I hope he doesn't slip, and I know you don't want to be paranoid. In fact, don't be paranoid; paranoia will not solve anything. But definitely tread cautiously.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 69
My romantic interest was the same way. Totally honest about things, made it a week shy of two years clean and then started relapsing. It has been 3 months now and no end in sight. Honesty only goes so far. He if he brings it up, he is probably likely to be a little more honest than if you bring it up. But that's about it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 2
He has asked me to attend an open NA meeting with him and he even suggested NARanon....I am open to that. I guess it really is one day at a time. Not just for the addict but for those of us who love them.
I feel like I'm being asked to take the hugest leap of faith ever.....with absolutly no guarentees that there is a safety net. I love him....I'm terrified.
I feel like I'm being asked to take the hugest leap of faith ever.....with absolutly no guarentees that there is a safety net. I love him....I'm terrified.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
sorry your going through this but glad you found sober recovery, theres a lot of support here.
You said I feel like I'm being asked to take the hugest leap of faith ever.....with absolutly no guarentees that there is a safety net
sadly your boyfriend is not the same person he was before his drug addiction and even more sad is that there is NO CURE for addiction. Recovery is a daily process and you are 100% correct, the relationship REQUIRES a leap of faith WITH NO promise of continued recovery~~~~people can be clean for many many years and then relapse
You wont be able to stop a relapse and theres nothing you can do to make him better.
Again, so sorry this is what you are dealing with but I would strongly recommend that you read up on addiction and continue to read here at sober recovery and find a Alanon or nar anon meeting
best wishes
You said I feel like I'm being asked to take the hugest leap of faith ever.....with absolutly no guarentees that there is a safety net
sadly your boyfriend is not the same person he was before his drug addiction and even more sad is that there is NO CURE for addiction. Recovery is a daily process and you are 100% correct, the relationship REQUIRES a leap of faith WITH NO promise of continued recovery~~~~people can be clean for many many years and then relapse
You wont be able to stop a relapse and theres nothing you can do to make him better.
Again, so sorry this is what you are dealing with but I would strongly recommend that you read up on addiction and continue to read here at sober recovery and find a Alanon or nar anon meeting
best wishes
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